


One Thousand Kisses Don't Heal Broken Bones

by orphan_account



Series: You Promised Me The World [2]
Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz, Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Alana And Christine Mom Squad 2k17, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, And Jake Is Jealous, Angst and Fluff, Aroace Jenna, Evan Loves Writing, Everyone Is Gay, F/F, He just wants to help his friend, Healthy Murphy Sibling Relationship, Heidi is best mom, I Also Promised You The World, I mean it's understandable though, I'll let myself out, Jared Is Not A Dick, Jared's Not A Dick All The Time I Promise, Jealous Jared, Jeremy's kind of a dick??, M/M, Mr. Heere Is Best Dad, Multi, Pining Jared, Protective Connor, Protective Rich, Rich And Jared Are Really Good Friends, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Underage Smoking, You Can Rip This Headcannon From My Cold Dead Hands, fite me, screeee
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-08
Updated: 2018-01-18
Packaged: 2018-12-13 00:28:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 51,915
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11748333
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Junior year, Evan decided, was probably the worst year, between several fights with his only friend, the pressure of school, dealing with mental illness, and a confusing crush on the wrong Murphy sibling. Evan can't seem to find a single way around this, so he climbs higher than he's ever gone before. He's certain that he could fall without anyone ever caring.AU- Connor found Evan in the forest, and Evan had a crush on Connor instead of Zoe (Because, gay)





	1. Someone Will Come Running

Evan had a love-hate relationship with walking alone. On one hand, he didn’t like being next to people, especially when he was feeling anxious, which he was now. He always felt like people would be annoyed of anxious Evan, and get sick of him almost instantly. He hated that feeling. Disappointing people, or making them uncomfortable. The only one that he could trust to not be annoyed around anxious Evan, was his mom. And even then, he had some moments where he thought his mom was sick of him.

On the other hand, he didn’t feel safe when he was alone. Especially when he was walking alone in the park, even though he loved to be by himself with the trees. Whether he was going to be attacked by animals, other people, or his own thoughts, he felt like if he walked alone, no one would get to him quick enough. He was happy he was walking alone today though. He wasn’t sure he wanted to be found.

No, replay that. Happy wasn’t the right word. He was glad nobody wasn’t around, but he wasn’t happy. Nothing about today was happy. Nothing about this week was happy. Nothing in his life was happy. It seemed like everything and everyone was out to get him. He couldn’t do a single thing right.

_Why can’t you be normal?_

He felt his lips mouth the word. _Normal._   

Evan took in a deep breath, trying to shake the memory from himself. But he couldn’t. It was just there, forever. The looked upwards, to the top of the trees. He needed to find some way to clear his head. Something to do. He grazed his fingers over his phone in his pocket. He put his conversation with Jared on mute. It was still hard to fight the urge to check, though he doubted Jared would text at all.

_Jared laughed cruelly and put his hand to is face, knocking up his glasses. Truthfully, he was trying to hide his eyes. He was crying. But Evan didn’t know that. He was paralyzed. It seemed like time stopped. He didn’t know what to say or do, so he just waited for Jared to speak again. Jared put his other hand on his hip. “God! Is it so hard for you to act normal for one FUCKING second?”_

_Evan felt a tear fly down his cheek on onto the floor, but he couldn’t do anything about it. His face hardly changed. It was getting hard to look at Jared, so he looked down and started playing with the hem of his shirt. “Sorry,” He whispered._  

He took off his jacket and set it beside the tree, taking in another breath. He tried to smile even though no one would see him. He needed it. Climbing would take his mind off of everything. He used to love climbing trees. He still did, but he barely had the time to do it anymore. Between work, school, and being at home, he barely had time to do anything he wanted to do. He remembered in middle school when he got home and his mom was gone, he would go out in the forest alone. That stopped after eighth grade.

_“EVAN,” He yelled, but for some reason, it didn’t sound mad. It still startled Evan and he jumped a bit, looking up at Jared, who quickly wiped away what tears he had on his face and did his best to make himself look mad. It was better than crying in front of Evan. “It...” He trailed off, and laughed. Which was cut short by a sobbing noise. He put his hand to his face again. “It...”_

Evan sighed. It’s ok. It’s not ok. It basically ruined my life, as in, I’m saying that _you_ ruined my life. If my mom wasn’t friends with your mom, we’d never even get along! All I want is for my parents to pay my car insurance, and believe me, if I could hang around someone better, I would. You’re such a sad excuse for a human, Evan. _I hope someone better comes your way, Jared._  

What were they even fighting about? Something stupid, probably. But Evan couldn’t think clearly. He didn’t want to think about Jared anymore. He grabbed the next branch, trying to pull himself up to where he could stand on another branch and leverage himself up. He wanted to be higher up. He wondered what the world would look like from up so high, and was suddenly immersed in the idea. Nothing else mattered.

He needed to see what was up there. He put his foot in between where the tree split. Even though it was a tight squeeze, he was able to lift himself up to the next branch. He slipped a little, but caught himself, turning around harshly to his back so it pressed against the tree and he was facing outward. He started breathing heavily before he regained his balance again. When the feeling of complete terror had left him, he realized nothing was a beautiful as this. He was almost as high as a few tree tops.

Evan stopped, and smiled, and leaned forward. His hand gripped the branch behind him. He leaned forward until the tip of his nose poked out of the shade. He could stay like this forever. It was calming, the most peaceful experience in Evan’s life. It was like nothing else matter. And he stayed like that, for two seconds, before the branch cracked. Evan leaned backward quickly, but it was too late. He fell. His knee fell hard on a wider branch, giving Evan enough time to grab something else. A smaller branch.

It was farther away, and Evan had to stretch to reach it. He took a few seconds to calm himself down and regulate his breathing, and that’s when he realized just how fucked he was. He stared at the ground below him. It all looked, so small. Everything down there. So far away. His mind started racing.

 _I’m up in a tree. O-oh god! I’m up in a tree! I’m going to fall, I’m going to die!_ His phone started to slip out of his pocket. He took one deep breath and closed his eyes, trying to sort his thoughts out. _But..._

But...

 _What’s so bad about dying? It’s living that’s hard._ His eyes snapped open. _You know, nobody would miss you if you let go. Jared’s mad at you. You’re a burden to your mom. Your father doesn’t even want to see you. Alana wouldn’t even bat an eye. Connor Murphy wouldn’t care. He doesn’t even know that you exist. Neither does Devin or Zoe or Hanna, even though you know all their names. No one notices you. No one cares._

_What if you just let go?_

He closed his eyes tightly, listening to the phone hit the ground. _No one would notice or care. I’d be free of this. They’d be free of me. I’d be helping..._

“Everyone,” He felt himself whisper. _Everyone. That’s right._ Very slowly, he let his knee fall off, and the rest of him tumbled afterward. He let his eyes open for a split second so he could see the sun, but all he saw were the changing colors of leaves. Red, yellow, green, brown. He gathered as much as he could before he closed his eyes again, landing on his arm, knocking all the breath out of himself.

The darkness in his eyes somehow became darker. He struggled to breath for a minute. He couldn’t move. And he had to keep remembering, _this is what I wanted, this is what I wanted,_ but it didn’t stop him from panicking. He alternated between feeling everything and nothing, but couldn’t do anything about it. His ears were ringing so loud he couldn’t hear anything. At first, he thought that if he just waited a few seconds, he would die off. But when that never happened, he wanted to know if someone was going to come get him.

But no one came. No one was there. He walked alone. He was alone. And he was in pain. Evan’s ears were still ringing in two minutes, but he started to open his eyes a bit and stare at the tree trunk. Slowly, Evan started to get up, but felt a hand softly push him back down. He cried out from pain and fear and he hear someone franticly yell: “Sorry!”

He closed his eyes and started hyperventilating. He still couldn’t hear who was talking, but it sounded like they were on the phone. _Jared?_ He wanted to call out. _Mom? I’m sorry._ He repeated. The person got off the phone, and Evan wanted to apologize so bad, but his mouth wouldn’t release the words and his brain wouldn’t put them together, but he thought it. Over and over. _I’m sorry._ His ears started to ring a little less. He heard the person pace the ground. _I’m sorry._ His phone buzzed. Once. Twice. You couldn’t mute calls. But he couldn’t answer it either. _I’m sorry._

“I’m sorry,” He found the strength to mumble.

The person stopped pacing. “For falling?” It was a voice Evan only heard a few times. Maybe someone at work. But he didn’t recognize it, which only made him feel worse. He should recognize it.

“I’m sorry,” _I didn’t fall. I..._

“Evan,”

 _What if it worked? What if I died? That would be better than this._ He felt sad that it didn’t work. Angry. Betrayed. _I should be dead!_ “I’m sorry,”

The person sighed. _I’m annoying them._ He wanted to apologize for that, put that would probably make it worse. He waited a couple of seconds while whoever was there kicked up leaves, then more people came. Evan was helped up. His forehead was bleeding and he didn’t even know it.

Through all the people, he was able to see clearly, the boy who quickly ran away to his car on the phone with someone else. The one who probably called. The one he had a crush on for years. He never interacted with Connor Murphy before, but he already apologized to him three times, looking bloody and bent out of shape, probably dirty as well. And even through all his embarrassment, Evan still had a little warm feeling in knowing that _Connor Murphy_ knew his name.     


	2. I'll Be The First, Then

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think this is just an excuse to not write my planned story

The door slowly creaked open. Evan looked up, still picking at a stray thread on the end of his sling. Heidi smiled, or tried her best too, as she walked in. She tiptoed to a chair beside Evan, even though there was no reason to keep quiet. Heidi slowly and carefully put her bag on the floor purse the chair. She looked like she had just come from work, and was absolutely exhausted, but she was still smiling. Still happy. Still _there._

Evan tried to smile as well, but it instantly faded as he kept picking at the stray thread. Heidi’s smile stayed as she rubbed Evan’s back a bit, and then took her hand away. Evan nervously chuckled, to which Heidi responded to with another nervous chuckle. “Hi,” Evan said dully.

“Hi,” She replied.

She cleared her throat and crossed her legs, moving towards Evan. She made another nervous chuckle, and Evan did one of his own, before she spoke. “So,” She stopped, looking more confused than when she started, staring at the floor. Evan’s mind started racing. _Why did you think it was a good idea to climb a tree? Why did you let go? Why didn’t you text me? Why weren’t you with Jared?_

_Why didn’t you die and just leave me alone?_

She looked at Evan before continuing, quickly taking in a breath. “Who’s Connor Murphy?”

Evan could feel his face get hot. He wasn’t expecting this question, although he realized the Connor was probably the one who texted her or called her here. He looked down. Then up. Then down. He started to stutter, then he looked back up. As far as his mom knew, he never had crushes before. Especially not on a guy. He looked back up. “Umm...he...”

The door opened again and both Heidi and Evan looked right at Connor Murphy, standing awkwardly in the doorway. His face started to gain a tint of pink, but he didn’t move. Somehow, Heidi’s smile got wider and Evan’s face got redder. Heidi stood up, and put her hand out to Connor Murphy. He hesitantly took it. “Hi, I’m Heidi Hansen, Evan’s mom,”

“Hey,” Connor said awkwardly, clearing his throat. He looked down, then back up. “Hi, Ms. Hansen,”

“You can just call me Heidi. And you are?”

“Connor,” he paused and cleared his throat again, obviously uncomfortable, “Murphy,”

Heidi looked back at Evan for a second, who smiled awkwardly, then looked down. Heidi looked back. “Thank you _so much_ for texting me and getting him here,”

Connor smiled awkwardly before digging in his pocket and bringing out Evan’s phone and handing it to Heidi. His smile faded. “I’m sorry, that I had it this whole time. It just kind of dropped before...he...dropped, it’s a little cracked but I was able to call 911 and text you so I don’t think it’s that bad,” He spoke quickly.

She slowly took it, flipping the phone slowly in her hands. Studying it like it could tell her the meaning of life itself. She cleared her throat, looking up at Connor. “Thank you. I know, uhhh,” She turned around, handing it to her son. “Evan?”

Evan took the phone with no hesitation and looked at it closely. He held his breath. _You can’t block calls._ 21 missed calls. Jared Kleinman. He winced, and flipped it around to see how cracked it was. He jumped when he heard a phone ring, but it was his mother’s. She took it and started slowly walking around the room. Both the boys’ eyes were on Heidi. “Right,” She nodded her head, then sighed in exasperation. “Right,” She said again, sounding a little more annoyed. “I’ll be right over,”

Heidi ended the call, bringing the phone down and staring at the black screen. Suddenly, she took in and let out a deep breath, then looked back to Connor and Evan with a smile. She sighed loudly. “So, I...have to go and I won’t be home until one, one thirty? I...” She trailed off, walking to her purse and digging inside for a second before she brought out a twenty and handed it to Evan, who just looked at it sadly. “I would have had something prepared that you could just, reheat. I know you hate ordering food honey, and- “

“I could do it,” Connor interrupted. Heidi and Evan looked back at him. Connor shrugged. “I mean, once Evan gets his results from the doctor on how long it’ll be before he gets his cast on, I mean, yeah, I could take him and order pizza or something. You don’t even have to use your money. I got my own,” He patted his pocket as Heidi grabbed her purse and stood up.

“Really? You could always just use my twenty, I don’t want it to be a big deal,” She tried to hand the twenty to Connor, who just chuckled and lightly pushed it away.

“Really. It’s my treat,” He shrugged. “The kid _just_ fell out of a tree,”

Relief washed over Heidi’s face and she put her money back. She stopped to look at Connor worryingly one last time. “You’re sure?”

“I’m sure, Ms. Hansen,”

She smiled. “Heidi is fine, honey,” She pat Connor’s shoulder and looked over to Evan, then walked to him quickly and planted a kiss on his forehead. She hugged him lightly, and he awkwardly hugged back with his one arm. “Love you sweetie. Be good, ok? Wait for the doctor before you go,”

“Ok. Love you too,” He said back, watching her walk out the door. Connor looked back and waved to her, before the door shut and he looked back to Evan. The room was filled with an awkward silence. Connor slowly walked over and sat in the seat Heidi was in before. His eyes were on the floor. Evan tried to bring his knees up to his chest, but his sling stopped him, so he just settled for sitting Indian style, setting his right hand in his lap.

“You and your mom are close,” Connor said suddenly. Evan looked up. The taller boy still wasn’t looking at him. But he was _here._ He could be anywhere he wanted to be, but he chose to be _here,_ with _Evan._ Suddenly, Evan found it hard to breathe right. He’d never been this close to Connor, really. He’d thought about talking to Connor a few times, but what if he said the wrong thing? What if he couldn’t say anything? What if Connor thought he was strange?

The closest he’d gotten to interacting with Connor was when Evan was talking to his sister, Zoe, about one of her friends that Evan knew, Alana, and Connor dragged Zoe away to do something for him. They made eye contact for one split second, before Evan started to hyperventilate and ran away. He didn’t know what to say to Connor. If he should say anything. Was it a question, like, ‘are you and your mom close?’ or a statement? An observation? He wanted to say something, but his moth wouldn’t let him.

The two sat in more awkward silence for at least two minutes before a doctor came in, slightly concerned that there was no parent around. He told Evan that his arm wasn’t too swollen, luckily, and he could get his cast on in two days, on Friday evening. Five days before school started. Connor and Evan thanked him as they left, piling into Connor’s car.

It was silent for the first five minutes, before Connor spoke up. “Put your address in the GPS,” Evan jumped at finally hearing Connor’s voice, but did it anyway. “And,” Connor added, pausing for a second as if to ask himself if he should say what he was going to say, “put your number in my contacts,” Evan froze for a second, not sure what to do. He made his way to Connor’s contacts to add himself. He only had three contacts. ‘Cynthia’, ‘Larry’, and ‘Sis’. His family, he bet. _But why would he call his parents by their first names?_ Evan thought as he put in his number, slowly.

“Why do you need my number?” Evan asked, then his face got red. “Not t-that I don’t want you to have it I mean I’m just a little confused is all because we never even really talk and no one ever-“

“Calm down Hansen. Jeez,” Connor replied calmly.

Evan took a second before a sunk deeper into the passenger seat. He looked out the window. “S-sorry,”

“It’s ok. I need your number to text when I’m picking you up on Friday,”

Evan looked at him confused. “I could just get my mom to drive me,”

Connor shrugged. “She might be busy. And I need excuses to get out of my house,”

“Oh,” Evan’s voice cracked a little. Well, he still wanted to drive him there. I mean, that was something. It’s not like he only used him for car insurance...

“...cast,”

“What?” Evan jumped a little, breaking his train of thought.

“I said,” Connor cleared his throat, “I’m going to be the first one to sign your new cast. Is that a problem?” Connor winced. He was sure he sounded meaner than he meant to at the last part.

Evan only wiggled in his seat a little. “No, it’s not,”

They were quiet for a few seconds. “Do you want someone else to sign it first?”

Evan thought of Jared for a quick second before he realized that Jared probably wouldn’t even want to sign his cast at all. He shook the thought out of his head. “No,”

“Well, good. I’ll be the first, then,” Connor said plainly. They sat in silence again, but nothing was really awkward this time. Evan was oddly happy. He was still convinced something bigger was in play. Something that made Connor want to be with him on Friday, but right now he could just be happy that it was happening.

Soon, they arrived at Evan’s house and walked to the porch without another word. It was late. The sun was more than halfway down, so it was still a bit light. A cold breeze settled in, making Evan shiver. Connor wondered for a second if he should offer Evan his jacket, but that might freak the poor boy out more than he was already, so he decided against it.       

Evan slowly opened the door, expecting no one to be home, but he barely cracked it open before he heard feet running down the hall. “Mom?” He called out, looking inside. He looked up at Connor and took a shaky breath before looking back inside and taking a small step toward the doorway. “Mom? I thought you...”

He trailed off when Jared’s head poked out from the hallway. His face lit up like a child on Christmas, before he made himself look pissed again. “JESUS CHRIST EVAN WHY DIDN’T YOU ANSWER ME?!” Jared sprinted over to the door before he saw Connor, then started to back up. “Why is _he_ here?” His eyes darted to Evan’s arm in a sling. “What happened to your arm?!” He looked back up at Connor. Evan started to rub the back of his neck.

“Well, it’s kind of-“

“Did _you_ break it?” Jared said, directing the question towards Connor.

“What? He-“

“Relax Kleinman,” Connor interrupted.

Jared looked at Evan. “Did you get in a fight or something?”

Evan’s eyes became wide and he shook his head violently. “N-no! He didn’t! I mean, _we didn’t!_ I f-fell out of a tree,”

“Why where you up in a tree?” Jared yelled. It took a second, then his eyes widened. He started to panic a little. They fought, and he ran away so quickly. He looked guilty as he ran. _‘It’s not your fault,’ He wanted to say, but couldn’t. The words just didn’t form._ He had an idea of what Evan was about to do. _It was all his fault, it was all his fault, it was all his fault..._  

Evan shrugged and looked away. “I donno. I just...wanted to climb? I thought it would be fun. W-we used to climb trees all the time when we were little,”

“Yeah, but we didn’t fall out of them!”

“It...it was an accident!”

Jared looked at Evan with disbelief, making Evan look away out of guilt. He was certain now that he knew what Evan was doing. _My fault, my fault._ Jared choked back his tears and cracked a weak smile, crossing his arms. “So, what? Does that make you an acorn or something?”

“I-“

“Knock it off, he had a rough day,” Connor interrupted.

He hid his voice cracks by making himself louder. “Evan, you can tell me if this guy actually did something. I’ll beat the shit out of him,”

“Try it,” Connor said through close teeth.

Evan was just about to back up, but Jared pulled him inside by his good hand. “No thanks,” Jared said cheerfully. “Now if you don’t mind,” He nodded to Connor’s car.

Connor stood there for a second, glaring at Jared, before he looked back to Evan. “You going to be ok?”

“I-I’ll be fine...” Evan mumbled.

“The pizza,” Connor said, worryingly. In all honesty, he didn’t want to leave yet, no matter what it meant to stay.

Jared pipped up. “I’ll order it. You’ll probably poison it,” He slammed the door in Connor’s face. “Bu-bye, freak,” He said quietly. Evan pulled his hand out of Jared’s grasp, and Jared turned to Evan. “What the HELL Hansen?! A text back would have been nice!”

“I-I’m sorry! I wasn’t, thinking,” He mumbled the last part, rubbing at his sling.

“Damn right you weren’t thinking! Why were you up in a goddamn tree in the first place?” He felt like he knew the answer, but he wanted to hear Evan tell him something else. Lie to him. And make it convincing. _Make me believe you._

Although he probably won’t believe Evan if he had the most convincing story on the planet. _He tried to do it in eighth grade too, that asshole._ And it almost worked. Jared cried for a week, but he wouldn’t let Evan know. He was back to joking with him and teasing him in no time. It was his fault then too. _All his fault. His fault._

“You know what? Why do you even care, Jared?”

“Your death equals no car insurance,”

Evan rolled his eyes. “Yes, how could I forget? All you care about is your precious car insurance,”

 _I care about you,_ Jared thought about saying. But that would probably scare both Evan and himself off. He’d mess things up like he always did, then every time Evan was around Jared, he would hide. Or make fun of him. Or be passive aggressive in his own Evan style. Or scared. Or sad. Or just stop talking to him. Instead of saying what was on his mind, he changed the subject. “Do you ignore your _mom_ like this?”

“No, because she’s there to _help,_ Jared. What do _you_ do? Decide to pick on me about being anxious then get scared your parents will stop paying car insurance when I run off? Do you think I choose to be like this?”

Jared backed up a bit. He didn’t know what else to say. He could always pull out the ‘you-feel-fine-talking-to-me’ card, but he’s used that one way too much. He could recite Evan’s answer by heart. _I’ve known you since we were five, Jared, it’s not the same thing._ Which was true. He felt more comfortable around Jared and talking to him, and Jared knew that.

In a way, he knew what Evan was going through too, but he also didn’t. He couldn’t understand why someone would be so panicked when they were alone. When they were with other people too, or for no reason at all. He didn’t understand why or how Evan would stop breathing for a minute, standing in front of people he didn’t know, and start shaking. He knew that Evan had his ‘moments’, he just didn’t know why or what he could do to help.

And that scared the shit out of him.

His nose scrunched up and he narrowed his eyes. “Fuck you, Evan. I come over here to check on you because you haven’t answered me all goddamn day- “

“Well, I’m alive so you don’t have to worry about your damn car insurance anymore,” His voice cracked and his right hand started to shake.

Jared stared at him for two minutes before scoffing and stomping out the door. Evan stood still, listening to him open his car door and yell something he couldn’t quite hear. He didn’t know if he wanted to hear. Someone yelled back. “ _Fuck you,”_  

 _“Yeah, you’d like that Murphy. Fucking fag,”_ He slammed the car door quickly and drove away almost as fast. Evan couldn’t move. He felt tiny beads of tears crowd the corner of his eyes, but he wouldn’t blink. _Connor was still there._ Seconds later, he poked his head through the door. Evan looked up and wiped his eyes. When he put his hand down, he wiped his arm on his shirt. No sooner than when he was done, Connor softly grabbed his hand and rubbed Evan’s knuckles with his thumb, looking at their hands together. Evan jumped back a bit. His face immediately turned red, and his stomach started doing backflips.

Connor cleared his throat, looking up at Evan. His grip loosened on Evan’s hand, but didn’t let go. He cleared his throat again, a little louder this time. “I knew he wasn’t going to order that pizza,”


	3. Three's A Crowd

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I know I said Jared wasn't a dick but

Connor _was_ the first one to sign his cast on Friday. Which made Heidi extremely happy and invite Connor over for dinner on Saturday. Which pissed Jared off, prompting him to sign right beside Connor’s, almost as big as his, but Jared made sure it was still visible. _Nothing but the best for my favorite family friend._ Once Jared left, Evan spent the rest of his day sat on his bed, staring at the two signatures.

Jared, of course, just wanted to make Connor mad. He wouldn’t have signed Evan’s cast otherwise, Evan was sure of it. He kind of didn’t want his signature there anyway. I mean, he knew that Jared didn’t really like him, he just stuck around him to benefit himself. He couldn’t care less about what happened to Evan or what he thought or how he felt. So why shouldn’t Evan do the same? He didn’t _not_ like Jared, but Jared wasn’t his favorite person either. He knew that if Jared suddenly stopped talking to him tomorrow, the two could go on with their lives like they never even knew each other. 

And life would probably stay the same for Evan. Jared, too.

When he looked at Connor’s, he couldn’t help but smile, but his smile would sometimes turn from a genuine one, to a confused one. Something bigger was defiantly going on. Why would Connor just willingly sign Evan’s cast? They weren’t friends, they’ve never even really talked before Evan ‘fell’. Maybe he felt somewhat guilty, because he was the one who found Evan. That’s why he drove him to get his cast. Maybe he remembered Evan talking to Zoe and wanted to get some weird kind of revenge, and he was going to turn around and do something terrible.

Maybe it was some weird bet, or Evan’s mom made a deal with him, or- “Did you text Connor to make sure he’s still coming?” Heidi yelled from the kitchen. Evan jumped, looking towards the opened door, even though all he could see was the hall. He forgot he had Connor’s number. He nodded his head dumbly even though his mom couldn’t see him.

“I’ll do it now,” He yelled back, pulling out his phone.

 **Evan [6:05]:** 6:20, or are you just not coming anymore?

He thought for a split second.

 **Evan [6:05]:** Because that’s ok, you don’t really need to

 **Evan [6:05]:** I’ll just tell my mom that you had a family thing

 **Connor [6:05]:** im just getting ready chill

He looked at the text, taking in a deep breath.

 **Evan [6:06]:** Yeah, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have been worried, that was dumb

He hesitantly put his phone down and looked out the window beside his bed, or, at the curtains hanging over the window beside his bed, and sighed. A little bit of light squeezed itself through the light blue drapes and shinned on Evan’s green colored wall. He stared into the small opening and squinted, like he could see more. But of course, that didn’t work, and Evan looked down to his feet. His hands sat in his lap, mindlessly tugging at the hem of his shirt.

A second later, he jumped again when his phone vibrated once, quickly picking it up.

 **Connor [6:08]:** why were u worried??

 _Oh god._ He winced a little. _That’s weird. That was weird! You hardly know Connor!_

 **Evan [6:08]:** I just thought you would ditch without saying anything and I was worried you wouldn’t come but then I thought that maybe you were coming but did something to yourself or something happened and you never texted me so

 **Evan [6:08]:** I just wondered if you were ok

Evan waited two seconds beside his phone before slowly putting it in his pocket. His hands started to sweat. _You scared him off, just like you do with everyone._ Evan mindlessly wandered into the kitchen and sat at the table, staring down at it.

_Now he’s not going to come and you’ll never get the chance to hang out with him ever again because you’re acting too clingy, god, why are you SO clingy? And he’s probably going to tell everyone at school and they’ll never stop picking on you and they’ll be staring at you and talk about you more than they usually do because ‘oh god, here comes that HANSEN kid who barely gives anyone room to breathe or do their own things who would want that in their life because that would be HORRIBLE right?’ god forbid that I actually leave anyone alone, I mean, I can’t even kill myself right I have to stay here and bug everyone else with my problems-_

He choked on the air a bit, realizing what he had just thought. He couldn’t do anything right, could he? He breathed in heavily and let out a shallow breath. Evan felt his legs start to shake. _Can’t even kill yourself right. Who can’t do that? You tried twice. Failure. Fucking failure._ He got up to get a drink of water as soon as Heidi walked in the room. “Evan!” She called out happily.

Evan choked again and dumped out his cup, leaning over the sink and coughing. Heidi quickly rushed over and pat his back, but she couldn’t say anything before Evan weakly mumbled: “Hi mom,”

Heidi let out a sigh of relief. “Don’t die before Connor can come over,” Evan looked out the window, shrugging.

“Don’t think I could,”

She pat Evan’s back and walked over to the stove, pulling something out and Evan tried to take another drink of water. It worked this time. He set it down in the sink and walked over to the fridge, almost knocking into Heidi in the process. “Sorry, Evan!” She said, steadying him and walking to a cabinet.

“Sorry,” He replied.

“Don’t you dare open that fridge,” She said when Evan put his hand on the handle. He slowly took it away and faked a small whine. Heidi had to stand on her tiptoes to reach three plates. “I’m so glad I didn’t have to work today. I’m excited Connor gets to come over tonight. It’s been ages since you had someone up here that wasn’t Jared,” She chuckled a bit, putting the plates on the table and reaching for silverware. “Not that Jared is bad, it’s just nice to see you branch out honey,” She paused, looking confused at the floor before she looked up at Evan with a shocked and slightly scared expression. “You asked him if he was allergic to any of this, right?”

Evan glanced at the pan of meatloaf, sitting on the stove with a pot beside it. Mashed potatoes. He nodded, looking back towards her. She let out a breath and smiled. “Good. I’m not having any of this go to waste tonight,” She said in a joking tone, but Evan could tell she was kind of serious. He chuckled a bit and started walking to the table with his hands in his pocket.

He barely took another step before someone knocked at the door lightly. Evan jumped out of shock, but his expression suddenly changed when he realized who it was and basically ran to open the door first. “I got it,” He said, even though he was already there. No sooner than when he opened the door that Connor’s hands flew on his shoulder. He held a giant smile on his face, but somehow looked as serious as when he found Evan on the ground.

“I’m here,”

It took Evan a second to register what Connor had said. He looked into Connor’s eyes, noticing that they were different. Alive. They looked more alive today. He had a few beads of tears balancing on the edge of his eyelid. They threatened to spill at any second, but Connor was smiling wide, like nothing was wrong. Maybe nothing _was_ wrong.

Maybe everything was fine for once.

___

“Damnit!” Connor yelled, throwing the controller down. But not that hard. This was Evan’s Wii, after all.

Evan chuckled a bit. “Are y-you done?”

Connor scoffed. “No,” He mumbled, picking up the controller again. Connor sat on the couch with his elbows on his knees, holding his controller close to his nose, like it would somehow make him better. He squinted from behind his hair, which he refused to put up. Evan was beside him, sitting on the floor. He started another round. Evan suddenly smiled confidently, choosing Rainbow Road and looking back to watch Connor’s eyes go wide. He jumped up, gesturing toward the screen. “That’s cheating!”

“We’ve played every other track,” Evan said happily.

Connor slowly sat down with a sigh. “Still cheating,” He mumbled, but played anyway.

Heidi had left an hour ago, and Evan didn’t want to be alone. Even though he didn’t say it out loud, Connor knew that it was the case, so he said that he could stay and play games. For one full hour, Evan had kicked Connor’s butt in Mario Kart Wii and Smash Brothers, which we’re really the only two games Evan played. Connor could tell that he had played them a lot. Mostly with Jared, Evan told him. Heidi had bought them one Christmas after Jared bought the Wii for Evan. _You seriously don’t play video games?_ Jared asked upon giving Evan the Wii. _We need to change that right fucking now, Hansen._

Evan didn’t necessarily want the Wii, but Jared would often come over to play it, and it made Evan feel less alone. It was quite pathetic, thinking back on it. But here with Connor, someone _new,_ someone he had a crush on for two years, it was actually kind of fun. Scratch that, it was amazing. But whenever Evan thought about it, he just thought that maybe Connor just didn’t have a gaming system at home and only wanted to be here so he could play the games, like it wouldn’t matter if Evan was there or not.

That was probably the case. Back to the game. Connor leaned to his right in real life, his remote fallowing him like somehow it would make a difference. He drifted too hard and fell off the right side and decided to take his anger out on Evan. “Fuck off, Hansen!”

Evan easily passed him as he was recovering. He shrugged. “It’s n-not my fault you’re bad at this game,”

“Damn,” Connor said. He chuckled and made a clicking sound with his tongue. “Were you always this savage?”

Evan blushed a bit and prepared to say something, but someone pounded angrily at the front door, causing Evan to jump. “Mailman,” Evan said before Connor could ask any questions . “H-he always k-knocks the door like that...” He tried his best to smile. He pushed himself up a little, only to have Connor stop him.

“I’ll get it,” He said. Evan couldn’t really tell if it sounded tired or not, but for some reason, he thought it did.

“I-I can do it,” He protested, even though he really didn’t want to.

“You were too scared to even ask the doctor for a light blue cast,”

Evan rubbed his cast. Light blue. They discussed it in the car. Evan wanted light blue, but when they came to the hospital, he seemed to settle with white until Connor said something. He looked down, his face holding a pink tint. “Y-yeah,”

“I’ll get it,” Connor repeated as he stood up and walked over to the door. Evan didn’t protest this time. He watched Connor open the door, but then his eyes quickly became wide and he shut the door again. He angrily looked over to Evan. “Did _you_ invite him?” He growled.

Evan shrunk back. “W-what?”

The door opened from the outside and Connor stepped back to avoid being whacked in the face. He was looking out the door with his arms crossed. Jared stepped in, waving excitedly at Evan. “Heyya, buddy!”

“J-jared!” Evan exclaimed in surprise. He jumped up, looking at a pissed off Connor. He franticly started waving his hands back on forth beside his head. “I promise, I had _nothing_ to do with this!”

“You’re not happy to see me?” Jared put his arm around Evan and looked at the T.V, then back to Evan. “Mario Kart? Can I join?”

“I-I only have two controllers...” Evan protested.

“And two of us. Can you do math?”

He frowned and looked at Connor. “But C-connor was playing, right Connor?”

“Actually, I was just leaving,” Connor spit out. Evan winced, causing Connor to look away and cringe at himself. He didn’t necessarily want to hurt Evan, and he really wanted to stay, but Jared was here now. Maybe Jared would be better for him. Connor took a step closer to the door and Evan flung himself to the boy, clinging on his shirt.

“Please don’t go,” He said eagerly. Connor looked at him and raised an eyebrow before looking concerned. Evan looked as if he was about to cry for a split second, but he also looked afraid. Of Connor. Of Jared. Of everything. Suddenly, he let go of Connor’s shirt and held his hands together, close to his chest. He looked like he was squeezing them. His gaze turned to the ground quickly and his expression twisted into complete embarrassment. “I..I...I me-an, you, it’s ok, youcangobecause, you...probably have so-mewhere t-to be, I didn’t mean that y-you _have_ to stay, I justwouldl-likeitifyoudid...but you don’t, _like_ butIunderstandImean-“

“Evan,” Connor cut him off, sighing. Then he smiled, or tried to, to reassure Evan that everything was ok. “Hey, hey,” He grabbed Evan’s hand softly, slightly squeezing it to make the shorter boy look at him, which wasn’t anything he hasn’t done before.

Evan looked back to Connor with wide eyes. He looked guilty of something. Connor sighed again. He rubbed circles on the back of Evan’s knuckles with his thumb to help calm him. “I don’t have anywhere else to go, I just thought,” he shrugged, “that you’d want some quality time with Jared, or something,”

“How _nice_ of you!” Jared practically yelled. He sat now in the place Connor was once sitting on the couch. “Ev, I’m getting bored,”  

Evan looked behind himself to Jared, who waved at him arrogantly. He looked back at Connor for a split second, then looked down to both of their hands. He had held Connor’s hand before, so it wasn’t anything exactly new, but every time Connor touched him he started to feel butterflies fill his stomach, franticly flying around, looking for an escape. At the same time, he felt safe and contented. That feeling stayed as the butterflies left. “I-I could spend time with both, both of you, you know?”

Jared made a weird humming sound, like he was chuckling but trying to hide it. “No, you can’t,”

“Why can’t you just be nice?” Evan whined.

“You shouldn’t even be around him, Evan! He’s bad news! Probably waiting for the perfect opportunity to murder you or something,”

“He wouldn’t d-do that, Jared. Jesus, h-he’s...he’s...”

“No,” Connor interrupted, narrowing his eyes at Jared. “He’s right. Who knows what the local school shooter is planning to do to you, young, innocent, Evan. By the end of the day, you just _might_ be smoking some drugs, if not _dead,”_ He directed all his hate towards Jared, but Evan still flinched like Connor was trying to be mean to _him_.

Jared rolled his eyes, tilted his head, and looked over to Connor with a smug smile on his face. “That’s right!” He said as if he was talking to a little kid. He looked back at Evan and started whining. “Ev. Man, came on, let’s just play video games together,” He somehow changed his smile into a sincere one. “You know you miss beating me in Mario Kart,”

“W-why ca-“ Evan couldn’t get any further before Connor snapped. He stomped closer.

“You have no fucking room to speak, you know goddamn well that you don’t give a single shit about what happens to Evan or anyone, so don’t act like you do,”

Jared, slightly shocked Connor yelled at him, started sinking in his seat and looked over at Evan, who looked like he was about to cry. _Because of Connor? Because of Jared? Because of the situation?_ Jared’s mind started racing. _Your fault._ Evan’s face was pale. His head was down and he was fiddling with the hem of his shirt, his eyes were moving quickly to follow the lines of wood on the floor. Jared suddenly snapped his head back up, enraged. He was afraid, but he straightened out his back anyway and looked into Connor Murphy’s eyes. He scoffed. “And _you_ do? You don’t have some super fucked up reason for trying to squeeze your way into Evan’s life?” He scoffed again and smiled smugly. “Either that or you just feel _bad_ for him...”   

Evan’s head suddenly shot up to look at Jared. Shocked. Guilty. Jared’s smile quickly faded and he suddenly didn’t care if Evan noticed. _I fucked up, I fucked up, oh my god. I really fucked up!_ But he couldn’t say anything out loud. His mind was screaming at him to apologize or yell at Connor some more or do _something._ But just as usual, nothing happened And he was frozen, watching everything fall apart again. Connor opened his mouth to say something, then he quickly closed it.

He looked at Evan, and his face twisted into worry as the shorter boy looked up at him in fear and concern. He looked like he had just been hit, which he might as well have been. His breathing was shallow, but he could do nothing to control him. Connor reached out to touch him, but Evan pulled away quickly, letting a tear fall. Connor suddenly found himself holding back tears of his own. “E-Evan...” he stuttered, moving closer, “I swear that’s not-“

“Nohesright,” Evan quickly responded, stumbling backwards. “I’m sorry,” He practically whispered, whipping a tear off his cheek, which was just replaced as soon as he put his hand back down. “Youdon’thavetostayhereif-“

“No, no, no, no,” Connor repeated, trying to smile. It didn’t work.

“I’msosorryIdidn’tmeanthatyouhadtostayifyoudontreallywantothangoutwithmeI didn’t,” he coughed and his voice turned gruff, “mean to make you _uncomfortable,”_

Connor walked closer to Evan and awkwardly put his hands on Evan’s, which was near his chest, held together. Evan didn’t back away this time, but he didn’t look at Connor. “Evan, that’s not...” He whined, shooting a rude look at Jared, who was still staring at Evan, dazed. Evan backed up again, loosing breath.

“Ijustcan’tdo...” Evan tried to catch his breath. “I just...” He tried to take a deep breath, but when he did, a sobbing noise escaped. Upon hearing, Jared finally popped up, about to run and comfort Evan, but Connor was faster.

He rushed towards the smaller boy and embraced him, trapping his arms beside him and his balled up hands in-between their chests. Not that either one of them minded. Evan let out a groan and quickly freed his own arms, wrapping them around Connor’s middle tightly. He buried him face in Connor’s chest and softly started to cry again. Not knowing exactly what to do, Connor awkwardly played with Evan’s hair. It seemed to work, however, because Evan’s sobs started to slowly fade.

Connor slowly rocked Evan back and forth and kept playing with his hair for minutes. The two said nothing as Jared sat there, wanting to do something.

_To say something._

But instead his face scrunched up as he quietly stood up, looked at the ground, and made his way to the door. He glanced back once at the two in the room. Both of their faces were covered. Evan was pulling a bit at the back of Connor’s black hoodie, brushing fingers past the fabric or kneading it.

_“Why do you do that?” Jared asked, sitting beside Evan on the couch after school. The two had homework but didn’t really want to do anything. “That thing in the bathroom, you were kinda grabbing at my shirt and just...pulling, or rubbing. Is that some weird kink of yours?” He joked, grinning._

_Evan’s eyes widened and his face became red. “Jared! No!”_

_Jared scoffed. “Whatever helps you sleep at night,”_

_“No, it’s...” Evan trailed off, wiggling in his seat. Jared though that he might have overstepped a bound, but pushed the thought to the back of his head because, Evan seemed fine. He was fine. “When I get like that, panicking, you know...everything just seems...less real I guess,”_

_Jared chuckled. “So, you were making sure I was real?” Evan dumbly nodded and Jared shrugged. “Well, sorry to disappoint you Ev, but I’m 100% real,” Evan opened his mouth to say something, but quickly shut it and looked away. A part of Jared was disappointed that he didn’t say anything._

He sighed, quiet enough so no one would hear, and shut the door, walking to his car quickly and quietly. He dumbly slid in, almost hitting his head on the roof because he wasn’t looking out for it, slamming the door. He just sat with his hands on the wheel like he was going to drive, but he didn’t. Not for 10 minutes. He just sat. And stared. And he didn’t notice when hot tears started to roll down his cheeks.

_You’re a fucking idiot._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I swear to god I'm going to try to put some fluff in this story at some point just wait it out with me ok  
> I'm really sorry that it took so long to post this, I try not to take this long usually, but things have been crazy between school and mental stuff and family stuff. ALSo I don't have the (confidence) time to answer every comment but I appreciate all of you who read this and actually like it and comment, it makes me so happy and just keep. being. awesome!!!


	4. Sorry Isn't Enough

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> My poor, pining son...s

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me: Ok, I've got four pages of math homework and I need to stay focused because I don't want to have to do this on Saturday  
> Me: ....  
> Me: ...  
> Me: You know what I like  
> Me: Writing

_Jared had made fun of Evan for being clingy when they were twelve because he thought it was cool to pick on the kid all the high schoolers hated. But his insides were breaking as he watched his best, and only friend cry and grow distant over months. Evan thought Jared hated him._

_And Jared never told him otherwise._

_One day, 8 th grade, January 25th, Evan didn’t show up to school. _

Jared tapped his foot nervously under his desk staring at the back of Evan’s head while the blond took down notes. He almost chuckled. They already knew the math they were going over. He knew Evan already knew what they were going over. He had mastered it, but he always took notes on whatever they were learning or reviewing.

It was two days into the school year. Seven days after he accidently ruined everything and walked out, leaving Evan and Connor alone. Seven days since he last spoke to Evan. The first day of school, Jared was too nervous to bring himself to say anything to Evan. He wanted to start talking to him again, to fix their relationship, but would Evan want to do the same?

He had Connor now. The first day of school, Jared had seen Connor walking Evan to every class. They were talking next to lockers or in the halls, laughing together. They looked happy. Happier than Evan looked in a long time. It made Jared sick every time he passed them. He couldn’t ever give Evan that if he kept acting the way he was. And that was the only way he knew how to act around the boy. Around anyone, in fact.

Jared’s eyes anxiously glanced at the clock on the wall, but he barely had time to see what time it was before the final bell of the day rung. When he glanced back down to Evan, the shorter boy was already picking up his stuff and quickly disappearing in the halls. But he knew where Evan’s locker was. He didn’t bring anything to his last class really, because he knew the information they were going over already. And he wanted to be out quickly. He made his way through the crowds of people, being pushed, shoved and yelled at by people he only knew the names of.

Which didn’t do anything to calm his nerves. What if Evan didn’t need to go to his locker, and he just stood around waiting like an idiot? What if Connor was there and stopped Jared from talking to him at all? But he couldn’t just nix trying to talk to Evan today. He already failed yesterday, what if today was the last day to do it? What if, after this, Evan never wanted to talk to Jared ever again?

Jared’s thoughts were cut short when he made it to Evan’s locker. Evan payed no attention to him, opening the door. He was early. Jared grinned, leaning against the side of the lockers. Metal pressed into his arm and poked at him, but he didn’t want to move. It was uncomfortable, Jared thought, but at least it didn’t hurt.  

He stayed silent for two seconds, just staring at Evan, who didn’t even know he was there. Maybe he didn’t even want him there. His only friend, who he wronged. He needed to make it right. He took a deep breath. _Something friendly. Be cool. Just like, hi Ev! Sorry I wasn’t talking to you. See, it’s a funny story. I was scared you would hate me and your new boyfriend would beat me up. You know, because I threw you in a panic attack the other day?_ Jared cringed at himself. _Don’t say that._   

“Hey, Acorn,” He cringed harder. _I SAID FRIENDLY, KLEINMAN. GODDAMN YOU._

The boy didn’t acknowledge Jared at all. He opened his locker, mindlessly pulling his bookbag out and shoving the books he held in his arms inside. Jared cleared his throat. “Evan,” He tried again. Again, Evan ignored him. He glanced to his right and saw Connor walking down the hall, glaring at Jared. Jared took in a deep breath and looked down at his feet before letting it out. He looked back to Evan. _Please, I want to make it better. Please! Say something!_

“Ac-“

Evan slammed his locker and snapped his head to Jared angrily. “I really don’t want to talk to you right now, Jared. Or, ever, maybe,”

“W-wha?” Jared was taken aback. He had expected Evan to say something along the lines of ‘not today’, or to react poorly when Jared tried to talk to him. But, ever? Connor walked beside even and put his arm around his shoulder. Evan’s face turned to a bright pink, but he didn’t take it off. Jared narrowed his eyes at the taller boy. _That’s why he’s being so cold._ “Gr _eat,”_ He spit out venomously. “You two are fucking now?”

“None of your damn business, Kleinman,” Connor hissed. Evan looked like he was about to say something, then changed his mind.

He crossed his arms and grinned evilly. “I’ll take that as a yes,” 

“N-no,” Evan muttered, looking at his hands that fidgeted with his cast, “we’re not. I’m n-not gay,” _You’re a terrible liar._

“What? And this hunk hasn’t turned you on yet?” Jared replied mockingly.

Evan’s head shot up, full of anger. Instead of answering Jared’s question, he lowered his voice and began to bicker at Jared. “Five d-days, without _any_ contact. _Any_ word from you. You know, if you expect me to text back when _you_ text me, shouldn’t you do the same?”

None of them said anything as Evan let out a sigh of relief.

Jared leaned his elbow into the side of the locker even harder. _That would make a mark._

He almost frowned, then changed it into a grin.

“I assumed you were busy banging Connor,”

“Did you know how worried I was?” Evan ignored his sarcastic statement.  “And how mad I was that I was worried? I really shouldn’t be. You never worry about me, or care. So why should I, right? You know what, if you’re just going to be a jerk whenever we hang out, just leave. I’ll lie to my mom. Tell her that you’re being nice to me so your parents don’t stop paying car insurance. You know what, that’s not even a lie! Leaving me alone is probably the nicest thing you’ll ever do for me,”

Jared backed up. Connor looked at Evan, wide eyed. And Evan just stood there awkwardly, expecting Jared to say something back. Joke. And Jared wanted to do something. Or, thought he wanted to. But every time he opened his mouth, nothing would come out. Evan realized this and sighed. Connor spoke first. “I need to get a paper, Ev. Wait outside for me or something, ok?”

“O-ok,” Evan replied, preparing himself to say something else, but Connor walked off before he had the chance. Evan sprinted down the hall, into the crowd of people, but Jared could just stand, shocked, beside the group of lockers. He rubbed the spot on his arm where the metal was poking him. _That would be more than a mark. That’ll be a bruise._

Jared scowled at nothing as he punched the sides of the lockers. Bad idea. He immediately howled in pain and held his fist close to him. _Evan hates you. Connor hates you._ “Fuck!” He mumbled. Half because of his hand, half because he was totally screwed. He could always get a job. Pay the damn car insurance himself. It was easier that his mom was paying it because he hung out with Evan, but it was never really a choir. Yes, he would have preferred it that way, but even if his mom wasn’t paying, he would still hang out with Evan.

He apparently didn’t get the memo that physically trying to take your anger out on lockers didn’t work because he kicked it, making his toes feel like they were going to shatter. He jumped in pain and then walked away, feeling slightly bad about denting someone’s locker. But they probably deserved it. Whoever it was. They were probably an asshole. _And I’m the king!_ Jared’s mind sung in a sarcastic, cheery manner. He silently hoped that he had dent Connor Murphy’s locker.

He stormed through the hall, avoiding eye contact. Jared tried to focus on what other people were talking about instead of what he was saying to himself, which was utterly impossible. His mind was screaming at him. A million different things. Not things he hadn’t heard before, however. But this time it was more real to him. Everything was. His outside body was numbed, but he was dying.

“She is such a _slut,”_ “Yeah, I know, right? And then Ellen says...” “Ellen says what?” “OH HI ELLEN! How were your classes?”

_Now you won’t ever have any friends or any reason to be away from your stupid ass house..._

“No. Hamilton was hella bi, Casey. I’m not lying...” “That doesn’t justify his actions, but he does get extra points now,”

_All because you fucked up and can’t say sorry like any normal person would._

“It’s supposed to be in a pill form. It teaches you how to be cool,” “That’s fake,” “My cousin had one!” “Your cousin set fire to his boyfriend’s house, I don’t trust him,”

 _No. You have to make some stupid joke about the situation that no one finds funny and be a general dick to everyone in your path..._  

“No, he looks just like Mike Faist!” “You’re a liar,” “I swear to god! Look!” “Oh my god, you’re not a liar,”

Jared opened the door with his shoulder and looked up long enough to see Evan sitting up against a tree near the parking lots, writing on something. Even though Jared knew Evan couldn’t see him, he flattened himself against the side of the building, looking at him.

Evan bobbed his head to the side slightly, like he was dancing to something. His left earphone was probably in, covered by the grey jacket he borrowed from Connor. It was too big for him, and Evan had to roll up the sleeves to keep writing, but he didn’t take it off. Not for the two days Jared had seen him. He saw Connor give Evan the jacket at the beginning of the first day and Evan accept it, giggling like crazy. It was adorable.

Jared sat down slowly, crossing his legs. He couldn’t see Evan’s face, but he remembered that when Evan focused, the edge of his tongue seemed to sick out of the side of his mouth. It would make him look silly and amazing at the same time. But Jared only made fun of it. He frowned. _Makes you wonder, why didn’t he just leave you years ago?_ Because he didn’t have anyone else. He sighed. There was no other reason. Jared wasn’t important to Evan Hansen. He wasn’t special, he wasn’t wanted. Not by anyone.

Evan was all he had. And now...  

“Stalking Evan?” Jared’s stomach jumped to his chest, but when it came back down he looked up and scoffed as Connor looked down in disappointment. He sat down beside him, pulling his knees up to his chest.

“Care to join?” Jared said sarcastically. Connor growled but started to look at Evan anyway.

Connor sighed. “I wanted to talk to you,”

He was looking at Jared when Jared snapped his head beside to look at him. “Yeah?” He hissed.

The taller one wasted no time. “Evan missed you, those seven days,” He looked to Evan and shrugged. “I don’t know why. You’re an asshole,”

“Thanks,” Jared chirped. _Evan missed me._ He started to frown as he looked back at the writing boy, smiling at his notebook. _And I ignored him._

“My point is, he misses you, he’s still mad so you need to apologize,” Connor snapped.

Jared took a breath and waited for a few seconds before replying so quietly, Connor thought, at first, he had made it up. “I can’t,” _I’m scared. I’m so scared. Don’t let anyone know that, but I’m terrified._

“Why is it so hard? Don’t you want to talk to him again?”

“Yes! I do! I just...” Jared snapped, then trailed off. _I’m scared. I can’t. I’m so scared!_

Connor sighed and leaned to Jared a bit. “Then just go over. I’m waiting for you to talk to him,”

“I can’t right now...” Jared complained.

“Then what the _fuck_ is your deal?” Connor raised his voice, his face was twisted in anger. Jared swore he saw fire in his eyes.

“What if I say something wrong!” Jared yelled. Connor’s face suddenly relaxed. Realizing that some people started looking, Jared lowered his voice and his face got red, but talked quickly. “What if I scare him? What if he meets sensitive Jared and decides he doesn’t like him? I can’t lose him, and I know I will because I’m an insensitive dick, but what if I’m just too...” Jared sighed, shaking. He almost whispered the last part. “Clingy?”

Connor was silent. Jared sighed. _Great, now Connor doesn’t like me either. And that lowers my chance making it up to Evan._

His suspicions were proved right when Connor broke the silence. “I don’t like you. I flat out despise you,” Connor said plainly.

“Aww!” Jared exclaimed in endearment, pushing down the lump in his throat. He slapped Connor’s back playfully, which made him curl up closer to his knees and growl. “Me too, buddy!”

Connor made a hissing sound, but continued anyway. “But _Evan_ likes you,” He stated, putting emphasis on Evan’s name

“Evan likes _you,_ ” Jared said, hiding his voice crack with a rude chuckle. “Too much,” he shrugged, “it’s pretty gay,”

“I’m pretty gay,” Connor didn’t put an emotion on the statement. It was just a statement. He wasn’t looking at Jared. Just Evan. Jared, however, glanced at him. Not with shock, but sadness in a way. He had a feeling, when he saw how Connor looked at Evan. How Evan would look back. It hurt Jared to think about. He wanted to be with Evan first, but that wasn’t happening.

 _You can’t even be nice to the guy. He hates you. He’s scared of you._ Jared winced, looking back at Evan, with his pencil down. Smiling, taking a second to admire his work, before contuning.

“Oh,” Jared replied solemnly. He looked at the grass for a few seconds as his vision blurred. He didn’t even try to stop it. As much as he loved seeing Evan happy, in this moment, he wished Connor was never around. He would run back to Jared. And maybe Jared could change for him. He wanted Evan. _Oh god, that’s terrible. You’re terrible._ “You really like him. Like that. Don’t you?” It was meant to be one, but didn’t come out like a question.

Connor sighed. “Yeah,” A few seconds went by and no one said anything. Their eyes stayed on the boy who didn’t notice that they were there. He seemed happy. Peaceful. Free. “You?” Connor broke the silence.

“Yeah,” Jared said, mindlessly, not worrying if Connor would do anything to him. It’s not like he had a chance anyway. Jared sighed hopelessly “I do,”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DO YOU WANT SOME FLUFF *slams fist on key board as Sincerely Me plays in the background* I MEAN I WAnt to give you guys fluff but I'm really bad at it anYWAY CHAPTER 5 WILL BE A FLUFFLY CLOUD because you guys deserve it


	5. For Forever

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys seriously dodged a major bullet and you don’t even know it...  
> Just because I decided to write fluff smh

_“I guess I’m sorry,” Jared shrugged. Connor, who was standing behind him, punched him in the middle of his back. Hard. Jared quickly turned around and narrowed his eyes at Connor. But the taller boy’s hands were already in his pockets. He held a grin on his face and shrugged. They glared at each other for two full seconds before Jared turned back around to meet with a very confused Evan. “I-I’m sorry. I promise, I am, I was just trying to joke...”_

_The second Evan didn’t respond, Jared froze up. His face got red and his chest tightened._

_Hehatesmehehatesmehehatesmehehatesme._

_He squeezed his hands behind him. His nails pressed in his palm so hard they made marks. They started to bleed a bit, but Jared was numbed. He kept squeezing, digging further._

_Hehatesmehehatesmehehatesmehehatesmehehatesme._

_“Kleinman,” Connor whispered, only loud enough for Jared to hear. Jared just mumbled something unintelligible back. That’s when Connor quickly took Jared’s hand and opened it, wrapping his own around the middle so Jared couldn’t hurt himself._

_Without thinking about it, Jared wrapped his own hand around the back of Connor’s, so that they were holding hands. Connor blushed a little, but it seemed to calm Jared down, so he didn’t pull away. “Apologize for leaving and ignoring me,” Evan’s voice shook. But he never stuttered. Jared only received a light squeeze from Connor. He choked back a sob, hoping no one would recognize what it was. But Evan knew him too well. He rushed over and wrapped his arms around the shorter boy’s neck, burying his face in his arms which rested on his shoulders, hoping to calm him. But he was shaking too._

_Connor let go of Jared’s hand to give him the opportunity to hug back. “I know you are. I know you’re sorry,” Evan stumbled on his words, which were already muffled by his arms and Jared’s shoulders. Still, everyone knew what he said. “I am too,”_

_“N-nuu-n...” Jared mumbled out. His mouth wasn’t working. His brain wasn’t working. It was so comfortable here. With Evan. He never wanted to leave. He began to calm down._

_Don’t be sorry. Don’t be. I’m sorry. Times a thousand. Why are you sorry? I’m the dick. I’ve been nothing but a dick since seventh grade. I’m sorry._

_“So-sorry. S-so so s-“ He pulled out of himself. He was unable to say anything else._

_Don’t be sorry. Don’t be sorry. Please don’t be sorry. It’s not your fault._

_I knew it wasn’t a good idea to bring you to a party, in the beginning._

_I knew you would have a panic attach._

_I knew you would want to go home._

_Why did I leave you?_

_Why did I yell at you?_

_My fault. Everything._

_Suddenly, Jared hugged Evan around his waist tightly, then loosened up for fear of hurting him. But Evan somehow came closer to Jared and he started squeezing him again. He was dependent. He realized, not for the first time, but it hit him even harder now, he would be nowhere without Evan. Evan, who he pushed away. Evan, who he wanted to say sorry to for so many reasons but just couldn’t get the words out. Even now, there was so much more he wanted to apologize for, but he was still scared. He couldn’t find the words. Evan, who he had treated like shit over and over again, but he kept coming back to his ‘family friend’._

_Family friend._

_This was Evan. Who he called a family friend. Who he loved. And he hated himself for it. He would never, ever deserve Evan, but here he was. “Shhh,” Evan whispered out, stretching up his chin so it pressed awkwardly against Jared’s forehead. But the two found it almost therapeutic, just listening to each other breathe. Every hidden sob, every mumble. They hadn’t hugged each other since they were seven, but god, it felt amazing._

_“It’s ok,” Evan whispered again, “it w-wasn’t, but i-t is now. We’re ok,”_

_Jared’s breath hitched, and then wavered slowly. He whispered back in reply. Quieter than Evan. “Ok,”_

___

Jared popped up from the back seat, putting his elbows on the back of the passenger and driver side seat where Evan and Connor were supposed to sit. He bounced up and down excitedly as the two other boys slid in.

_“It’s the weekend...” Jared whined, falling off of Evan’s couch beside Connor, who was already just laying on the floor. Connor turned his head over to Jared, looking emotionless, and saluted him. Jared looked back up to the ceiling. “I need to do something fun...”_

_“Video games?” Evan asked._

_Jared scoffed. “No, like. Real fun,”_

_“Kinky,” Connor replied._

_Evan stuttered nervously and Jared chuckled, hiding it with another scoff. “You wish,” Connor only shrugged._

He smiled in an odd way while Connor started backing up. Connor tried to make himself taller to see behind him. “Move your big head, Kleinman, I can’t see the road,” Evan stifled a chuckle and Jared made an overexaggerated frown, but ducked anyway. Once they got on the road, Connor started to ask Evan about trees. No specific species. Trees. How long different species got to live, the tallest ones or the shortest ones, the prettiest ones. Evan raised his eyebrow, but once Connor got him started, he couldn’t stop.

Jared just leaned forward and listened. How was this never a conversation he had with Evan? He knew the boy knew a lot about trees, why did he never ask? Evan started on the most common ones and somehow made it to the topic of a rare species in Europe, ones that were more flammable then others to ones that hardly ever caught fire, or ones that lived the longest or why Redwoods were the tallest. Once he touched the subject of apple trees, Connor glanced over at him and smiled in an all-knowing way. Evan didn’t notice and kept talking, but Jared noticed. He didn’t pointed it out, he just eyed the taller teen suspiciously.

_Evan shrugged._

_Jared sighed._

_And Connor sat up abruptly, leaning against the couch and smiling smugly. He looked at Jared and Evan, who both raised their eyebrows. He looked at Evan. “Do you trust me?”_

_“Yeah?” Evan slowly nodded. Connor looked over at Jared._

_“Do you trust Evan?”_

_Jared sat up and crossed his arms. “About trusting you?” He looked up at Evan, who shrugged again, then nodded. He looked back at Connor. He shrugged. “Why not?”_

_Grinning wildly, Connor popped up, walking towards the door. “Follow me,”_

Jared’s eyes were on Evan, and they sometimes glanced over to Connor when Evan would pause so Connor could reply. But he usually just nodded or said ‘mhm’ to show that he was listening. Sometimes he glanced over to Evan when he wasn’t looking and smile. A relaxed smile. Jared had seen it plenty of times when Connor and Evan were together. From Evan’s side and Connor’s. Jared could swear that he saw Connor’s eyes light up when he saw Evan, trying to emphasize how important something was.

He had come to terms with the fact that Connor had a crush on Evan. They had talked about it a little later. Since both boys just wanted Evan to be happy, they decided they wouldn’t make any moves on him, and just let him decide for himself. He might not even like any of them. He might actually be straight, who knows? And they accepted it. They shook hands with their eyes narrowed, not trusting one another. They still hated each other, but maybe they could at least pretend get along.  

Evan used his hands when he talked, making weird movements that no one could understand, or hitting the side of his left hand slightly on the palm of his right hand when he was trying to remember something. “But they have to grow in exactly the right place. You can’t just plant them anywhere, you know?”

Connor just nodded, making another turn.

“The soil needs to be, like, kind of shaded but the leaves need sunlight w-w-which make it _hard_ to pick the right place. _And_ , and, you also have to worry about the insects. But they’re r-really pretty, sometimes,” Evan trailed off, not realizing what he was saying. He stared at the sky and sighed. “Are we there yet?”

Connor started laughing. “This is your fourth time asking Ev, calm down,”

Evan wiggled in his seat. “Well we’ve been out here for a long time,”

“Well, lucky for you,” Connor slowly pulled under the shade of a tree. When he parked fully, he looked over at both Evan and Jared, and smiled. “We’re here now,”

Jared looked around and raised his eyebrow at Connor. “That old abandoned orchard?”

Evan’s face lit up. “Orchard?” And he quickly stumbled out the door, but stopped once he got out and looked up at the array of tall apple trees, smiling. Connor and Jared exchanged a quick glance and chuckled a bit before looking back at Evan, who had his head poked through the door. “Abandoned?”

Connor started to unbuckle himself. “It closed down a few years ago. There won’t be anybody here but us, so I thought you’d enjoy it,” Jared and Connor slid out in time to watch Evan hop up a bit in excitement. He looked beside him at Connor and smiled wildly.

“I do! I mean,” He cleared his throat and looked down, trying to compose himself and losing his smile. But it hopped right back on his face when he looked back up. He started picking at his cast. “I don’t get to go out much and when I do it’s to the store or something...” He cleared his throat again. “This is really nice,”

Jared walked behind the car to be behind Evan. He put his arm around the taller boy’s shoulder, which was a bit awkward. Evan jumped a little out of fear, but calmed down in discovering that it was Jared. Connor, however, glared at Jared, which made him put his arm down and cross his arms over his chest, but he was smiling. “You sure you’re not planning to murder us here ConCon?”

Connor’s face shriveled in disgust. “Don’t fucking call me ConCon, what the fuck Kleinman?”

“Aww,” He said in disappointment. “You can call me Jare-bear!” He chirped.

“In your dreams,”

“Wait,” Evan looked around the three. When he looked back at Connor, he raised his eyebrow. “Isn’t this illegal?”

Jared pat Evan’s shoulder, pulling him a bit closer and hugging him a bit. He shot a self-righteous look at Connor that yelled ‘I win’. Connor just narrowed his eyes. “Sorry to disappoint you Acorn, but murder is 100% illegal,”

“No, not murder. Isn’t this orchard closed?” He asked in concern.

Connor shrugged. “If the cops catch you then it is. But right now, it’s not. And I’ve been coming here for a while and never got in trouble for it, so it’s really ok,” He pointed behind him. “There’s an opening over there. Just go to the first tree. I need to get some things,” He glared at Jared, who chuckled nervously.

“I’ll come with you, Ev,”

“I need some help, _Jare-bear,_ ” Connor hissed, a forced smile plastered on his face. He looked back to Evan. “We’ll be there in just a second,”

Evan nodded and started walking to the entrance. When he was far enough away, Connor grabbed Jared’s wrist tightly and brought him close, looking into his eyes like he wanted to kill him. He’d be lying if Jared said he honestly wasn’t scared as fuck in that moment.

Connor broke him out of his daze. “We agreed that we wouldn’t make a move on Evan,”

Jared just grinned arrogantly. Or tried to. The expression was changed by fear and basically screamed at Connor not to hurt him. “Oops,” He said, nervously chuckling. He quickly corrected himself. “But do you really count that as making a move on Evan? I mean, you do that at school sometimes,”

Connor’s face unwound and his hand dropped to his sides. “You see that?”

“Oh my god, you’re trying to make moves on Evan while I’m not watching?!” Jared crossed his arms.

“No!” Connor spit out, but both of them knew it was a lie.

Jared threw his hands in the air and chuckled. “I can’t believe you! I knew I shouldn’t trust you!”

He started walking away but Connor grabbed his shoulder and spun him around. Instead of ignoring it, like he thought he should have, he moved closer and looked up to Connor in a fit of anger, hoping to intimidate him. It didn’t work really, but Connor’s expression relaxed again and he sighed, backing away from Jared, which made Jared relax a bit. “Look, I...” His voice was still raised. He cringed. _Get it under control Murphy. You were doing so well..._ He thought of Evan, who looked terrified when he yelled at Jared after they played video games, and his voice lowered. “I just...”

“Listen man,” Jared sighed. “I like him too, but if we _both_ want to be his _friends_ then we need to, I don’t know, set ground rules or something. Apparently not making a move on Evan wasn’t clear enough,” He growled the last sentence, looking at Connor.

Connor walked to the very back and pulled out a picnic basket. He sighed, shutting the truck and walked up to Jared. He crossed his arms to the best of his ability. “What are you thinking?”

“I think, maybe an arm around the shoulder is fine in a friendly type way,”

“I hold his hands to calm him down sometimes. I think that’s acceptable,”

“If you get to do it, I get to do it,”

“Only when he’s panicked. Just use it as reassurance,”

Jared nodded. “Right. But if I think it’s crossing a line, I’ll signal you somehow. And just, stop doing it,”

Connor nodded back. “I’ll do the same,”

Jared stuck out his hand and Connor shook it slowly. Jared stopped and raised an eyebrow. “And we need to trust each other. If I see you doing something we didn’t agree on, I get to tell Evan that I like him,”  

The taller boy stepped back a bit, shocked for a second, but quickly put on a straight face. “Fine, but if I see _you_ making a move, I get to tell Evan that _I_ like him,”

“Fine by me,” Jared said, gripping Connor’s hand harder.

“Fine,” Connor squeezed Jared’s hand with the same force.

“Great,”

“Terrific,”

“Wonderful,”

“Deal?”

“Deal,”

“You know,” Evan’s voice cut the tension and both boys looked across the car to see him standing there with a frown on his face. “If you guys just d-didn’t want to, hang out with me, you know, y-you could have told me. I won’t g-get mad...” He looked down to pick at his cast while Connor and Jared immediately let go of each other and ran around the car in different directions to Evan. Connor let go of the basket in the process.  

Evan wiped his eye with the back of his hand and started to look away. “I just...uhh...you know, I was kinda h-happy?” He chuckled. “I thought m-maybe youtwoweregettingalongea-and I...could have...” He chuckled again, crossing his arms tightly around his chest. He raised his voice to sound sarcastic. “A day out w-with... _friends,_ butIknowyouhateeachother...and I know, youhate... _me,_ so...” He trailed off and Connor and Jared looked at each other and nodded, seeming to know what the other was asking.

“I’m sor-“ But Evan was cut off by the two boys hugging Evan at the same time. His breathing hitched and he looked forward for a second, at the reflection in the window. At himself. At them. All of them. Together.

“I’m sorry,” Connor started. “I honestly needed help, then we started talking and just...we really do want to hang out with you. I promise, I know I do, that’s why I drove you out here,”

“I came too,” Jared chuckled. “I said I’d go in a car. With Connor Murphy! I _wanted_ this day. I want to hang out with you too. And if you trust the Con-man, he couldn’t be all that bad, right?” 

Connor rolled his eyes. “Thanks _bud,”_ He suddenly let go of Evan and rushed around the car to pick up the picnic basket. He held it up so Evan could see. “This is why we stopped at my house first. See? I thought we could have a picnic,” He walked around and put his hand on Evan’s shoulder. “I brought some sandwich things, and potato salad and chips and lemonade,” Evan slowly started to smile. “I thought we could walk around for a bit too. I told Heidi where we were so she didn’t have to worry,”

“You could always wow us with some more of your tree nerd facts,” Jared joked. He backed away from Evan to see his face better. Evan looked at him, smiling. Then he frowned, looking back and forth between both of them.

“Are you sure you guys are ok? Hanging out together?”

“We’ll be fine, Ev,” Jared spoke up. “We’re getting along,” Jared said, looking at Connor. It wasn’t really a lie, but it wasn’t really the truth either. They still hated each other, and they knew that, but maybe they could work together. They nodded towards each other before looking back to the grinning boy. He tugged on Jared’s hand and looked over to Connor.

“Well, do you have a spot in mind?”

Connor shrugged. “I thought I’d let you pick,”

Evan’s smile grew wider and he nodded, walking over to the entrance with a skip in his step. Jared and Connor followed closely beside each other. They glanced at each other nervously. As if it needed to be said again, they hated each other. They still didn’t know if they could trust each other, and they would probably beat each other up if Evan wasn’t here. But Evan was here. And they were here. For Evan.

___

The three sat in a small triangle, with Evan at the top, not too far from anyone. Jared and Connor were facing each other. “Fears?” Evan suggested. They had been talking turns asking each other questions, or telling stories about themselves that no one knew. It was fun here and relaxing. It was the most relaxed Connor had felt since he was seven. It was the most relaxed Jared felt since he was ten.

Evan thought he never could feel this relaxed. This free. He never imagined that Connor and Jared would be able to sit around each other and get along, but here they were somehow. They hadn’t bickered the whole time they had been in the orchard. However, Evan did see that they would sometimes glare at each other or say something to each other with a hint a hatred in their voices, but other than that, they had gotten along pretty well.

Jared and Evan both looked at Connor as soon as the question escaped Evan’s lips.

“Hmmm,” Connor leaned back, putting his hands flat on the ground for support. “You guys will make fun of me,”

“Of course I will!” Jared responded. “But that doesn’t mean you’re getting out of it,” Connor rolled his eyes.

Evan pushed Connor’s shoulder softly. “C-come on, everyone has fears...and some of them are kind of... _weird,_ but that doesn’t make it wrong to be afraid,” Evan smiled.

“Wow. That was deep,” Jared chuckled. Connor mumbled something and the two looked back at him. His face was red. Jared grinned. “What was that, ConCon?” He teased.

Connor growled at the nickname, but spoke up anyway. “Thunderstorms,”

“T-that’s ok!” Evan chirped, when in reality, he loved thunderstorms and couldn’t figure out why anyone thought they we’re scary. Jared, however, started chuckling, which very quickly turned into loud laughter.

“I’ve had very traumatic experiences,” Connor said quickly.

“Oh my _god!”_

“It was _dark_ and _scary_ and I was five and the rain was getting my shirt soaked and the thunder just made it _worse_ ,”

Jared was at the point where he was literally gasping for air. “Evan!” He called out.

“W-well, people have their o-own fears, and, it’s n-not my room to judge,” Evan said. He was smiling and picking at his cast, looking at the two. Connor shot a glance at him that he couldn’t quite read as Jared tried to stop laughing.

He wiped a non-existent tear from under his glasses. “The big bad Connor Murphy is afraid of thunderstorms!”

“A lot o-of people are!” Evan stated, trying to defend Connor.

“And what are _you_ afraid of?” Connor asked.

Jared scoffed. “Obviously, nothing. _I_ am fearless. That’s just what makes me so cool,” 

“C’mon Jared,” Evan nudged Jared with his own shoulder. “I’ll tell you guys what I’m afraid of,” He said happily. Jared narrowed his eyes at the blond boy beside him. Evan just smiled. “But you have to go first,”

“Evan, you’re afraid of a lot of things,” Connor joked.

“No, but this one is really stupid. And I’ve never told anyone,” Evan added, which earned eyebrow raises from both Connor and Jared. “Please, Jared? I’ll tell my mom that you were the most amazing friend I ever had. I don’t know, maybe your mom will think about buying you those really cool headphones when she hears the news,” Jared glared at Evan for two more seconds, rolled his head back, and sighed. When he popped back up, he was smiling. He playfully punched Evan’s arm.

“Fuck you...” He trailed off, looking at the sky. His mouth was halfway open for two seconds before he looked back and forth from Connor to Evan. “Roller-coasters,” Connor choked on air and Evan chuckled. Jared’s face suddenly became red. “Hey, that’s a common fear too!”

Connor started laughing softly. “Now I will make it my life _goal_ to get you on a roller-coaster,”

Jared glared at Connor. “Yeah. Don’t,” He looked over at Evan. “Now, you need to tell us your completely irrational fear,”

“All of my fears are irrational,” Evan joked. Well, half joked.

“Fears _are_ irrational,” Connor added.

Jared looked at Connor with a smug grin. “Going deep with Murphy,” He joked.

“That’s gay, Kleinman,” Connor shot back.

Evan took a deep breath, making the two look back at him. “Ok, don’t tell anyone...” Evan waited until he received a nod from both boys. He sighed, looking at the ground. “Moths,”

“Holy shit,” Connor mumbled. He started to chuckle.  

Jared started laughing again and put his arm on Evan’s shoulder. But he wasn’t laughing loudly or rudely this time. It was different, and it made Evan feel safe. Evan started to smile while Connor and Jared were laughing. “Evan _Hansen,”_

“You know they can’t hurt you, right?” Connor asked as his laughter stared to die down.

Evan wiggled a little. “I know. Neither can rain, Connor,”

Connor winced in fake pain. “Ouch,”

“Oh god, you just got _roasted,_ my man,” Jared said, and then giggled. Like, middle school girls gossiping about a crush kind of giggle. Then covered his mouth.

Both boys looked at him in shock as Jared’s face increasingly got red. A few seconds passed of silence, and then Connor fell down laughing, grabbing his sides. Evan was chuckling as well, but tried to hide it by clearing his throat. Jared suddenly put his hands down and tried to make himself look angry, but no one took him seriously. “It’s normal!”

“Oh my _god,_ that was _adorable_!” Connor squeezed out between fits of laughter.

“I’m not adorable! I’m fucking manly! _Long haired, nail painting ConCon,_ ” He teased, trying to keep a straight face.

“Hey, the hair is an important part of my personality,” He lifted himself up as the laughter started to fade away. “So are the nails,” He smiled smugly. “And I can stop that whenever I want,” He started to laugh again. “You’re stuck with that _Jare-bear!_ ”

Evan started to laugh clearly, putting his hand on Jared’s shoulder. “I-if it makes you feel any better, I really like flowers,”

Jared raised an eyebrow. “Evan Hansen, you are the most adorable thing on the planet,”

Evan’s face started to go pink and he smiled, looking away. Connor tried to stand up, still laughing. “Where are you going?”

“I need to get something,” He said breathlessly, trying to stop laughing for a second time. “I’ll be right back,” He started to walk away in the direction of the entrance with his hands in his pockets. A part of Evan freaked out, thinking that he was leaving for good. Leaving Evan and Jared there. But that was crazy? He would be back. He said he would!

“You better,” Evan mumbled as he walked off. Connor started to laugh again. He looked at Jared who just shrugged.

“Flowers, huh?” He said, chuckling.

He looked down and Evan looked at his cast, picking at it again. _He’s going to make fun of me for it..._ “Ummm, yeah...” _He’s going to tell everyone..._ Evan silently cursed himself for telling Jared. “It, just...” He cleared his throat. _And everyone will pick on you more..._ “Pretty. They’re kind of...” _That’s exactly why Connor’s leaving now..._ Evan looked up at Jared, who was still smiling. “Pretty,”

Both boys started to blush and Jared laughed as Evan tried to correct himself. “Wait no I meant something, like, ImeantheFLOWERSarepretty! Not that you’re _not_ pretty! I mean, Jared... _Ididn’tmeanlikethatJaredImsorry_  you’re PRETTY in a way _ohmygod_ thisisweirdImadeitreallyweird I’m so-“

“So,” Jared cut him off and Evan took in a quick breath. “Why didn’t I know this?” He asked calmly. Evan raised an eyebrow.

“Oh, I guess, it just never came up?”

“Huh,” Jared replied, slightly mad at himself for not knowing that Evan liked flowers. He didn’t know what else to say. Evan was looking at the sun, which was now setting. It was still very light outside. The two were quiet for a long time before Jared couldn’t take it. He had to search his mind for something. “Bees,” He said abruptly. Evan looked at him, eyebrows raised.

“Wha-“

“The bees are dying out. Have you read about that?” He mentally cringed at himself. _Bees? That’s the best thing you can come up with? That was big news in like, 2015._

“Yeah,” Evan replied. “It’s a-actually really important too, because bees help almost all of our food grow. Without bees, we wouldn’t have a lot of this food,” Jared sighed and smiled. _Of course Evan would know a lot about this._ Evan continued. “Did you know that because of the honeybees dying out, some bees have to be traded to other states annually to keep crops going?”

Jared raised his eyebrow. “Really?” He couldn’t care less, but at least they were talking. Evan started using his hands to talk again, going on about how bees were ‘stubborn insects’ or ‘underappreciated’. Minutes later, they had strayed from the topic of bees and started talking about the latest conspiracy theory Jared had gotten himself into when Connor walked up with a blue bucket in his hand and a gigantic smile on his face.

Evan smiled and waved him over, prompting Connor to run. “Connor!” He exclaimed. Jared just scoffed and crossed his arms, but when Evan looked over, he put on a smile and greeted Connor with the same level of enthusiasm. When he sat down, he dumped out the contents of the bucket and Jared was surprised to see a large number of flowers pour onto the ground. Evan’s eyes widened as well as his smile, and Jared just stared.

When they all laid on the grass, Connor put the bucket beside him and smiled as Evan picked up five flowers with his right hand and looked at them happily. “Where? Did these? Where did you?” He looked up at Connor a laughed.

“You could put them in your room,” Connor suggested. “I have a vase I never use that I could give you,”

Evan just giggled and placed a blue flower behind his ear, then picking up a pink one and brushing back Connor’s hair to put it behind his ear. Connor blushed feverishly, but Evan didn’t notice. He put a purple one behind Jared’s ear. He chuckled, lighting up. Then he got an idea. He pulled out his phone and looked up an article before turning to Evan. “How do you feel about making these into flower crowns?”

Evan’s face lit up. “You know how to do that?”

He directed his phone to Evan so he could see. “WikiHow is going to teach me,” He put the phone down and started picking up flowers, looking over every step.

“I wanna make one,” Connor pouted, picking up his own flowers. Evan just giggled and sat back, watching the two boys fumble over their own fingers and the flowers, occasionally swearing when something went wrong. Jared had to start over twice and Connor had to start over once.

They argued some over scrolling on the screen when one needed to see an extra step. Jared was the first to finish, but added more flowers to it to make it fuller. Connor’s didn’t have as many, mainly because Jared used so much.

When he was done, he placed it on top of Evan’s head, and it only took a second for Jared to do the same. Together, the two flower crowns looked like they were one and it just became a full mess of color. White, blue, purple, pink, and a few yellows scattered around. A single blue flower remained behind Evan’s ear. They barely got through another conversation before Evan fell asleep on the picnic blanket.

Jared and Connor looked at each other, arguing about who got to carry Evan to the car before deciding on Connor. But that meant that Connor had to pick up the picnic mess by himself _and_ had to do Jared’s essay in English class. Connor growled and complained, but agreed anyway. They set Evan in the back, throwing an extra blanket in the back over him. The flower crowns, which fell off, Jared put on Connor, before Connor took the one he made off and put it on Jared.

The two talked all the way to Evan’s house about weird conspiracy theories they had either read on the internet, or made up themselves. When they got to Evan’s house, Heidi greeted them with a smile. Connor carried Evan inside and laid him on his bed while Jared put the flower crowns on of his laptop. The two boys quickly said their goodbyes before piling in the car again, and then arguing over which band was the better emo band.

They pulled up beside Jared’s house to see that his door was open and his lights were on. Jared froze, looking out the window at boxes sitting on his front porch. A U-Haul truck sat in the driveway. His breathing slowed and Connor gulped dryly before quickly driving away again. He cleared his throat after three minutes of pure silence. “I bet I could beat your ass on Tekken 3,”

Jared smiled arrogantly as he looked out at the oncoming road. His hands were still shaking in his lap, but he could ignore them for now. He scoffed. “You wish,”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *sighs loudly*  
> I had to add some angst in there at some points ok plz don’t hurt me  
> Thank you again to everyone commenting and supporting and reading, it means so much to me and I love you all and you are amazing people  
> 


	6. But There Were Moments

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry it's sort and bad and late aaahhHHHHHHH im a terrible person

Connor’s toes curled around the edge of his sheet. His left arm rested above him, pressed against the headboard, laying on top of his hair. His right elbow dug into the mattress beside him and his arm was upright. A joint was loosely held between his fingers. Connor made sure they were nowhere near his nails, wet with fresh dark blue nail polish. He wanted to try a different color. Still dark. He wasn’t going to immediately make the change to pink.

His eyes could burn holes into the ceiling as he slightly parted his lips and let smoke pour out. It danced in front of Connor’s lifeless eyes and softly fell on his face before disappearing. No one was home to see him, and even if anyone was, he didn’t care. Cynthia would probably try to talk to him calmly and Connor would ignore he until she left, or end up yelling at her. With Larry, Connor would definitely yell. And Larry would yell at him.

The argument would probably last only a few minutes until Zoe pulled Connor away to do something. Watch T.V, or go to the mall. Zoe, if she was home, which, when he thought about it, Connor was sure that she was, wouldn’t give a shit. He’d been able to get along better with Zoe after he started hanging out with Evan. And maybe Jared. Somehow, the thought of interacting with people was less pointless then it was before.

Ok, so maybe he liked having friends and social interaction in general. However, some days, like today, he just needed to be left alone. But that dream died when someone started pounding on the door. Connor barely flinched.

A few seconds went by. More pounding.

“WHAT?!” Connor yelled roughly.

“DID YOU _STEAL_ MY _DARK BLUE_ NAIL POLISH?” Zoe yelled from the other side. Connor rolled his eyes, taking another hit. When he didn’t answer, Zoe pounded on his door again. “I KNOW YOU’RE SMOKING IN THERE CONNIE, NOW LET ME IN!”

He smiled slightly at the nickname, but was too tired to actually get up and open the door. “Are you coming in to kill me or something?”

There was a pause. “No, I’m bored and you’re pretty cool so I thought, hey, why not spend some time with your favorite brother, because he’s nice and great and amazing in every way,”

“I didn’t use all your nail polish Zoe,”

She sighed, then corrected herself once she realized Connor could hear her. “That wasn’t why I came here!” She paused, then in another small voice added: “But I am glad you didn’t use all my nail polish,”

“Come in,” He sung dully. When Zoe did, she was immediately hit by the strong smell of the mixture of weed and wet nail polish. Her nose shriveled in disgust, but she ignored it for the most part, looking wide-eyed at her bother before narrowing her eyes and crossing her arms.

“Connor, get your pants on!”

He shot her a look with glossy red eyes and looked to his bare arching legs. All he had were boxers and a white T-shirt with white, dirty, socks. He looked back at her. “I’m not going anywhere today,” He said in a monotone voice. Zoe rolled her eyes this time and sat next to Connor’s bed, leaning her back and pulling her knees closely to her face. She rested her chin in between her two knees, facing the cracked door. “Sorry to inform you, little sis, but I’m half-naked with no motivation to change that and I’d appreciate it if you left,” He growled, not wanting to deal with whatever she had to complain about this time.  

They _had_ been getting along better, but Connor still had _some_ anger issues to work out. It took all his strength to not yell at her in the moment. It was harder now, because he was already kind of high and he really wanted to be alone. But she never moved. Instead, she cleared her throat. “I got some interesting news from mom this morning,”

Connor sighed. _She wasn’t leaving anytime soon, apparently._ “She’s here?” Connor raised his eyebrow, even though he knew that Zoe couldn’t see.

“No. She and Dad left,”

“Oh,” He replied in a small voice. He couldn’t give less of a shit. He took one more small hit before setting the joint on the window seal. He’ll take care of it later. “Is she pregnant?”

His voice was practically dripping with sarcasm, but Zoe couldn’t tell. “Guess again,”

He thought for a second. “Well, shit. I’m lost,”

She looked to Connor the best she could from the side of the bed, and to make it easier, Connor sat up and put his arms around his legs. He stared at her, waiting for her to tell him, but she asked a question. “Are you friends with that quiet kid? At school? Eric?”

“Evan,” Connor answered, flinging his legs over the bed and beside Zoe. He bent down to look at her. “And yeah, I am, why do you ask?”

She made a chuckling noise. “That’s good. That’s great. You need friends,”

He chuckled this time. “Whatever, Miss. Who Needs Friends When You Have,” he flipped his hair, smiling as Zoe made an over exaggerated frown, clearly trying to hide a smile. “...Me?” He finished, quoting 12-year-old over dramatic and sarcastic Zoe.

“It’s true though,” She flipped her hair in the exact manner Connor had. “I’m pretty awesome,”

He rolled his eyes, grinning a bit. “Spit it out, Zoe,”

“What about Jared?”

“No,” Connor raised his voice, rubbing the back of his neck.

“Do you hate the dude?”

“Well,” Connor sighed. “Kinda. What about the thing? It sounded kind of important...right?”

The girl was quiet for a few seconds, then she scoffed. “Why do you hang out with him then?”

Connor sighed, making his voice a bit louder and rubbing the back of his neck. “We just...have an agreement to be...not assholes to each other, get on with it. What about mom?”

Zoe raised her eyebrow. “What kind of agr-?”

“JESUS FUCKING CHRIST ZOE! Tell me or get out of my GODDAMN room, because, if you hadn’t noticed, I’m trying to get _fucking stoned_ here!” He snapped, running his fingers through his hair like he was going to pull it all out. His heart started beating rapidly and his stomach tightened in a fit of anger. He could feel his eyes narrow and his teeth clench, but as soon as he glanced to Zoe, he stopped. He waited for a few second, just looking. Her face was struck with fear, and she was holding her knees close to her face, curled in a ball like she used to do when Larry and Cynthia would fight while she was up late.

A girl of nine. And Connor would sneak into her room. And make a pillow fort, keeping in the good and keeping out the bad, and they would tell stories or paint their nails or braid hair until Zoe fell asleep.

Connor wouldn’t go to sleep until Zoe did first.

He was brought back to reality when Zoe made a small whimpering sound. You almost couldn’t hear it. He covered his face with his hands and groaned loudly. “I’m sorry!” His muffled voice repeated. “I’m sorry! I _swear_ I’m getting better! I don’t know _why_ every time we hang out...” He growled, wanting to punch something. _You fucked up. Bad. God, you’re such a fucking freak, why do you even try to keep your temper under control? You fuck it up every. Single. Time._

“I didn’t mean to, Zozo...I, shit, ok...it just was a kind of uncomfortable question and I just, I want to know what’s happening but I know that I really-“

“S’ok...” Zoe replied in a small voice, making Connor put his hands down and look at the wall. Angry at himself.

“No. It’s not. I’ve been getting better! I shouldn’t blow up like that! Again! Fuck, _I’m so fucked up..._ ” He whispered the last part to himself, but Zoe could hear perfectly clear.

She chuckled nervously, which only made Connor feel worse. He winced. _She’s scared. She’s scared of you. You tried so hard! You’ve been trying for days! You even went to therapy willingly! Yay, good for Connor, he’s getting over it, he’s doing well, right? You fucking fuck up. FuckupfuckupFUCKUP._ “Cool it. We all slip up. It’s not your fault...” _That your brain is messed up. That you snap at anybody you talk to. That you can’t hold a normal conversation because the littlest things freak you the fuck out. Fuckupfuckupfuckupfuckup..._

“It’s ok. It’s ok!” She reassured. “You ARE doing well! You have a friend, and you’re dealing with Jared following you guys around all day, I mean...I know you get angry. Easily. _I_ shouldn’t have pushed you Connor,” She put her hands up in defense. “My fault. My mistake,” Connor opened his mouth in protest, but was cut off by Zoe before he could say anything. “Shut up, ok? I’m going to tell you now, but if you say ANYTHING negative to yourself, I won’t, got it?”

Connor quickly shut his mouth and nodded. Zoe sighed. “It’s supposed to be a secret,” She turned her voice barely above a whisper. Her does eyes were glossy, but she looked like she was keeping herself together. _Was it that bad?_ Connor raised his eyebrow. “I thought it wouldn’t affect you much, you know, because you don’t really have friends, but...” His eyes narrowed.

“Get to the point. Are we like, moving or something?” He said sarcastically. But Zoe nodded, and his face fell. “Wait, we’re moving?”

“At the beginning of October, across town. We’re going to have to go to a completely different school,”

He started to slouch. “No way...” He mumbled, then he growled. “And she wouldn’t fucking tell me?”

Zoe shrugged. “She thought you wouldn’t care. You never really did when we moved before,”

“Well, that was when...” He yelled, then trailed off. He gulped and looked around, clearing his throat and fiddling with his hands. He lowered his voice. “I didn’t have friends then...”

“You didn’t really tell us you had friends _now,_ and, besides, I doubt it would make a difference. I’m leaving all of my friends,” She angrily swatted at the air as she spoke.

The two of them let out a huff and sat in silence. Connor softy kicked his legs back and forth, not out of anger, but because he didn’t have anything to do. Suddenly, he backed himself up to the wall or as close as he could get without pulling his legs onto the bed all the way. He made it so his feet wouldn’t reach the ground, and he could move around his legs more. He didn’t know why, but somehow it made the whole situation better. It took his mind off moving. He could think about that later.

His fingers gripped the edge of the bed, but his body leaned backwards as he swung both his legs in unison and let them fall right back down. He grinned, glancing once at Zoe, who was still curled into a ball, and then he looked at his legs again, which he kicked up and down. “The floor is lava,” He said without warning. He shot a look at Zoe again, who just eyed him suspiciously before climbing onto the bed with a sigh.   

“I hate you,” She mumbled, crossing her arms and looking away with her ‘pouting face’.

Connor put his arm around her and pulled her close to him in a joking manner, so their cheeks were touching. “D’awwwww!” He exclaimed as Zoe started to giggle. “No ya don’t!” She pushed him away quickly, still giggling.

“I do too!” She said, but suddenly trailed off, looking at the ground. More specifically, Connor’s foot. “Your sock is in the lava,” She said, not taking her eye off Connor’s foot. He gasped dramatically, pulling both his feet up and ripping the right foot sock off and throwing it at the wall, crossing both his legs. Both of them were deathly quiet, recovering from Connor almost burning his entire foot off. They avoided eye contact for at least two minutes before Connor spoke up.

“I’m hungry,”

“Well you should’ve thought of that before you made the floor lava,” Zoe said mockingly. Connor pouted, letting his shoulders drop and his bottom lip stick out, looking around the room. His floor was almost spotless. Nothing to jump to. Except...

He picked up a pillow and threw it at the floor, because never mind the fact that you just burned the pillow, because, in a world where the floor is lava, pillows are automatic safe places. He turned to Zoe and stuck out his tongue before hopping onto the pillow and balancing himself by holding the top of his bookcase beside his chest of drawers, which shook lightly. Zoe moved a bit of the pillow with her foot, being careful not to touch the floor.

Connor started to fall, but grabbed onto the edge of the bed for support, glaring at Zoe who just smiled smugly, sticking out her tongue this time. Connor awkwardly pushed her by her side off of the bed and she screamed, trying to find something else she could stand on. Somehow, she reached her legs over to one of Connor’s dirty shirts by the wall and stood on her toes, leaning against the wall for support. She put her fists up in the air in triumph. “Ah-HA!”

She looked back at Connor, grinning, before being replace with fear as she saw Connor literally move the pillow with his feet over to where she was standing. Zoe quickly looked into the hall, respecting the lava rule, and jumped onto a dirty towel laying down, laughing as she looked back to see Connor jumping from the pillow to the shirt, steadying himself with the wall. The two made it to the stairs, and upon seeing nothing to jump on, Zoe slid on the rail, shouting all the way down. Connor followed, laughing all the way down.

Soon, the lava rule was quickly forgotten and there was just a strict ‘don’t let Connor catch you’ rule. They ran outside, around the small yard and five times around their house, yelling at each other and laughing before Connor jumped on Zoe’s back, wrapping one leg around her jeans and pinning her hands behind her back. But once they hit the ground, Zoe found strength to push Connor off of her long enough to softly pinch at his sides, making his eyes go wide and he let himself go, trying to shield his body and laughing so hard he was almost crying.

They kept up like that for a few seconds until Zoe’s eyes went wide, stopping Connor’s laughter. “What is it?” He asked quickly, noticing that Zoe was staring at her own hands like she committed a murder. “What is it?” He asked again, hastily. With a dead serious face, Zoe put up her hand and Connor could see a dark blue streak across his palm. He franticly looked at his nails, and seeing that almost all the nail polish was wiped up, he quickly pushed himself up. “Shit!” He exclaimed, looking at Zoe.

She nodded once. “We can fix it!” With that, she grabbed his hand as if it was life or death, and dragged him into her room, setting him down on the bed, and repainting his nails dark blue, holding them under a hairdryer afterward. He painted hers pink. They laughed while Zoe tried to talk Connor into putting on actual pants. Connor refused every time and at one-point Zoe got up, dug in her drawer, and threw a galaxy print skirt at his face.

It took him 12 minutes and Zoe dragging his downstairs to watch T.V to motivate him to put on the skirt. After all, they had no idea who was going to be home next. Zoe threw Connor on the couch while she ran to the fridge.

An hour later, Cynthia and Larry walked in to see both of them asleep with a container of hummus sitting on Zoe’s lap (which Connor complained about but ate anyway) and an open bag of chips sitting beside her. Her head was laying on Connor’s shoulder, and Connor’s head was tilted backward to the ceiling. He was half awake, but didn’t want to move or say anything, because Cynthia and Larry had started yelling. Say Yes To The Dress was on the T.V, but none of them really paid attention to it.

They were busy arguing over their son wearing a skirt.      

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Teacher: Ok there's going to be a test on this next week so you need to take down these exact notes  
> Brain: It was a February day...  
> Me: Wait no  
> Brain: When your dad come by before going away...  
> Me: I need to take down these notes Im bad at math I mean I have an A but still  
> Brain: A U-Haul truck in the driveway...  
> Me: *Trying not to cry* thE DAY IT WAS SUDDENLY REAL


	7. The Insanely Cool Jared Kleinman

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can see the quality in my writing go down from here

Evan [11:06]: Connor

Evan [11:06]: ConCon

Evan [11:06]: Conconut

Evan [11:06]: GoDaddy.Con

Evan [11:06]: Now I see why Jared jokes to hide his emotions this is kind of fun

Evan [11:07]: ComicCon

Evan [11:07]: CornOnTheCon

Evan [11:07]: I’m so funny

Connor was awake the whole time laying in his bed with his phone beside him, listening to it vibrate next to his head. He groaned, picking it up slowly to check his new messages. He raised his eyebrow once he got no further than the first one. Once he read about Jared, his stomach twisted. Not just because there was a mention of his name, but something was wrong.

He sat up and cleared his throat, even though everyone else was downstairs and he was only texting.

Connor [11:07]: don’t hide ur emotions that’s how u become a dick

Connor [11:08]: like, exactly like jared

Connor [11:08]: everything ok there, evangreen

He cringed. It was funnier in his head. But he didn’t have time to overthink it. Evan typed quickly.

Evan [11:08]: No, Conquat, it is Con...not

Connor [11:09]: why was today so evantful

Evan [11:09]: Ok I’m running out

Connor [11:09]: me too

Evan [11:09]: You only made two

Connor [11:10]: fuck off u try it

Evan [11:10]: I can’t

Evan [11:10]: But I’m up for making fun of you when you can’t either

He chuckled then looked around quickly before he looked back at his phone, smiling.

Connor [11:10]: damn hansen the longer i get to know u

Then he frowned, directing his memory towards the comment about emotions. Something was definitely going on with Evan. Normally texting conversations would be only a little less awkward than their actual conversations. Evan was acting a little too confident. Which meant he was probably upset. Connor narrowed his eyes, which meant someone did something to him and was probably going to die tomorrow.

Connor [11:11]: really though what’s wrong

Evan [11:11]: Sush I’m trying to make a wish

Connor chuckled and looked out of his window at the night sky. He looked back down at the digital clock on his phone and after a minute, decides to text Evan.

Connor [11:12]: you dork

Evan [11:12]: And you don’t wish for anything at 11:11?

Connor [11:12]: no wishes don’t come true hansen

Evan [11:13]: :’(

Evan [11:13]: You believe in aliens

Connor [11:13]: its not the same

Evan [11:14]: Ok keep telling yourself that ConCon

Evan [11:14]: Or did you like ComicCon better?

_Connor changed his nickname to CornOnTheCon_

Connor [11:14]: fuc u

_CornOnTheCon changed Evan’s nickname to Evangreen_

Evangreen [11:15]: Kinky

The taller boy snorted.

CornOnTheCon [11:15]: ok uv been spending way too much time with kleinman

Evangreen [11:15]: I know

Evangreen [11:16]: But that might change

Evangreen [11:16]: He’s being a butt anyway

Connor frowned.

Evangreen [11:16]: Jared can be a bit

Evangreen [11:16]: Extra? at times

CornOnTheCon [11:17]: like dressy extra bc no lie i would kill to see kleinman in a poofy dress

Evangreen [11:17]: It isn’t that impressive

CornOnTheCon [11:17]: LUCKY

Evangreen [11:18]: Anyway what I mean is that he’s very joke-y and always light. He never takes things seriously

CornOnTheCon [11:18]: wait was it more like cinderella or ballerina

Evangreen [11:18]: I don’t know why you two don’t get along

Evangreen [11:18]: I’m sorry for bothering you

He hugged his pillows that he picked up at some point and held loosely between his arms while he texted and winced, taking in a sharp breath. _Why do you have to fuck everything up?_

CornOnTheCon [11:18]: no no wait

CornOnTheCon [11:19]: don’t leave

CornOnTheCon [11:19]: sorry ev

CornOnTheCon [11:19]: don’t know why i decided that now would be a good time

CornOnTheCon [11:19]: r u ok? did something happen between you two??

Evangreen [11:19]: I’m fine

CornOnTheCon [11:20]: r u sure?

Evangreen [11:20]: No

Evangreen [11:20]: I lied

He sighed. “Well,” He huffed, hopping out of the bed and stretching, yawning before shoving his phone in his jeans pocket and marching downstairs with his hands in his jacket pocket. His mom and his sister were on the couch, faces illuminated by the T.V screen. They had a blanket over their laps, and Zoe’s arms were crossed as she continued to stare at the screen. Cynthia, however, directed her attention towards Connor. She smiled, but looked shocked to see Connor walking down.

“Where are you going sweetie?”

“Out,” He replied gruffly, grabbing his keys from out of a basket they kept by the door.

“Where?” She asked sweetly.

Connor growled, indicating that he didn’t want anything more to do with the conversation, but Zoe stepped in. “To his boyfriend’s house,”

Cynthia made a tiny squeak. “You have a boyfriend Connor?” She clapped her hands together and smiled wildly. “I’m so happy for you!”

“Cynthia, Zoe, _no._ I’m going to Evan’s,” Connor rolled his eyes and scoffed, moving to the side to hide his smile. He could yell at them all he wanted, but he was glad that at least his mother was supportive. He couldn’t say the same about Larry though.

“Oh,” Cynthia replied meekly. “Well, it’s nice that you cave a friend Connie,” 

Zoe shrugged. “Same thing,”

Connor rolled his eyes again and walked out into the night. Even through his jacket, the cool air sent a chill up his spine and he had to shiver. Autumn was approaching. _October_ was approaching. He growled at nothing. The day after Zoe had told Connor they were moving, they both decided to confront Cynthia about it. 

There were tears on both Cynthia and Zoe’s ends. Apologies for not telling them sooner. Promises of visits with their friends and bigger rooms. Connor just crossed his arms and looked away, tapping his foot. Everyone could see that he was upset, but he didn’t want to say anything for fear of yelling like he had yelled at Zoe. It was an accident, but was likely to happen again.

Lately, he didn’t know why, he just wasn’t in the best of moods. He was snapped back to reality by his phone vibrating. Twice in a row. He quickly pulled it out, feeling bad for not replying nw.

Evangreen [11:22]: Connor?

Evangreen [11:25]: I’m sorry, you didn’t need to hear that thing about Jared. It’ll pass. :) We’re friends and friends fight, right? Ha, I’m surprised that we haven’t fought yet

Evangreen [11:25]: That doesn’t mean we’re not friends!! You’re one of my best friends. On my end. You can think how you want to think about me, I’m just saying, no pressure over here. I’m fine, really

Another buzz.

Evangreen [11:26]: I’m sorry  

CornOnTheCon [11:26]: ill come over

And with that, he shoved his phone into his pocket for good. He didn’t need the GPS anymore. He’d driven to Evan’s house so often since he got his cast that he knew the roads like the back of his hand.

Evan, on the other hand, was silently freaking out. He was on his couch staring at the phone in his hands. He tapped the glass anxiously with his thumb, wondering if he should text. Just text. His mother: When are you going to be home tonight? But she was probably really busy and Evan might interrupt her and she would be mad and everything would...

He took a deep breath and looked upwards. Jared: I’m sorry. He had thought about apologizing to him because, well, he was just being himself and Evan thought _he_ was being kind of mean. Rude. I mean, what if Jared just told Evan to stop panicking when he was having one of his panic attacks? Or told him to speak during one of his non-verbal moments because the silence was making him uncomfortable?

Sure, before Jared understood fully what was going on, he would say that. He would look Evan right in the eye and tell him to stop crying. Which, of course, Evan couldn’t do. Heck, he couldn’t even _breathe._ Which scared Jared, which made him mad and kind of emotional. However, once he understood Evan more, he knew how to handle Evan’s panic attacks and knew what to do to prevent one.

Evan had no excuse. He knew that this was how Jared reacted to his emotions. He just needed to learn how to handle it. He took a deep breath.

He could text Connor, he thought, looking up at the clock on his wall. 11:29. He exhaled slowly and looked down at his phone. Texting Connor was tricky. He knew Connor was coming over. He knew he was probably already in a car. He didn’t want to be an inconvenience, but he kind of wanted Connor there with him. Still, it wasn’t right to just let Connor drop everything and go see Evan whenever Evan wanted. He sighed and stared to text back.   

Evangreen [11:30]: Connor you don’t need to

...

Evangreen [11:32]: Connor?

Evangreen [11:32]: You don’t have to

He sighed, looking around the room awkwardly.

Evangreen [11:35]: Are you in your car, Connor?

Almost immediately, the phone buzzed, causing Evan to jump a little.

CornOnTheCon [11:35]: well now im in ur lawn now

___

Connor sat next to the arm of the couch, slightly pressed up against it so he was sort of facing Evan. Except, Evan wasn’t really looking at him. Which was ok. I mean, he glanced once or twice, but mostly he looked at the floor. Connor’s right arm was draped across the top of the couch, and his left arm hung off the arm rest. He was relaxed, while Evan was a bit tense for whatever reason.

Which was weird. Evan didn’t really have a reason for being tense, he just was. Connor was mindlessly rambling about something that his lab partner, an energetic girl named Alana Beck, had done. Evan just chuckled and nodded before Connor nonchalantly questioned him and Evan almost choked on the air. “What did Kleinman do?” He made a weird gagging sound that come from the middle of his throat. Connor’s eyes became worried and he put his hand on Evan’s back, rubbing it. “You cool?”

He nodded and Connor put his hand back, to Evan’s disappointment. “Ummm, it’s not a b-big deal, really. It was me. Being dumb,”

Connor raised his eyebrow. “You’re not dumb,”

“Ha. Ummm,” He looked at Connor and nervously smiled, to which he just responded with a higher eyebrow raise. His smile faded. “Oh wait, you’re serious,” He cleared his throat, looking at the floor. “I was, ummm, trying to talk about, you know, his dad moving? Because he seemed kind bummed about itandsometimesyoujustneedsomeonetouhhh-“ he stopped, clearing his throat again, “talk about it. And I guess he got mad because he started teasing me about being so worried?”  

He stopped and glanced at Connor, who just nodded to show him that he was listening. “H-he said he didn’t care, so I dropped the subject, you know? But he was already kinda mad, and he just kept teasing me about...my...stuff. L-like, my dad leaving and anxiety andstuffandhewasjusttryingtobe _funny_ so I,” he coughs, “it’s ok, but I t-told him it, uhhh, was getting on my nerves...” Evan wiggled a bit, as he did when he was nervous of he felt awkward, Connor noted. “And he, uhhh, yelled,”

A pause. The boys looked different directions. Suddenly, Connor cleared his throat.

“He... _yelled?”_

Evan nodded, knowing Connor was looking at him now. “He yelled,” He bit into his lip.

“At you?” He nodded again, looking at the taller one beside him, trying to hide a yawn, but it didn’t work. One it got out, he passed it off, but Connor grinned a bit. “Tired, little Evangreen?” Evan blushed feverishly, but nodded anyway. His head swayed a bit and he laid it on Connor’s chest, pressing his face into the boy’s hoodie. His right arm disappeared around Connor’s middle and held him, making Evan pull himself closer. His left arm awkwardly draped over Connor’s shoulder, but it was comfortable to both of them.

Evan tried to bring his knees closer to his face, but when that didn’t work, he laid them over Connor’s own legs. This wasn’t an unusual position. He had fallen asleep on Connor before and had woken up inside the taller boy’s arms. You know. Like totally normal heterosexual friends do sometimes. He closed his eyes as Connor chuckled and put his arm around Evan’s shoulder, looking at his forehead.

He wondered if it was considered ‘making a move on Evan’ still if he just gave him a friendly goodnight kiss? Evan let out a contented sigh that made Connor melt. “Is this ok?” He mumbled.

“Mhm,” Connor replied. “Are you comfortable?” Evan nodded tiredly, which made Connor chuckle. The two had begun to doze off when Evan’s phone brought them both to reality. He opened his eyes a bit and, despite Connor’s small noise of protest, went to check his phone. He pulled up the message, and both of them stopped breathing for a second.    

InsanelyCool [12:00]: hey im sorry, im a dick

While both of their attention was on Jared’s message alone for a while, Connor begun to notice Evan’s chat name. He growled a bit. Evan noticed, looking up. “It’s ok,” He defended. “I-I don’t mind...he’s just joking...” He said, looking back at the phone. He sighed, before typing out:

Acorn [12:01]: Yes, you are

Connor blinked, and looked down and Evan. He wasn’t expecting that. He smiled a bit and looked back up, frowning as another message came in.

InsanelyCool [12:01]: do you forgive me?

Acorn [12:01]: Not right now

A minute passed.

InsanelyCool [12:02]: that’s fair

___

InsanelyCool: im sorry that im always such a dick, i know a relationship can’t be fixed in a night but i really care about you ev and sometimes i get freaked out, i don’t know how to put it in to words and im afraid im going to scare you off and i just don’t know what to do or how to react and im so sorry i really want things to be ok between us. i want to help you and i want to be around more

(Not sent due to one or more person(s) blocking contact Learn More) 


	8. Until October Pt. One- Jared

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is short but important, there will be a chapter for Evan & Connor, and then one for just Connor  
> Then then, then then, then theN I GOOTTTT AA- no not yet  
> Some fluff for you guys in the next chapter :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WHOops now it's 17 chapters
> 
> Book: You and your friends are hiking the Appalachian trail...  
> Brain: LIKE THE APPALACHIN TRAIL  
> Me: nO  
> Brain: OR WRITE A BOOK OR LEARn TO SAIL  
> Me: fuCK OF F  
> Brain: WOULDN'T THAT BE C O O L  
> Me: THERE'S NOTHING THAT WE CAN'T DISCUS

(Not sent due to one or more person(s) blocking contact Learn More) 

Jared freezes. Breathing stops and for a second, he isn’t even aware that he’s alive. When he comes to, he blinks. He waits two seconds, then again. With a shaking hand he clicks Learn More, then covers his closed mouth as the screen loads. His eyes widen with every word he comes across.

_Acorn, logged into this device as Evan Hansen, Evan, Ev, and Ecology, or ***-***-**** has blocked all contact. This means you can no longer call, text, or send attachments to this person/s. You may still be able to access past messages and past voice mails._

He had enough. He angrily threw his phone in a laundry basket and fell backwards on his bed, letting his hands fly to the headboard above him. He heard his knuckles hit the wood, but somehow, he didn’t feel a thing. Suddenly, his body shut down. It wasn’t only his knuckles. He couldn’t feel, couldn’t think, couldn’t breathe, but he was painfully aware that he was, in fact, alive. 

It was the weirdest thing he had experienced yet. Weirder, still, was that this wasn’t the first time he had experienced whatever this was. It was so familiar. Terrifying and oddly comforting. But he had no idea when he felt it, and his brain wasn’t working well enough to think farther than yesterday. And he just allowed those memories to flow to him. They just kind of, popped up and there was no getting rid of them, no matter how hard he tried. He couldn’t redirect his mind.

His cell phone, muffled by dirty laundry, started ringing. Something in Jared came alive and he knew he should get up, but his body wouldn’t let him, and he didn’t fight it. Somewhere in his mind raced the words, _what if it’s Evan?_ And somewhere else in his mind, it screamed at him for being so stupid. So, he didn’t answer. Almost immediately after it stopped, his home phone started ringing. Jared still didn’t move.

A minute passes, almost two, until the caller gave up and let voice mail pick up. He groaned in exasperation, rubbing between his eyes and under his glasses, feeling them rest and move on his fingers. For some reason, he wasn’t surprised to hear the voice that came through, even though he never gave the boy his home phone number. _No,_ he sneered at his own thoughts, _but Evan probably did._

“This is for Jared,” Connor cleared his throat as Jared reluctantly pulled himself off of his bed and started mindlessly walking to the living room. He bumped into the chair of his desk on the way, knocking it over. But he couldn’t be bothered to pick it up.

“I wasn’t aware that not making a move also meant being a heartless _dick,”_ He mocked. Jared growled, rubbing the side of his head. _My mom listens these, Murphy..._ He stared down at the red glowing dot that indicted that Connor was ‘in call’. He shoved his hands in his pockets. “You know, I don’t know _why,_ but I expected a little more from you,” He paused, then got louder. “Evan trusted you, asshole!”

Quickly, Jared picked up the phone, pressing it to his ear, barely making a sound as he did so. Connor was quiet as well, but he had realized that Jared picked up. Three seconds rolled by before Connor responded in a low voice. “He doesn’t want to talk to you again,”

“I know,” Jared hissed, but not in a way that was angry, to Connor’s surprise. “He blocked me,”

There was an uneasy silence again for almost three seconds. Suddenly, Connor took in a steady breath. “Good,” Jared could almost hear the smile in his voice. It made him sick. He wrinkled his nose as Connor hastily hung up.

He stood dormant for a few seconds before slamming the phone into the base, not caring if he broke it, and he started pulling back his hair with his hands. He yelled, and with that, tears he thought he’d been holding in forever started to fall, wetting and fogging his glasses instantly, but his eyes were squeezed shut. He pulled his hands down and punched the wall quickly, and pulling it back quicker. He took a sharp breath and held his shaking, now bleeding hand, closer to his chest as he tried to lower his cries.

Only a few seconds passed, holding back sobs and wails, but it seemed like an eternity. He didn’t move once. Not to clean his glasses or to clean his hand. He just stared at the blurred red trails running down his knuckles, holding back every tear and yell that came to him. Finally, the door opened, breaking Jared out of his trance. He turned around to see the figure of his mother walking through the door with a shopping bag in her hand and a smile on her face. He sniffled once, and all the tears he was holding back came to him again, and threatened to spill.

Her smile quickly faded. Seconds, again, passed of unbearable silence as both of them struggled to find any words. Suddenly, it was too much, and Jared started to sob again. Immediately, Mrs. Kleinman dropped her back and flew to Jared, saying nothing, and making no sound. She started to hold him and rock him slowly, and no less than two seconds passed before he pulled his own arms out from between them. She was very surprised to find that he was hugging back.            

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will give brownie points and undying love to whoever can tell me who knocked over the chair in You Promised Me The World, But Gave Me The Universe.  
> Hint: It's on chapter 11


	9. Until October Pt. Two- Evan & Connor

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GUYS is this a FOREST????  
> Bc there's way too much PINING in here

**September**

“Three weeks?” Evan retorts in the smallest voice he can manage without whispering. There’s a little squeak to it. He doesn’t look up at Connor when he says it, because he’s afraid he might cry. He started biting the tip of his left thumb, now without having to worry about his cast since it got taken off two days earlier, but Connor took Evan’s hand in his own and started squeezing. Not to tight, but tight enough that Evan couldn’t break free. Not like he wanted to anyway.

“Three weeks,” Connor nodded in conformation, making Evan look up at him. He smiled sympathetically. “B-but I promise! I’ll visit you on weekends and we can text all you want, and I can call you, o-or even video chat if you want! It won’t be that far away, anyway. I’m only a town away and-“

Evan giggled a bit. “Connor, I know,”

“And you’re not sad or anything?” He raised his eyebrow.

Evan sighed, kicking his feet back and forth. He looked back down at the floor. “I am. I kinda want to cry right now...”

“Then cry!” Connor retorted, lightly squeezing Evan’s hand as he said it. Both of them silenced for three seconds. Evan, already shoulder to shoulder with Connor, started to lean his head on Connor’s slumped shoulders, still not looking at him. As Evan’s head rested on Connor’s shoulder, both of them became deathly still. Breathing slowed. The only thing that was still functioning, it seemed, was their minds, which were screaming at them all the ways they could screw this up. The simple solution was not to move.

However, Evan was the first one to break out if his daze, looking at his hand in Connor’s. He slowly moved his fingers between Connor’s, looking up at the tall boy ever five second to see if it was ok. When Connor could finally move, he gulped and looked down at both of their hands, which Evan took as a sign to pull away, but as soon as he tried to, Connor smiled and squeezed again, rubbing circles on Evan’s knuckle with his thumb. Evan sighed. “I’m not the one who needs too,” He glanced up. Connor was staring at the floor with glossy eyes.

A few seconds passed and nobody was saying anything, so Evan spoke up again. “C-connor?” He pulled his head away to look at Connor. Connor looked at him, blank faced, but that wasn’t what he was. He was sad and lost, and Evan knew that. He could see it in his eyes. Evan smiled a bit, trying to make Connor do the same. “It’ll be ok! We can d-do all those things and more! I mean, I’ll come up to your new house, a-and we can figure out, not just visiting, but like, _s-staying over_ on weekends, ok?”

Connor was quiet for two seconds, then looked at the floor and started to smile. His smile turned into a bright chuckle which made Evan wonder if he had said something wrong. He stopped smiling and took in a sharp breath before Connor looked back and flung himself on the shorter boy, releasing Evan’s hand. He buried his head in his own arms and Evan’s shoulder. After two seconds of being frozen in shock, Evan finally wrapped his arms around Connor’s middle, letting a tear drop. _Pull it together. It’s just across town. You weren’t lying, you’ll make it work._ He nodded slightly at himself.  _We’ll make it work._

“God, I’m going to really fucking miss you, you know that?” He was still chuckling, and it wasn’t exactly happy, but it wasn’t too depressing either. It was hopeful, maybe a little sad, but hopeful.

“Connor?” Evan mumbled back after two seconds.  

“What?”

He buried his own face in Connor’s shoulder, in a jacket that smelled a bit too much like weed and coconuts. Or maybe that was just his hair. “I’m going to really freaking miss you too,”

“Too innocent to cuss?” He chuckled again. But this time it was, to him, because Evan was being adorable.

Evan blushed, making sure Connor couldn’t see his face or feel that it might have been getting a little warmer. “I don’t like cussing...”

“Good. You’re too cute to cuss,” He said without thinking. As soon as he did, his eyes became as wide as plates and he held his breath, freezing in place. He couldn’t even let go of Evan. Did he want to? Was his face getting red? Oh my _god, IS MY FACE RED?_ He silently cursed himself out for five insufferable seconds before Evan let go and pulled away. _OH MY GOD WHAT DOES NOT MAKING A MOVE ON EVEN MEAN TO YOU?_

 _Oh wait, Jared’s a dick, I don’t have to hold up that agreement anymore._ He chuckled at himself.

...

...

 _S T I L L._ But Evan was smiling and blushing. He slouched, trying to hide himself a little, but looked up at Connor regardless, still smiling. Which made Connor smile. Maybe he didn’t fuck up as bad as he thought. “You think I’m cute?”

As soon as Connor tried to speak, his voice cracked. He stopped himself and cleared his throat, blushing feverishly Seriously, his face was as red as a tomato. “Of course, I do,”

Evan chucked a bit, fiddling with his hands as he looked back at the floor. “Ummm, b-because Ithinkyou’re c-cute...too...”

Both of them froze and started looking away from each other. Connor stuck his hands in his pockets, even though his head was itching a bit and he was sitting in an uncomfortable position, he wouldn’t move. It was basically the same deal with Evan. But his hands were in his lap, tapping softly and nervously as his knees.

The silence was broken when Evan yawned. Then stopped mid-yawn once he realized Connor was looking at him. His face grew red as he tried to hold the yawn back, watching Connor’s face break into a smile from the corner of his eye, but he failed and yawned anyway. Connor raised his eyebrow. “Tired, Evangreen?”

“N-no,” He said quickly, crossing his arms. Followed by a one second pause and a yawn.

Evan looked at Connor without moving his body. Connor chuckled, standing up. He put his hand on Evan’s shoulder. “Let’s go to bed,” Evan shook his head ‘no’ and looked away. Going to bed meant one day closer to having Connor move, and he wasn’t so sure he was ready for that. He moved his arms up a bit on his chest, hugging himself tighter.  

Also, he just really didn’t want to go to bed.

Connor sighed, leaning closer to Evan and shaking him slightly. “Evaann,” He sang. Evan shock his head again quickly, the sides of his mouth curled into a slight smile. For some reason, he was enjoying this a bit. He put his other hand on Evan’s other shoulder, making them lock eyes. Connor started grinning. He tilted his head a bit. “Why is this funny?”

Evan shrugged. He honestly didn’t know. There was something about Connor telling _him_ to go to bed. Asking if he was tired. Saying ‘Let’s go to bed’. _Wait._ Evan frowned a bit. _Let’s?_  He yawned and Connor rolled his eyes. _LET’S? WAIT WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? Is he going to stay OVEr? DoeshewanttosLEEPTOGETHER?? OH MY GOD I AM TOO GAY FOR THIS_

Suddenly, Connor’s left arm was underneath Evan’s knees and his right arm was on his lower back. Before Evan had time to react, Connor Murphy, his crush of two years, his _gay_ crush of two years, who was also _gay,_ was carrying him bridal style to his bed. It all happened too quickly. Connor laid a bright red faced Evan on his bed and Evan immediately shot up, looking at Connor who had his arms crossed and was grinning. “Still think it’s funny?”

The shorter boy crossed his own arms and grinned as well, even though he felt like he was about to explode. “W-what if I do?” Evan teased.

Connor scoffed playfully and sat beside Evan, kicking his own shoes off. Evan watched and Connor scooted beside Evan, near where a wall where the bed ended. “How many people can fit on a twin sized bed?”

“W-wha?” 

“Like, up to three, right?” He asked, laying down as Evan turned around. He put his hands under his head to cushion him and grinned smugly as the wide eyed boy. “Lay down,”

If possible, Evan’s face somehow got redder. “W-wellyouknowIdidn’tevenWANTtogotobedinthefirst p-place so _whydoyou-“_  Evan was cut off by Connor’s hands on his shoulder, literally pushing him back down beside him on the bed. Evan sighed in defeat, laying down close to Connor. _Fine, if he wants to be like THAT._ He curled himself closer to Connor, laying his stomach on the taller boy’s side, and smiling slightly when he realized that Connor was blushing. He propped his left arm between his stomach and Connor’s side, wrapping his right arm around his stomach. His forehead rested on Connor’s shoulder.

Once he was situated, his breathing started to slow and he began to relax. And he yawned again. Connor chuckled, flipping himself over so he was facing Evan. They were still hugging each other, just closer this time. Evan was already asleep. Lightly asleep, but asleep nonetheless. Connor yawned this time. He narrowed his eyes, looking at Evan. “Damnit,” He sighed, yawning again and quickly placing a kiss on Evan’s forehead before he fell asleep as well.

And Evan cuddled closer, smiling into Connor’s jacket that smelled a bit too much like weed and coconuts. He pretended he didn’t notice.      

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EVERYBODY TOMORROW IS MY BROTHERS BIRTHDAY SO COMMENT SOMETHING NICE FOR HIM DOWN BELOW SO I CAN SHOW HIM AND TELL HIM THAT HE'S LOVED AND APPRECIATED OK BYE   
> He literally wants me to write him a sonic fanfiction for his birthday   
> He honestly just wants to see how I would write a super serious and angsty sonic fanfiction   
> Guys  
> ... .  
> I'm going to be writing a sonic fanfiction


	10. Until October Pt. Three -Connor

**October**

Connor slid in the driver seat gracefully. Or as gracefully as someone can when they’re high. Should he be driving himself high? No. But he knew if he drove with his family, it was going to be one long drive. A drive that would probably involve a lot of yelling on Connor, Larry, and Zoe’s side, and it would probably involve Cynthia trying to defuse the argument by suggesting a road game. At least she tried.

Driving alone gave him time to think and take in what was happening, to accept it. It also gave him time to stop by Evan’s and just say goodbye. Or maybe take him to the park and ditch his family. That sounded like a good plan too.

He buckled himself and while doing so, happened to see Larry walking towards him. He didn’t necessarily look mad, but he wasn’t happy either. Which wasn’t a shock. Even when he _was_ happy, he always looked mildly disappointed. Connor sighed and pretended like he didn’t notice, starting the car and griping the wheel, staring out the window shield as Larry bent down to look at him. It was a few seconds before he finally spoke.

“I don’t expect you to be there on time Connor, but it would be _nice..._ ”

Connor looked back, narrowing his eyes. _The fuck is that supposed to mean?_ He didn’t really think he had a reason to be mad at Larry right now, he just wanted him to go away. He smirked. “Don’t trust me _dad_?” He hissed as Larry’s frown deepened.

“I didn’t say that,” Connor rolled his eyes, “I _expect_ you to do your own thing and then met us at the house in a few hours, but if that happens, just know, your mother will be very disappointed,”

“And what’s she going to do about it? Give me a stern lecture?”

“She could ground you,”

“Has she ever actually done that, Larry?” Connor looked at his knuckles gripping the steering wheel. They were bleached white. “She’s told us to go to our rooms, sure, I’ll give you that. But she’ll bring us out a minute later and apologize for being harsh. It’s happened _so many times_ and she’s _not_ going to change it,” He chuckled and looked back at Larry, who _now_ looked honesty mad. “So, honestly, why should I care?”

At a loss for words, Larry narrowed his eyes. In return, Connor narrowed his, not quite sure what to expect. Well, he had ideas. Larry could yell, make him ride with the family, walk away, or stay until Connor did something about it. But he didn’t really do any of those things. He relaxed himself, and in the calmest voice he ever mustered, said: “Are you high?”

Well, Connor was caught.

He looked out the window shield. _I could either admit defeat and make this easy for both of us, or just be a dick and deny it._ Being a dick was his specialty. “I’m not fucking high,” He mumbled back, not looking at Larry. A few seconds passed, and he walked away. There wasn’t much he could do about it. And it wasn’t like Connor was too high. He was sober enough to have a functional conversation and get in a car. That totally meant it was safe to drive, right?

He sighed and shut the door, pulling out of the driveway. Looking out the passenger window, he could see everyone else getting into the family car. Zoe saw him and smiled, waving a little. He did the same before he was on the road, driving the way to Evan’s. He would go to his new house later. Luckily, he would be all sobered out before he got to Evan’s. For some reason, a stern lecture from Cynthia didn’t sound as bad as a stern lecture from Evan, who hated the fact that he was smoking.

In fact, Connor didn’t smoke as much _because_ of Evan. He chuckled at the thought. It was funny how much he changed just because one boy fell into his life. Quite literally, he fell into Connor’s life. Before school started, before Connor found Evan, he was...he was...well... _mad._ At everything. His parents, himself, everyone else. He was sad in a way too, although he didn’t like to show or acknowledge it. He just liked to think that he _knew_ that the world was a shitty place and not that he was...well...sad. Because everyone, meaning Larry, over and over again, had told him that being sad was weak.

Not for boys.

Not for him.

And that was another reason why he was mad. He was mad that he was sad. If Evan hadn’t been there that day, he might have... _you know._ He didn’t know where his life was going, and he didn’t have a way out of it. So, what was the point of going on, right? That was kinda why he was at the park in the first place. No one would see him jump. No one would care. No one was around, or so he thought, until Evan...fell... He took a sharp breath. _Evan fell._

Of course, Evan didn’t seem happy _all the time_ , but whose happy all the time? He was bright, he was happy, he was great, he was, _Evan_. His foot slipped, and he fell.

_Evan. Fell._

He was snapped out of his train of thought by his phone blasting his ringtone. With a quick glance down, he saw Zoe’s name and sighed, picking it up. He immediately put on a fake cheery tone.

“Ah! Good day to my sister, whom I adore and absolutely love to talk to, if not for the unfortunate state of operating an automobile. However, as I pull to rest, we shall talk again,”

A few seconds of pure silence passed. _“What the fuck?”_ She mumbled.

“Language!” Cynthia scolded in the background.

Zoe ignored her. “English please, Connor,”

“I’m driving. Call back,” Connor said plainly.

“Yeah. You’re driving in the _opposite direction,”_

Connor shrugged, knowing that Zoe couldn’t see. “I’m going to Evan’s,”

She scoffed. “Again?”

“I- wel- uh- yeah _again,”_ Connor stuttered, his face becoming slightly red.

“Whatever. Just use protection,”

“Zoe!” Cynthia yelled in the background again.

“What? I’m just looking out for him!” Zoe said.

Larry chimed in, which almost made Connor laugh. “Use protection, Connor,”

“Thank you,” Zoe said, earning more inaudible yells from Cynthia. Literally the only words Connor could make out were ‘teen’ and ‘sex’. He didn’t think Cynthia knew how often those two words collided.

“I will,” Connor joked. Zoe was about to say something but Connor cut her off, turning a corner to see Evan’s house. He smiled as Evan and Heidi looked out the window at Connor pulling in. Evan’s face lit up, jumping off the couch and running out the door. Connor chuckled. “Call you back,” He said.

“Protection!” Cynthia yelled. Connor chuckled again. At least she was trying.

“Got it,”

“Bye Connie!” Zoe said happily.

“Bye Zozo,” He replied and hung up, looking out at Evan who was running towards him with a smile on his face.

Connor opened the door and stepped out just in time to have the shorter boy run into him and pull him in a hug. Connor hugged back, looking up to Heidi on the porch, who smiled and waved. He waved back. “I thought you were moving today!”

“I am,” Connor shrugged as Evan pulled away and smiled up at him. “But I have a few hours to spare,”

Evan quickly grabbed his hand and started pulling him to the door excitedly. “Good! We have pizza and ice cream!”

“We were picking out a movie. You like Disney?” Heidi asked.

He chuckled again. “I love Disney. What movie were you guys thinking?”

“Moana or Big Hero 6. Y-you pick,” Evan said, letting go of him and walking toward the kitchen. “I’ll be right back!” He said as he disappeared in the house.

Heidi chuckled, hugging Connor quickly. He stood shocked, but eventually hugged back. “It’s good to have you. You can come here whenever you want to, ok?” She let go, smiling.

Connor dumbly nodded as she walked in the house. He stood out for a few seconds, looking around. For some reason, he felt like he was about to cry. Not for bad reasons. He was happy. This was nice, and he was going to leave it behind today. He was suddenly mad at his parents, but couldn’t focus on it right now. After all, he was with Evan. The happiest, brightest, most handsome boy on the planet. He could forget the fact that tomorrow he would be at Middleborough High, in a new house, in a new town. Evan’s house wouldn’t be thirdly minutes down the road, it would be four hours away. He wouldn’t know anyone there. He would be alone.

He shook the thoughts out of his head. Connor decided on Big Hero 6, took a deep breath, and walked inside with a smile on his face.        


	11. Five Steps

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this chapter is so long and I'm sorry for the wait. Things have been rough over here, but now all five steps are posted, so if you didn't read all that before, they're here now. I don't know what else to say about that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just to give you a time frame, this is a few days after the Murphy family moved to another town. Let's say 8 days. Connor's only been present two of those days at school, but Zoe has been present a lot more. Connor just find it harder to adjust.

Zoe threw the car keys from her back window. Connor, the master that he is, caught them. Immediately, Zoe looked behind her franticly, even though the door was still shut. She looked back to Connor standing idly in the back yard and smiled. “They’re going to expect you to be at Evan’s,” Connor nodded. “And I’m going to expect you to be at Evan’s. So, don’t be at Evan’s,”

He shrugged. “Where should I be?”

“On a date. With Evan,” She said plainly, like it was obvious.

“You just told me not to be at Evan’s,”

Zoe raised her eyebrows. “You’re going on a date at your boyfriend’s house?”

“We’re not together yet,” Connor scoffed, crossing his arms.

“That’s why you go on dates, looser,” Zoe joked. She looked back quickly upon hearing someone walk past her door. She quickly brought her phone up to her ear. “How are you going to know if she actually likes you if you don’t go out on dates, Alana? I believe in you!” She said into the phone. She quickly sat on the window, blocking the view, as Larry opened the door. Connor froze. “What do you want, dad?”

“You mother and I are going out, make sure Connor stays in his room,”

“Yeah,” Zoe said in a cheerful tone. “Got it,” She pressed her phone back to her ear. “Sorry, Alana,” She said, putting a subtle emphasis on the name. “I know the last time you were over she seemed really into you...”

“Women,” Larry said sarcastically with a little chuckle as he shut the door.

Both Zoe and Connor were still for a few seconds before she turned back with a smile on her face. “I’ll text you later. If dad asks me where you are, he’s going to make _me_ text you. So, if I ask you where you are, just know that dad found out, and he’s probably watching me text over my back, so just say that you’re at the national park, ok? That means, don’t go to the national park,”

She paused and waited for a nod from Connor to continue. “However, I’m going to call you later and ask you where you are probably if there’s an emergency, so if I call you ‘Connie’ that means dad isn’t around, ok? And that means you can safely tell me where you actually are. If I call you ‘Connor’ that means dad or mom is around and that’s when you say...”

“National park,” He smiled. Zoe nodded. A car drove away, and they both looked towards the driveway. Neither of them could see what was going on, but they were sure that Cynthia and Larry were gone by now. It was quite for a few seconds, before Zoe looked back.

“I already told mom and dad that Christine is walking over to take my car and pick up Alana, because she doesn’t have a car, so they won’t get suspicious if they pass and see the car missing,”

“You’re the best,” Connor chuckled.

Zoe shrugged, flashing her brightest smile. “I know,” Connor put the keys in his hoodie pockets, along with his hands, and started to slowly walk away. He barely got two steps before he stopped, reconsidered, and turned back around to Zoe, confused.

“Where...do I take him?”

Zoe sighed and propped her elbow on the window, resting her face on it, looking properly disappointed. “Oh, dear brother...”

“Hey, it’s not like you’ve ever had to think about this,”

She smiled. “Yeah, I know,” she replied smugly, “that’s because guys take _me_ out on dates. I don’t take _them_ out on dates,”

“Hmm, that just means I have the balls to ask my crush out on a date,” He crossed his arms and smiled smugly.

“I guess you don’t want my help, then?” Zoe asked knowing that Connor wanted her input. He narrowed his eyes, losing his smile. Her smile, however, grew brighter. It was genuine, but that made it worse. After three seconds, he rolled his eyes and sighed. Zoe chuckled, knowing that she’s won.

“Just meet me at the car,”

___

_Step one to a successful date: When you’re asking him out, start the conversation out lightly. It’s just a normal conversation and a normal day._

**CornOnTheCon [9:10]:** What up buttercup?

Even though he was about three miles away, parked under a tree, he felt like he could feel Zoe slap the back of his head. He kind of wanted to slap the back of his head. _Graceful, Connie._

 **Evangreen [9:10]:** What’s wrong?

 **Evangreen [9:10]:** Donkey Con

 **Evangreen [9:11]:** :0000

 **CornOnTheCon [9:11]:** Technically it’s Donkey Kong with a g, so it be like Cong

 **Evangreen [9:11]:** Hush

 **Evangreen [9:11]:** The Wrath Of Con

 **Evangreen [9:11]:** Why did I just think of these now, these are gold 

 **CornOnTheCon [9:12]:** You’re adorable

 **Evangreen [9:12]:** WE’RE GETTING OFF TOP IC

 **CornOnTheCon [9:12]:** What was the topic in the first place?

 **Evangreen [9:12]:** Why are you talking to me in capitals and proper punctuation, it’s very unsettling. Is something wrong?

Oh yeah, he was doing that. Maybe that was worse than the ‘What’s up buttercup,’ line. But it was too late to back out of it now.

 **CornOnTheCon [9:12]:** What’s wrong with talking to my very best friend in capitals and proper punctuation?

 **Evangreen [9:13]:** What’s wrong?

 **Evangreen [9:13]:** At nine in the morning???

 **Evangreen [9:13]:** Are you high?

 **CornOnTheCon [9:13]:** I’m not high, I just wanted to know if I could come over today

 **Evangreen [9:13]:** Connor, two weeks ago you were at my door unannounced at 3 in the morning when I sent you a picture of a tiny Willow when I couldn’t sleep, I think you’re past the point of asking permission to appear at my house at any time of the day

“Well,” He exclaimed out loud to absolutely no one. He had a point.

 **Evangreen [9:14]:** Besides, that doesn’t require capitals and proper punctuation

 **CornOnTheCon [9:14]:** Well maybe I feel like typing with proper grammar today, fuck you

 **Evangreen [9:14]:** well mayb i feel like typing like u today

 **CornOnTheCon [9:14]:** I will add periods to the end of every sentence. Don’t test me, Hansen.

 **Evangreen [9:14]:** dont test me i no a thousand ways to type like im illiterate

 **CornOnTheCon [9:14]:** I swear to god, I will start using big words.

 **Evangreen [9:15]:** do it i dare you

 **Evangreen [9:15]:** u dont have the scill

 **CornOnTheCon [9:15]:** stop it this is painful oh my god that’s not even how you spell it

 **Evangreen [9:15]:** I win

Connor rolled his eyes, smiling dumbly at the screen.

 **CornOnTheCon [9:15]:** im coming over

He thought for a second. He wrote the sentence, deleted it, rewrote it, deleted it, stared at the screen, then wrote it again and pressed send before he could change his mind

 **CornOnTheCon [9:16]:** to take you out

 **CornOnTheCon [9:16]:** we’re going out on a date

 **CornOnTheCon [9:16]:** like a gay date for gay people

Connor swore he stopped breathing for a second, reading the last text he sent over and over again. A second passed. Two. _He was too forward._ His mind was walking a thin line between racing and becoming numb. _What is W RONG with me??_ He was just about to put his phone down and drive off the nearest cliff before Evan answered five seconds later.

 **Evangreen [9:17]:** Well I don’t know if that’s the right way to ask someone out but ok

He smiled and breathed out a sigh of relief, shoving the phone in his pocket with shaking hands and backing out of his place underneath the tree, on the way to his gay date for gay people with his very gay crush.

___

_Step two to a successful date: Be confident_

Connor barely got halfway through knocking Evan’s door once before it swung open. Evan smiled nervously, offering a tiny wave. “Hi Connor!” He said quickly. Connor nervously smiled back, putting his hands back in his pockets and clearing his throat.

“Have you just, kind of been standing here? This whole time?” He joked. Evan’s face paled a little and his eyes darted to the floor. Connor chuckled quickly and nervously, but it wasn’t forced. He started rubbing the back of his neck. “Which is fine! I don’t...get to decide what you do, with your time. So, it’s _ok_ if you just...” He awkwardly trailed off, looking at Evan, whose eyes were still on the floor. He cleared his throat again and shoved his hands back in his pockets, making the boy look up at him. Suddenly, his face reddened. “Stand,” He finished.

A few seconds passed and the two had no idea what to say or do. So, they did nothing except try to avoid eye contact. Evan’s hands were behind his back, and what Connor didn’t know was that he was squeezing his wrists nervously. Connor’s hands were balled up in the pockets of his hoodie, and what Evan didn’t know was that his nails were making marks in his palms because he was squeezing them together too hard.

Evan coughed once and Connor took that as a sign to extend his hand to him and smile. He spoke too quickly, but Evan could understand what he said. “Don’t think of it like a _date_ date, we go out all the time, just think of it as one of those times, ok? If it makes you less nervous, or if you want to you can think of it as a date, because it’s a date, but it can also just be me taking you out, ok?” It took a few seconds, but Evan started to chuckle and take his hand.

“It’s a _date_ date then,”  

Connor smiled. “Are you sure you’re ok with that?”

“P-positive!” Evan nodded and smiled brightly, looking at their hands together. He looked back up and started rocking on his heels. “You know, i-if you didn’t, I w-was going to...” He bit his lip and looked down to the side, his face getting red. Connor raised his eyebrow, and Evan saw if from the corner of his eye. Thinking that he was unclear, he looked up to Connor again and started stuttering, trying to explain. “I m-meant, that I was going to, l-ike...ask you out! On a...” he got quieter, “date, date?” He waited a second, then got louder. “I s-swear, I was! I re-really like you likeI _likelike_ youandIthoughtitwasweird but... ummm...I mean you’re really c-cooland _Ilikedyouforthelongesttime an_ d I wanted to but...” he cleared his throat and got quieter, “I never had the courage...” He trailed off, biting the inside of his cheek and looking away. “So...” He whispered.

There was a second of silence before Connor started laughing and took both of Evan’s hands in his own, making the shorter boy look up at him in confusion and a bit of worry, making Connor smile sympathetically. “You’re adorable, Hansen,” He said. Immediately, Evan started blushing and looked away again, but couldn’t hide his grin.

“For n-not, asking you out?” Evan joked, looking back up. His face was still red.

“You’re nervous and flustered and small and it’s cute,” He pulled Evan close to his side and turned to the car, putting his arm over Evan’s shoulder and looking down at him, smiling. Evan looked up at Connor and immediately looked away again, smiling a little. “Aww,” Connor joked, squeezing Evan slightly as they started walking to the car. He chuckled. “Awkward Evan,”

“S-stop,” Evan whined, dragging it out as long as he could, trying to drop his smile and look serious.

Connor chuckled a bit. “My tiny awkward bean plant,”

“I can kick you,” Evan threatened, letting a little bit of his smile come through for a split second before making himself look mad again. He crossed his arms and glared up at Connor, who wasn’t looking at him. His expression softened. Connor held a tiny smile, one that people made and didn’t even realize it. He was happy. He was content and relaxed. Evan had seen this smile on Connor’s face once or twice before, but it was new. It was exciting. It made Evan warm and comforted him. He never wanted Connor to feel anything other then what he felt right now. He needed to protect Connor.

Suddenly, Connor glanced down at Evan and his smile brightened. He raised his eyebrows and Evan started to blush feverishly, snapping his head downward again, but looking at Connor from the corner of his eye. Connor chuckled again in a lower tone, looking forward. “Angry bean plant,”

___

_Step three to a successful date: Flirt_

“Ice cream,” Evan breaths out in almost a laugh, “in October?” He crosses his arms and raises his eyebrows in an attempt to tease Connor, but it doesn’t work. Because to tease, you would have to be upset or weirded out by the current situation, and no matter the month, Evan is very _very_ happy.

Connor shrugged and opened the glass door to A La Mode, holding it open for Evan. “It’s pretty hot for October, in case you haven’t noticed,”

“I’m not complaining,” Evan says in defense. He looks around the shop. No one else is there. Some tables still have napkins on them, or the chairs are pulled out, telling them that people were there earlier.

He waits for Connor to catch up to him so Evan’s not the first one at the counter, even though no one was there. Connor rested his left elbow on the countertop, letting his arm lay across it, while Evan stood back with his hands playing with the hem of his shirt. A second passed before Connor slapped the tiny bell on the counter.

Someone laughed from the back. Two more seconds passed, and he hit it again. Silence. After another second, he hit it again and didn’t stop hitting it, even after a voice from the back yelled, ‘I’m coming!’ While the workers started moving from the back, Evan grabbed Connor’s hand with his own right hand and held it up, forcing him to look back at the wide-eyed boy. His face was red, obviously a bit embarrassed. He shook his head slowly and Connor started to chuckle, looking over the counter as two boys emerged from the back.

One wore a white T-Shirt with the logo of ‘A La Mode’ with a red hoodie over it. He bent over to pick up something from a box, holding up his finger to say, ‘one second’. Another boy wearing a black shirt with three tiny pixel hearts rested both his arms on the counter and smiled up at Connor. “Can I help you?”

The boy with the ‘A La Mode’ shirt immediately shot up, glaring at the boy at the counter from behind his glasses. He smirked a little as the boy looked back. He walked up and started pushing the boys arm. “You don’t even work here, Jeremy. Fuck off,” The boy, Jeremy, chuckled as his friend shoved him off.

“True love,” Connor joked as the worker stepped where Jeremy was and slipped in the same position he was in. He opened his mouth to say something, but Jeremy interrupted him from the back.

“The secret is out,”

The worker rolled his eyes and smiled. “What are you going to have today?”

“I’ll have a mint chocolate chip in a cinnamon waffle cone and a scoop of strawberry in a bowl,” Connor said, remembering Evan’s favorite from one of their previous conversations. He looked back enviously, although he was sure he got it right. Evan nodded, smiling, and mouthed a quick ‘thank you’ before Connor looked back.

“Ok. Just take a seat anywhere and it’ll be ready in a few minutes,” He was about to walk off but turned back and eyed Connor suspiciously. “You’re the new guy, right?”

Connor nodded slowly. “Moved in two days ago,”

“Carson?” The worker asked.

“Connor,” He corrected.

The worker nodded and left to get the ice cream. Connor narrowed his eyes as the boy disappeared to the kitchen. When he was sure the boy was gone, he turned around to Evan and smiled. Evan let out a tiny sigh of relief when Connor started walking to a table. Evan followed with a skip in his step. He considered something for a moment, then spoke. “Y-you know, I could’ve ordered for myself,” He lied.

Connor chuckled. “No you couldn’t,”

Evan sighed, slipping into a seat in a booth. “No, I couldn’t,” He looked up at Connor and smiled. “Thanks,”

“No problem,” Connor smiled back. The ice cream came quickly, considering it was only them in the whole shop. Evan hardly had time to take a single bit before Connor spoke something so quickly, you almost couldn’t hear what he said. “You’rekindofpretty?” He coughed and when Evan looked up, Connor was looking away. Evan could feel his face get red and _he_ coughed, accidently chocking on his ice cream. Connor looked at him in shock. “I-I mean you, you...wait, I... _fuck,_ you’re, veryprettylikepretty _cool_ pretty _but_ thatd- doesn’t mean you aren’t, like, HANDSOM, like...Ithinkyou’rehandsom. But, wait, I mean, likethat’swhatIfuckingmeant b-but...” He stuttered out, trying to fix the situation. Evan’s face was still red, but he was starting to smile. In shame, Connor laid his head down on the table, holding his cone above his head. “O-h my _fucking god,_ I’m bad at this,”

“N-no Con...” Evan started, but he trailed of, starting to giggle.

“I’m so sorry,” Connor whined, feeling the heat of his own face finally.  

“Is this...oh my g-god, Connor, are you trying to _flirt?_ ” He started laughing quietly even more, but Connor could tell that he was trying to stop. This didn’t help though. He wrapped his arms around his head and groaned, still holding the cone in his right hand and making sure not to get ice cream on himself. “No! Connor,” He whined. His laughter started to die off.

Connor poked his head out and sat it on his arms. “A little?”

Evan snorted. “Aww, _Connie,”_  

“Christ, Hansen,” If you could imagine, his face started to get redder, but before he could bury his head back in his arms, Evan put both his hands on Connor’s arms and looked at him intently, smiling.

“You’re...k-kind of pretty too, C-con,” He said. His cheeks started to turn a light pink color. But before Connor could react, Evan chuckled again. “You’re really bad at flirting though,”

Connor raised his eyebrow. “And you’re the master?” Evan nodded. Connor straightened himself up, taking a bite of his ice cream. “Ok then,” he said, mouth full, “how do you do it?” He asked. Evan was taken aback.

“W-what?”

“Flirt,” Connor said as if it was obvious. “How do you flirt?”   

Evan cleared his throat, wiggling around in his seat, which made Connor think Evan was uncomfortable. He was about to call it off before Evan started talking. “W-well...body l-language is important...”

“Yeah?”

“You could always go for, umm, like a cheesy, p-pickup line?”

“Does that work?” Connor raised his eyebrow, genuinely curious. He had always seen people on TV or in books use pickup lines but nobody _actually_ did it, right?

He shrugged. “I don’t know. Try it,”

Connor let out a single chuckle, eating more of his ice cream. “Sorry to disappoint you, tiny Evangreen, but we’re already on a date, so I already kinda won,”

Evan narrowed his eyes, but he didn’t look as threatening as he tried to make himself look. “The date is over if you don’t woo me with some extra cute pickup lines, Murphy,” 

This time, Connor narrowed his eyes. “You monster,” He sighed and sat up, clearing his throat. “Ummm, ok, damn. Uhhh, are you a...” He looked at Evan pleadingly, as if to ask for help, but Evan just smiled. “Do you...Jesus Christ, I can’t do this, help me out here,”

“Start simple. I...lost my number. Can I have yours? See? Like that kinda stuff. That’s classic,”

Connor raised his eyebrow. Classic? He’d never heard it. Come to think of it, how did _Evan,_ of all people, hear it? Did people hit on him a lot? He let out a breathy chuckle. _Of course they would._ “Give me one that’s not a classic,”

“Ok,” He cleared his throat and wiggled around in his seat, trying to get himself situated, like he was about to say something really important. Connor chuckled a bit, eating the rest of his ice cream. “Are you an artist?”

He shrugged, giving him an honest answer. _Let’s see if Evan could work with this._ “I’m not an artist, but I can doodle,” He smirked.

Evan put up a smile that was in between being the cutest thing he had ever seen and the scariest thing he had ever seen. Connor’s smirk instantly dropped. Evan had won. He didn’t even say anything yet and he _won._ “So that’s why you’re drawing my attention,”

“Jesus fucking Christ, that was super cheesy,” Despite his best efforts, Connor started laughing.

“I have better ones,”

Connor rolled his eyes, attempting to stop laughing. He wasn’t doing a very good job. “Oh god,”

“Are you _tired_?” Connor raised his eyebrow again. Evan raised his. “Answer the question Connor,” Connor crossed his arms in defiance, making Evan giggle. “Connor,” He put his hands on Connor’s arm, which rested on the table, and started shaking it for attention. Connor started laughing more. “Connie, please, this one’s good,”

He rolled his eyes again. “Why would I be tired, Evan?”

“Because you’ve been running through my head all day,” Evan put his hands up beside him and started doing his jazz hands, grinning wildly. _God, how can he be so adorable?_  

“Evan,”

“Do you like coffee?” His laughter subsided.

“Why?”

“Because I like you a latte,”

Connor let out a laugh, then put his hand over his mouth to stop it, making Evan laugh again. “That was bad,”

“Hush. Do you have a map?”

“Evan, I’m leaving,” Connor stood up, still looking at Evan and smiling.

“Because I keep getting lost in your eyes,” Evan said gleefully. Connor blushed a bit, then pretended to walk away, but before he could fake a step, Evan latched onto his hand and was chuckling again. “No! Connie! You still haven’t made one for me,”

“Oh god, Evan,”

“No! I _believe_ in you! You can do it,” Connor narrowed his eyes at him, smiled, and then sighed, giving in. He sat back down.

“Ok, ok, damn, hold on. You, uhhh...” He put his hands flat on the table and started moving his thumb along the surface, looking at Eva. More importantly, his eyes. He bit his bottom lip slightly. He just wasn’t as creative as Evan was when it came to this. “Fuck,” He threw his head back and chuckled in exasperation. “Sorry, it’s just...” He looked back at Evan and cleared his throat. What if Evan was actually disappointed? What if this was...more than just fun to him? He looked so serious. “Ahh, I can’t,”

Evan must have seen Connor’s expression because he immediately jumped to the edge of his seat and moved his hands over Connor’s. “No, it’s ok! You don’t _have_ to. I-I’m sorry. I thought it would be f-fun, but if you can’t do it, it’s ok!” The two stared at each other blankly until Evan realized what he was doing. He looked down at their hands together. Connor had moved his thumbs so they wrapped loosely around Evan’s thumbs.

He smiled and looked back up, chuckling when Connor was still looking at him. “What are you looking at?”

“Well...” He took a deep breath and looked at Evan as if he was asking, _you really wanna know?_ Evan answered with a look that said _absolutely._ He let out that breath. “I was trying to come up with something about your eyes, because they’re so pretty, and I thought it would be the easiest thing to do, but I legit, I...couldn’t stop staring,” He trailed off, watching Evan start to blush. It was working. _Was he flirting? IS THIS IT?_ He started to smile.

“You know, if you look closely, it’s not all blue. Around your iris, there’s a dancing stripe of teal. And it’s so small, but it’s still _there,_ it just pops out at you if you’re looking long enough. And it kind of gets lighter and lighter with every layer, morphing into the prettiest and brightest sky blue I’ve ever seen. You know how some people see that twinkle in someone’s eye and say, ‘you have the stars in your eyes’? I think it’s too smooth and too bright to _just_ be the stars. Evan, you have every star and every moon with every galaxy spread across the sky inside your eyes. Inside you. You’re so great, Evan,”

By the end, he had somehow propped up both their hands and intertwined their fingers, not that either one of them minded. They continued staring into each other’s eyes for a few seconds until the door flew open and the bell rung. They looked beside them at a short boy with brown hair and grey jacket. Behind him was a taller boy with kind of blondish hair. They were both glaring at the two boys holding hands at the table.

Evan’s face was already red, but he somehow became more embarrassed looking at the two high school aged boys. The shorter boy was still glaring at them as he grabbed the taller boy’s hand behind him. “Tall ass!” He yelled out as they started walking to the back. While Evan looked at Connor, Connor’s eyes followed the boys until they left, and it wasn’t until Evan started speaking that Connor really started to look at him.      

“I think...I think that’s t-the _nicest_ thing someone’s ever said about me...” He cleared his throat as Connor looked back at him and grinned. “M-my eyes...”

“Well the day’s not over yet,”

_____

_Step four to a successful date: Have a plan_

Laughter died down when the doors of the car opened, but were brought back alive when the two saw Jeremy running out the door from the smaller one. The taller one followed after him. The worker, they guess, stayed inside. “GET BACK HERE YOU FUCKING FURRY!” The shorter one yelled, trying as hard as he could to catch up with Jeremy.

“FUCK YOU!” Yelled Jeremy in reply. Apparently, there were only so many short jokes one guy could take. Connor and Evan’s eyes followed the three of them down the road.

“God,” Connor breathed. He looked at Evan. “Such a short temper,” Evan grinned but softly hit Connor in the arms anyway. “Ouch,” Connor laughed out sarcastically.

“Do you know them?” Evan asked curiously. Connor’s face dropped a bit.

“W-why?”

Evan shrugged, then looked out the window shield. “They seemed to know you,”

“Oh,” Was Connor’s reply. He _didn’t_ know them. He didn’t know anyone at his new school. He had only been there for two days. Should he know anyone? He knew he saw them in the halls. He knew they talked about him. He knew _everyone_ talked about him. The new freak in town, ready to blow up the school whenever something goes wrong. They were all waiting. All too scared to mess with him.

Upfront, that is. They would talk about him behind his back, of course. Or what they thought was behind his back. They were never sneaky. Teenagers never are. He could see them looking hard enough to melt someone’s head off, then look away fast enough to snap their own necks when they thought Connor was looking at them too. He could hear the whispers, but never be close enough to make out what they were saying. All he knew was that they weren’t saying anything _good._ They never said anything _good._

All he could do was keep his eyes on the ground as he walked. But he could _feel_ them. It didn’t matter what he saw, he could _feel_ them. The kids at A La Mode hated him. The kids on the street hated him. But not Christine, he could trust Christine. Otherwise, he wanted to pull his hair out, or rip his fingers off. He wanted to scream, _stop it,_ he would, if he had the breath. _Stop it. Stop it, stop looking at me, don’t look at me, FUCKING STOP! STOP! FUCKING! STAIRING!_

He gulped.

Blinked.

Breathed.

“I don’t know them,”

A few seconds passed. He let himself loosen. He breathed again, and started the car. Evan breathed out slowly. He could tell something was wrong, but didn’t know if he should draw attention to it. Connor would tell him when he was ready. It wasn’t like Connor was keeping secrets from him, right?

Right?

He took in a deep breath. “Where are we going?” He asked shyly as Connor pulled out of the parking lot. Connor looked at Evan and grinned smugly.

“You’ll like it, don’t worry,”

Evan scoffed playfully. “I wasn’t doubting that,” He wiggled around in his seat and looked out the window, seeming to drop the subject, but Connor knew better. Two seconds later, Evan looked up to him with a serious expression on his face. “Really, where are we going?”

Connor let out a low chuckle. “It’s a surprise,” Evan pouted a bit, and when Connor glanced over to him again, he couldn’t help but give in. “Alright. Hint. You’ve been talking about this all week,”

“You’re taking me to Disney World?” Evan raised his eyebrow.

_Note to self: Evan wants to go to Disney World_

_...._

_Note to self: Once you get enough money, you’re taking Evan to Disney World_

Connor shrugged. “I was thinking something more affordable this time,”

Evan nodded, before his face morphed into confusion once again. “Wait, this time?” Connor kept grinning, looking out onto the road. Evan smiled a bit too. “This time? What does that mean? Are... _are you going to take me to Disney?”_ Connor didn’t answer, and Evan laughed a bit. “Connor, I’m serious,”

“Wait and see,” Connor said nonchalantly.

“That’s not fair,” Evan whined, crossing his arms.

“It’s perfectly fair. Do you want me to spoil any surprises I may or may not have?”

“Yes,” Evan replied.

“Do you like AJR?” Connor quickly changed the subject.

Evan dropped his arms and blinked. “What?”

“AJR. Here,” He took one hand off the wheel and struggled to get his phone out of his pocket. Evan’s eyes grew wide.

“C-con!”

“Relax, Evangreen. I’m a good driver,” He fingered around in his pockets until he fished out his phone. “Ah-ha!” He exclaimed in triumph while he turned his phone on, looking back and forth between the road on his phone. He put his phone on the dashboard, waiting for a song to load. “They’re cool. I didn’t really know they existed until Zoe showed me one of their most popular songs. Yes, Zoe got me into them. She won’t ever let me live it down,”

 _When did all my friends become so loud?_ He stopped talking suddenly. Evan glanced beside him to see Connor lip sinking along.

 _We act like reality shows, probably because reality blows,_  

He could have laughed, but he didn’t. He could have spoken, but he didn’t. He could have smiled, but he didn’t. He sat there mesmerized by the way Connor looked. He was lip sinking, but he looked like he was singing in front of an audience. Maybe it was just the way people _looked_ when they did things like this. Evan didn’t know, but it looked _better,_ the best, when Connor was doing it.

_When did all my friends become so loud?_

None of them heard the engine make a strange sound as they passed a pothole. The phone fell off the dash and onto Evan’s knee. “Shit,” Connor laughed, breaking out of his trance. Evan picked it up sheepishly.

“Sorry,”

_We traded our boring lives, for MTV story lines,_

_Why?_

“It didn’t break or anything. And it’s not your fault,”

Evan looked at the phone and rubbed some dirt off the screen. “Sorry,”

“Evan,” Connor said, before becoming quiet again.

_Recently he said that she said that we said some shit that you wouldn’t believe,_

“Pick a song,” He nodded towards the phone, keeping his eye on the road.

“R-really?” Evan said in disbelief.

Connor grinned. “Really,”

_Recently he said that she said that we said that he said some shit about me,_

“Okay then,” Evan said, turning the phone on. He raised his eyebrow a bit, but then dropped it and smiled warmly at the lock screen. He looked at Connor, blushing a bit. Connor looked beside himself and raised his eyebrow in confusion, before his eyes went wide and he tried to snatch the phone out of Evan’s hands.

“A-actually! Just t-tell me what you wa-“

“I-I already saw it,” Evan teased, turning the phone back on the look at the picture. “Nerd,” He chuckled. It was him, asleep in the backseat of Connor’s car with the two flower crowns that Jared and Connor made for him on his head. A blue blanket was over him.   

_So, we’re caught up in drama, everybody’s talking, everybody’s talking_

Jared. He cleared his throat.

_We’re caught up in problems, everybody’s talking, everybody’s talking_

He stared at his own sleeping face. He swore he could see the sides of his mouth curled up into a smile.

_Hold up, hold up, can we make it stop?_

_Hold up, hold up, but we’re so caught up in drama,_

He wondered, for a split second, if he wasn’t on a date with Connor, where would he be with Jared?

Evan swiped to the left quickly and turned on Spotify as Connor cleared his throat. “I...” He mumbled. Evan looked at him. His entire face was red, making Evan’s face curl up into a smile. Thoughts of Jared left his mind. He was on a _date._ He was on a date with his crush. _Enjoy it._ He cleared his throat again. “I thought i-it was cute...”

Evan chuckled a bit, looking up one of his favorite bands. Owl City. A recent meme. Not that he cared much. “I thought y-you looked pretty c-cute with a flower crown,”

“Oh really?” Connor questioned, grinning.

“Mhm,” Evan nodded.

“Huh,” Connor said, smiling. “I guess I’ll get some the next time I go out,”

The drive wasn’t long, or it wasn’t supposed to be, but to pass time they listened to songs and talked about their favorite bands. They laughed and joked about situations that would never happen, and once Evan brought up Disney World again, but Connor didn’t let that conversation go far. Suddenly, the car stopped. Evan and Connor stopped, unsure of what to do. They turned their heads to each other slowly, then back to the road.

Connor tried to start the car again. Once. Twice. It worked the third time, but the engine made a weird gravely sound. He pulled the car slowly beside the road. And it stopped. A few seconds went by before Connor slowly took the keys out and hopped out of the car. “Shit,” He let the word slip past his lips softly as he slammed the door shut behind him. Evan followed.

He opened the top. Nothing was visible on the outside, but that didn’t make the situation better. “Shit,” He said again at the same volume.

“Con?” Evan said, worried. He slowly lifted his hand to put on Connor’s shoulder, but Connor angrily kicked the car before he could. He quickly put his hand to his side and started playing with the hem of his shirt.

“Shit!” He ran his hands through his long hair wildly, staring blankly at the hood of the car like he could fix it with his gaze somehow. “Fuck!” He moved his hands over his face. “This is Zoe’s car!” He yelled in his palms. “ _Fuck me!”_

“C-calm down, I’ll c-call someone,” Evan said quickly, wiping his hand on his pants and pulling his phone out of his pocket.

He turned around, so he wasn’t facing Evan, and ran his hands through his hair again, trying to take deep breaths. _I ruined it with HIM, I ruined Zoe’s CAR, I ruined my chances of Larry ever leaving me alone at home AGAIN..._ It wasn’t working. He turned around and kicked the car again. “ _Shit!_ Noooo...” He whined, glancing towards Evan, who was stuttering nervously in the phone.

Connor stood idly for a second, just watching, before his brain screamed _oh my god help the kiD WITH ANXIETY ON THE PHONE._ He snapped out of whatever daze he was in and jogged over to Evan, but the boy already hung up and turned around to Connor, shoving the phone towards him. “H-here!”

Connor chuckled, pushing the phone away. “It’s your phone bud,”

“Oh...” He held it close to his chest and looked down. Connor stood awkwardly in front of Evan for a few seconds before he could tell that the boy was shaking. Without thinking much about it, Connor started hugging Evan.

“I’m sorry, I should have called,”

“No!” Evan said quickly. “I-I, no, I mean, it’s _ok,_ I c-can talk on the phone, you know?”

Connor sighed, rubbing circles in the middle of Evan’s back as the smaller boy buried his face in Connor’s chest, awkwardly hugging him back. “I’m still sorry,”

“A-are you ok?”

“Hmm?” Connor questioned

Evan lifted his head to look up to Connor, and blushed wildly when he realized Connor was looking down to him. Connor blushed as well. Both of them immediately tore their eyes away from each other and let go, taking a small step back. “I mean,” Evan looked behind him. “About you- Zoe’s car. Someone’s coming. I-I think I told them where we were _exactly._ I’m pretty sure I got it right,” He looked up at the street sign. “I-I _told_ them exactly...” He trailed off then suddenly looked at Connor with wide eyes. “I told them the 7-11 a-at Maple. W-we’re close. This is close, right? I mean, they _know- “_

“Ev,” Connor cut him off, stepping closer again. He put his hands on Evan’s shoulder. The 7-11 was close, but Connor wasn’t exactly sure they would know exactly where they were. They would probably drive all the way down, expecting them to be there. But it wasn’t so far that Connor couldn’t _push_ the car down, right? Yeah, it wasn’t that far. He could push it down, and everything would be alright. But apparently the look on his face told a different story.

“Oh god, I screwed up, right? I’m sorry, theyprobablywontknoww-whereweareatALL and, a-an-“

“Ev,” Connor repeated, smiling to reassure him. He nodded towards the car. “Can you steer the wheel in the direction of 7-11 while I push the car?”

Evan’s face was flooded with guilt. He nodded. “I can,” He started messing with the hem of his shirt again. “I’m sorry,” He added quickly. Connor was about to say something, but before he could, Evan rushed to the driver’s side of the car. Connor shrugged, and walked to the back.            

_____

_Step five to a successful date: Have fun_

Connor smiled and looked over to Evan as he continued fixing his slushy. Evan was focused, making sure not to accidently push the cup onto the floor as he reached for a lid. He was too focused to recognize that Connor was looking straight at him. Which was ok. It was great. Because it meant Connor got to look at him until Evan finished and turned towards Connor, immediately starting to blush. God, Evan’s blush was enough to drive him crazy. Perhaps he was a little gayer than he previously thought.

The two stood in silence for a few seconds and Evan’s eyes darted to the floor. _Maybe Evan was a littler gayer than HE thought. Huh._ He started rocking on his heels for a second before he heard Connor chuckle. “Ready to pay?”

Evan snapped his head up. “P-yeah, let’s go,”  

The girl at the counter rung them up quickly and smiled patiently as the two walked out. Connor tugged on Evan’s sleeve a little to get him to follow to the back. When they sat up against the wall, Connor looked at Evan and chuckled a bit. Then his slushy. “Raspberry?” He asked.

Evan raised his eyebrow. “I didn’t think you would pick c-cherry either, but here we are,”

Connor put his hands up in defense and smiled. “I like cherry,”

“I didn’t say there was anything _wrong_ with it, just thought you would go with something with more of a kick,”

He put his hands back around his cup. “I actually can’t really handle sour stuff,”

“Really? I love sour stuff,”

“Huh,” Connor exclaimed, taking a sip of his slushy. “I’ll keep that in mind,”

They kept talking about unimportant stuff. They had at least an hour to waste before the car was fixed, then they would be able to drive home. Connor was a little disappointed there would be no time to take Evan to pick out a pumpkin for Halloween, but they could do that some other day. 

Halfway into a sentence, Connor stopped and let out a small gasp, looking at Evan intently. He stared to smile. “What?” Evan asked curiously.

“Evan, stick out your tongue,” He said eagerly.

“What?”

He started to chuckle. “Stick out your tongue, Evan,” He did it. It was completely dyed blue. Connor started to laugh a little and Evan raised his eyebrow. “Evan, your tongue is blue!”

Evan put his tongue back and chuckled as well. “B-bet yours is red,” He said with a grin. Connor stuck out his tongue for Evan to see. He squinted a bit. “Actually, it kinda just looks like you bit it. It’s not really noticeable...” Connor put his tongue back and smiled, and Evan started to wonder if he should have said that at all, but he didn’t get far in wondering before Connor began to talk.

“Once, in 7th grade, I bit my tongue super hard without realizing it. Like, super hard. I made an opening and there was blood,”

Evan cringed, but chuckled anyway. “Ewww, how do you not n-notice that?”

Connor shrugged. “I mean, it tingled a bit, but I just thought that was because tongues are weird,” Evan laughed at that, which made Connor smile. “Anyway, I coughed and some of the blood came out, and I thought I was dying,”

Evan started laughing a bit more. “Oh no,”

“I called my mom to pick me up. I even had her bring me to the hospital and, of course, nothing was wrong. Larry was _pissed,_ ” Connor started chuckling as well.

“So, 17 _-_ year _-_ old Connor Murphy is _actually dying_ , but he doesn’t want to go to the hospital. 12-year-old Connor Murphy, however,” Evan started.

Connor rolled his eyes, but smiled. “I just don’t like hospitals, who does? I legitimately thought I was dying, Evan,”

“Doesn’t make it any less funny Con,” Evan’s laughter started to die down. “Okay, okay, you want me to tell you something about 7th grade?”

The taller shrugged, looking sideways at Evan. He grinned. “Only if it’s good,”

Evan giggled. “Trust me. Ok, so one time I had to do this big presentation,”

“As all great Hansen stories should start,” Connor joked.

“Hush. I was just standing up there, scared and shaking, and Jared saw, because he was in the front row. So, he stands up, unannounced,”

“Oh god,”

“And he asks the teacher, ‘Mrs.? If you are what you eat’,” Connor couldn’t help but start laughing at that moment, because he remembered that day. Evan started laughing too. “’Aren’t cannibals the only _true_ humans?’”

“Shit, I remember that! You took that time and ran out of the room! _No one_ could find you,”

Evan smiled. “Yeah!”

Connor stopped and smirked as Evan took another sip of his slushy, watching his feet in front of him. He took a deep breath and let out a little chuckle, nudging Evan’s shoulder with his own to make him look up again. “I think that was the day I realized I had a crush on you,” He said at last. Then he immediately regretted saying it. Evan started blushing.

“What? W-wait, I, umm. Wow. Uhh. H-how?” He managed.

Connor shrugged, looking forward again. “You were very cute, and I was very gay,”

Both of them were quiet for a minute, thinking that they had somehow fucked this up completely, either by admitting to a gay 7th grade crush or not knowing how to respond to said crush. “Wish I had known,” Evan mumbled.

“What?”

“I mean,” He got louder and turned to look at Connor. “I had a crush on you during f-freshman year. Well, at least, I mean, I accepted, you know, the fact that you- that _I_ had a crush on you. Before that I just kind of, assumed, I always-just-I don’t know, thought you were cool? From afar? Annnd really wanted to be your friend but was also kind of intimidated by you?”

Connor paused for a minute before he started laughing. “Well damn, I always thought you were into Zoe,”

Evan raised his eyebrow. “I mean, yeah, she pretty, but I didn’t _like_ her like that. I only really talked to her once...”

“You just sort of always lo-“ Connor trailed off and he started smiling widely, realizing that Evan was usually looking at him at school, and not Zoe. He didn’t even realize he started smiling. Evan looked away out of embarrassment as soon as Connor started looking at him, but couldn’t stop a smile of his own. “You weird fucking bean plant,” He laughed.

“Well! What else c-could I do? I still have problems t-telling _myself_ I have a crush on a guy, how was I supposed to tell said guy?”

Connor shrugged again. “Fair point,”

Silence floated between them again for a few seconds before Connor opened his mouth to ask something again, but barely got through the first word before his phone started ringing. He struggled in digging the phone out of his pocket, and upon realizing that it was Zoe, took a deep breath and hoped his parents weren’t beside her or something. _Connor is...safe? No, Connie is his safe name, right? Connie equals no Larry._

He hesitantly accepted the call. “Connie,” Zoe said. He let out a sigh of relief.

“Thank god, I almost had a panic attack,”

“Don’t die yet. Buuut...Dad and Mom might be coming home in a few hours,” Zoe said nervously.

 Connor glanced towards Evan before looking away again. “How many hours?”

“Three I think? They left now, it takes three hours to get home. How far are you from the house?”

“ _Shit,_ ” Connor exclaimed, biting his lower lip. He had no idea if the car was going to be repaired on time, and, sure, he was about two hours from his own house so if the car was somehow fixed now _maybe_ he could get himself home on time, but he had to bring Evan home too. “Shit, uhhh,”

She sighed. “Where are you guys?”

“We’re at a 7-11 at Maple,”

“Romantic,”

“Zoe, does Christine have a car?” He said quickly.

“No one trusts Christine to drive,” Zoe said flatly, earning a small yell from someone on the other end from who he guessed was Christine. “But why would you need her car?”

“Well, uhhh,” he started rubbing the back of his neck, “ _your_ car, haha, broke down while I was trying to take Evan to pick out a pumpkin for Halloween, because he’s been talking about doing that, and I thought it would be fun,”

“Aww, Connor, that’s so sweet!” Evan exclaimed, making Connor chuckle a little.

“It really is Connie, but oh my god, are you guys ok?” Zoe said.

Connor raised his eyebrow. “Aren’t you pissed or something?”

“Oh yeah,” Zoe replied sarcastically. “You can hear it in my voice. We’re rich, we’ll get a new one if it’s done for,” Connor scoffed, but this was probably true. “But how are you going to get home before dad realizes you left?”

“Why would it be bad that you left?” Evan asked curiously.

Connor looked back at him. “I-“

“Do you have me on speaker or something Connor?”

“No,” Evan said proudly. “I’m just really good at hearing,”

“He’s grounded, Evan,”

“Zoe,” Connor started.

Evan looked at Connor, a little upset and a little worried, but mostly sad, which made Connor go limp. “Connor?”

He looked around himself as if he could find something else to say or do, but he didn’t find anything. “Evan...”

“Zoe!” Zoe said with mocked excitement into the phone speaker. “Igottago,” As soon as she hung up, Evan started to talk again.

“You’re _grounded_?” He asked.

“W-why does that matter?” Connor raised his eyebrow and grinned a little. “Do you want me to just...stay home, and be grounded? Did you not want me to ask you out or something?” He could almost chuckle, but something in Evan’s expression stopped him. Connor’s smirk dropped.

Evan pulled his knees up to his face and put his hands flat on his knees. “I do, want you to ask me out, I mean. But not just because you have nothing b-better to do, you know?"   

“O-oh my god,” The words hit Connor like a ton of bricks, and it broke him inside. He moved closer towards Evan. “Wait, that’s not- I mean- I would-“ He hesitantly put his hand over Evan’s knuckles. “I just...I mean, I always wanted to...7th grade, that wasn’t a lie, Evan,” Evan slowly started to look up, and when he did, Connor smiled again. “You actually have a crush on me?”

Evan smiled a bit. “I mean, yeah. Why else would I agree to go on a date with you?”

Connor shrugged. “Maybe you had nothing better to do?”

“T-that’s stupid,”

“See?”

The two just sat there for a few seconds. Unmoving and not talking, but it was probably the calmest they had been all day. Evan let a small chuckle slip out, and Connor followed. In less than a minute, both boys were laughing wildly about nothing in particular. Somehow, Connor’s pinky finger moved under Evan’s fingers, but they didn’t really care. Five minutes later, Zoe’s car was pulled up by the person who was called to fix it, and Connor and Evan started to drive home.

With an hour to get home, and about 40 minutes to home, Connor didn’t have much time for long goodbyes, but walked Evan to the door anyway. Fuck Larry. Connor could make a few more minutes for Evan if he needed to. It was kind of late, and already a bit dark. Heidi wasn’t home yet, so he just asked.

“Want me to stay?”

Evan turned to him and smiled. They were on the front porch already. “You s-should go home,” He said.

Connor flinched a bit. “Are you still, mad, or?”

“I wasn’t _m-mad_ really, just...” He trailed off, looking at the porch and shuffling his feet.

“Hey, ummm,” Without really thinking about it, Connor took both of Evan’s hands in his own to get Evan to look at him. “You know, I promise, I really like you. I would ask you out even if I didn’t want to get out of the house. I just found an opening and, I don’t know, Zoe basically told me to man up and...do it. So, I did it,”

Evan chuckled. “She’s a great wingman,”

“Yeah,” Connor chuckled a bit as well. “God, I...I messed it up. Sorry, this-the date was a disaster, I had everything planned and then the car broke and stuff and I think I upset you? And I just-“

“No, Con,” Evan interrupted. “I love y-today, I loved today and everything about it. I liked that I got to s-spend time with you, you know, on a, _gay,_ kind of, date. I l-liked that it was a date and n-not just how we normally go out, as f-friends, I mean, w-we’re friends and I like that but I l-like the...gay date...too...” Evan stuttered out.

Connor chuckled again, and Evan smiled. They stood there with nothing else to say or do for a few more seconds, but that was ok. Connor broke the silence first. He let go of Evan’s hands. “I probably should...” He motioned towards the driveway. Evan nodded and backed up to the door a bit.

“Yeah, Zoe, she’s probably waiting. Don’t get in trouble,”

Connor nodded back in reply and started walking towards his car, but before Evan disappeared inside, he yelled out; “Night Evangreen,”

Evan smiled. “Night ConCon,” He shut the door. Connor got inside the car. And the both kinda hit their heads on the nearest hard surface.

  _____

He opened and shut the door quietly, looking to the couch. Two inquisitive faces looked his way.

“How was your date, hun?” Christine said, smiling sympathetically. Zoe must have told them, or he might have been on speaker. But Connor smiled. A genuine smile that caught everyone off guard.  

“It was...fun,” He wasn’t lying. His smile became brighter.

“Really?” Zoe said from the nearby kitchen. She was pulling a bag of popcorn out of a microwave.

“Are you together?” Alana asked, glancing at Connor while Christine situated her head on Alana’s shoulder, still keeping her eyes on Connor.

Connor shook his head, still smiling. “Nope,” He walked over to the couch and sat himself beside Alana. 

“Oh,” Zoe said. She didn’t sound disappointed or shocked, or anything else Connor thought she would sound like. She walked over with the popcorn she had put in a wide bowl for the four to share. Well, three before Connor invaded, but nobody really cared that he invaded. They all secretly kind of wanted him there. Mostly Zoe, just so she wouldn’t necessarily be third wheeling.   

Zoe sat beside Connor and laid the bowl on his lap as she reached behind her to turn off the lights. Alana picked up the remote and started playing the movie again. It was some old horror film that Connor couldn’t really remember the name of. He had never really been that into horror, although everyone said he looked like someone who would be.

Someone yelped, snapping Connor out of his daze. The someone, Alana, shrunk on the couch and Connor gazed towards her, but Christine was on it. She moved towards Alana, snuggling up to her side so close, that if she moved any more she would be on Alana’s lap. The girl placed a soft kiss on Alana’s cheek and smiled at her, before resting her head back on her girlfriend’s shoulder. It only took a second before her eyelids started to fall.

On the other side of Connor, Zoe moved closer towards him for comfort, but barely made a sound. He looked at her and scoffed but smiled. She retaliated by throwing a piece of popcorn at him. It hit his nose and bounced off as he raised his eyebrows and she looked back at the T.V screen. A few seconds passed before she slowly, without realizing it, laid the side of her head on Connor’s shoulder. He fought back a slight grin as he popped a piece of overcooked popcorn that was a little too buttery in his mouth.

He thought more, and added a step of his own.

_Step six to a successful date: Recognize that even if it wasn’t perfect, you tried, and that’s all anyone can expect out of you. No matter what, your sister and her friends are always there with an old horror movie and shitty buttered microwave popcorn._

_And now at least you know that he likes you back. Score Murphy._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have depression


	12. The Mall

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for the wait but I'm working on something REALLY important and hopefully I'm able to pull it off, if I'm not, it was a nice dream

_“So, do you want to...date? Or have it be a one-time thing? Or...” Connor trailed off, studying Evan’s face for, honestly, any kind of emotion. He didn’t see anything, which worried him more. He spoke quickly to try and correct himself. “I mean- it’s like, whatever you want is ok, I just- I want-“_

_“Date,” Evan said shyly. Unenthusiastically, like his only intention was to repeat and understand what Connor was saying. He was looking at his feet, which sort of made Connor believe he was only saying yes out of pity, but as soon as he opened his mouth Evan started to cringe and shook his head. “Wait, no, no, I want to d-date. Like, g-gay date, Connor,” He started blushing, but still didn’t look up._

_The two were quiet for a minute, standing still, before Connor started to chuckle. Evan looked up at him in confusion. “Soooo...” He dragged out. “I guess we’re dating now, huh?” He said with a grin._

_Evan laughed a bit and smiled as Connor loosely took Evan’s hand in his own. “Yeah...I guess we are,”_

As soon as Connor was locked out of the house, he left for Evan’s and stayed there for five days. Was there any doubt?

Evan was almost always the first up because he had to get ready for school. But Connor refused. He wouldn’t get up, he wouldn’t drive to school, he wouldn’t call anyone, or talk to anyone besides Evan and Heidi, no matter how much Evan pleaded. He just wouldn’t. Yes, Evan came home to a clean house, maybe food, and a sleepy Connor on the couch watching Community, but he was still worried about his boyfriend.

Today, day six, Sunday, the two sat on the couch eating Chinese takeout and watching a new show Connor fell in love with. Nothing out of the ordinary, but soon someone started franticly knocking at the door. Connor rolled his eyes as Evan paused the episode. “Fuckin’ mailman,” He mumbled angrily as he stood up and walked over to the door to open it, but as soon as he opened the door, he rolled his eyes again seeing a familiar face smile at him. “Fuck no,”

“Fuck _yes,_ ” Zoe replied, then she frowned, swatting Connor’s arm slightly. “Language, Connie,”

Connor smiled a bit. “You said it too,”

“Whatever,” she shrugged. “Hi Evan!” She said a bit louder, even though she couldn’t see him.

“Hey,” Evan replied.

“You guys ready?” She said, as if they were going somewhere they planned to go for days. Connor raised his eyebrows as Evan appeared behind him, as confused as he was.

“For what?”

Zoe rolled her eyes this time. “The mallllllll,” she whined impatiently, like they should have already known. “We’re going to the mall, get ready,”

Evan smiled widely and tugged at Connor’s arm, looking up at him. “Yes! We’re going,” This was the perfect chance for Connor to get out of the house and have some fun. Connor looked down at Evan with his eyebrows still raised.

“I don’t wanna go to the mall...” He whined.

“We’re going to the mall,” Evan said matter-of-factly. He let go of Connor’s arm and nodded towards Zoe. “I’ll get ready, give me a s-second,” He walked over to his room as Connor sighed and looked around the living room, avoiding Zoe’s face. She only patiently waited for him to look back at her, smiling, knowing she won.

Again, Connor sighed loudly, but finally looked at Zoe, whose smile grew wider. “Where are your girlfriends?”

Zoe held up her finger. “Girls. Who are friends,” She corrected. “On a date,”

“Right, so you’re getting your gay friends to go shopping with you?”

“What?” She said sarcastically. “Evan’s GAY?” Connor smiled a bit and rolled his eyes. “I ever knew! After all the PINNIG over a STRAIGHT guy speeches you made,”

“I will snap your neck Zoe,” Connor chuckled.

“Whatever. You’re coming?” She asked, then looked up at Connor with puppy dog eyes.

“Yeah, because Evan wants too, nerd,” He stuck his tongue out.

“For Evan,” Zoe said, putting her hand out. To be honest, Connor wasn’t mad at Zoe or anything, he was picking on her, and would love to spend time with her. I mean, maybe not really at the mall but that was as good as he was getting right now. But something clicked as Zoe held out her hand.

He looked at it for a minute. His breath hitched, and he felt frozen in place. Suddenly, he shook it, and smiled back at her. “For Evan,” He repeated, then turned back to get ready while Zoe waited for the two.

__

“It looks adorable on you. Pleeaaaasee just let me buy it for you. You look so happy in it!” Connor begged. Evan blushed and smiled, looking down at the sky-blue dress skirt around his feet. He swung his hips around to make it move as if he was dancing. He loved it. He loved the way it felt, the way it looked. He thought he looked pretty in it. The dress was amazing. But, the question was, would he actually wear it out? No.

...

Maybe. But he wasn’t about to let Connor buy it to only have it hanging up in his closet forever. He glanced down at the price tag. “But it’s thirty-“

“Evan,” Zoe interrupted in her strictest mom voice. He looked up at her, slightly shocked. “I’m buying you the dress,”

“But-“

“No buts,”

It was quiet for a second with Connor and Evan looking at Zoe, who was glaring Evan down and crossing her arms. “I-“ Evan tried again.

“No,” Zoe said. She pointed to the dressing room door. “Dressing room. Now,”

Evan raised his eyebrows, but did what he was told anyway. Zoe wiggled proudly, putting her hands on her hips as she looked at Connor, who was leaning against the wall with his arms crossed, eyebrows raised as well. Zoe smiled. Three seconds of awkward silence passed with the two looking at each other as Evan got dressed.

“We’re buying you a flower crown next,” Zoe said to Connor.

“Yes ma’am,” Connor replied as Evan stepped back out in the clothes he wore to the mall, dress in hand. He awkwardly handed it to Zoe, who took it and flung it over her shoulders.

“Anything else boys?”

Evan shook his head. “Nail polish,” Connor said. Evan chuckled a bit, but Zoe nodded.

“I agree,” Zoe rushed over to a stand behind the counter, holding fidget spinners, fidget cubes, candy, and nail polish. She grabbed a black, yellow, and blue and looked back to Evan and Connor, holing them up. “$38!” She said enthusiastically, then put them on the counter.

Evan’s eyes widened as the dress was rung up. “Zoe, you didn’t have to b-buy me a 35-dollar d-dress! I-I’m not even going to wear it!”

Zoe shrugged, but didn’t look back. “At least if you change your mind, it’ll be there,”

“I think it would look good on you, honey,” The woman behind the counter commented.

“T-thank you...” Evan said quietly.

“See?” Connor said, coming up behind Evan and hugging him around his shoulders. Evan looked behind himself at him, and Connor looked down at Evan. “I told you look adorable in it,” Evan blushed and looked back down.

Zoe waved to the woman behind the counter, who happily waved back then got on her phone, before walking back to Connor and Evan and putting her hand out for Evan to take. He smiled and slowly lifted his hand up, but Connor beat him to it, holding Zoe’s hand tightly and then looking at Zoe, who just laughed. Connor grabbed Evan’s hand with his other as he and Zoe let go of each other.  

Evan blushed and moved closer to Connor as Zoe walked out and to Claire’s and they followed closely behind.

“Claire’s has a lot of flower crowns,” Zoe said. She thought for a minute. “And wedding stuff. They literally have wedding vails. Do you think you guys should get married?”

Connor rolled his eyes and snorted, while Evan buried his face in Connor’s side to hide his blush. “Zo, we’ve been dating for seven days,”

Zoe nodded her head slightly. “Right. We should at least wait a day or two more,” Connor rolled his eyes again, but didn’t hide his smile. Evan looked up at the boy and smiled widely, and when Connor looked down, he started to chuckle.

“What, you want to get married?”

Evan shrugged and looked forward. “I’m not opposed,” He sighed.

“Damn,” Connor laughed. “In that case, Hansen-“ He started, but bumped into someone else’s side before he could finish his sentence. He pulled Evan closer to him out of reflex  as he stumbled and made a small scoffing sound, snapping his head back at the person who bumped into him who was still regaining their balance. “Dude, watch it,” He snapped as the person turned around with the biggest grin on his face.

Connor’s eyes widened for a split second before he narrowed them again, grit his teeth, and turned around, storming off., still holding Evan close beside him. “Get fucking lo-“

“Murphy!” Jared said in a painfully sarcastic happy tone.

Evan spun around quickly to face his old friend, eyes wide. “Jared?”

Connor closed his eyes and cringed. “Shit,”

“Heeeeyyyy...” Jared dragged out, laughing sarcastically while crossing his arms. He was going to enjoy telling the two just how shitty they were. How shitty they are. Only to have them walk away again. But that was ok, as long as this time, _he_ made _them_ feel like shit. “The fuck is up Hansen?”

Connor turned around slowly and forced himself to smile too. He put his arm around Evan’s shoulders, glaring at the boy in front of them. Jared never lost his smirk. “Hey Jare-bear,”

“Jared, I-“

“Hold up,” Jared said, and Evan immediately stopped. “So, you just decide to fucking block me instead of, you know, working this out?” He shrugged and held his hands out in the ‘what-the-fuck-are-you-doing’ symbol, but no one could see them behind his arms.  

He let out a small breath. Steady and focused. He had been plaining on exactly what to say since the time he got over being ignored. Left out. Shunned. Maybe Jared seemed calm and collected on the outside, almost calm enough to scare Connor a bit, but every bone inside him was shaking. Every alarm inside his head was going off. His brain was halfway between angry and a sobbing mess.

Jared had done it. He had said the first thing on his mind. The hard part was figuring out what comes next.

Evan squinted, confused. “What?”

Connor crossed his arms and sighed slightly, averting his eyes from Jared. Immediately, Jared knew _exactly_ what was going on. His eyes widened. He let his arms go loose at his sides, but his fists balled up. “Connor, you dick!” He yelled. Right in the mall. A few heads turned their way, but ultimately, no one cared. Connor looked behind himself. Where the fuck was Zoe?

He looked back and scoffed. “Evan doesn’t need you to keep doing this to him,”

“Fuck you!” Jared spit out.

“Fuck _you_!”

“ _Stop!_ ” Evan yelled, but no one really listened.

Jared redirected his attention to Evan. “It’s been weeks Hansen; how did you not notice that I wasn’t texting or calling?”

“I-I just thought you were ignoring me,” He looked down, loosely crossing his arms, feeling slightly guilty. How did he not know?  

“Evan, why the fuck would I-“

“I don’t know,” Connor interrupted, spitting his words out like poison in his mouth, “Kleinman, why would you yell at him in the first place?”

“I don’t know, Murphy, maybe I’m just fucked up like that,”

“You’re not...” Evan got quiet as he finished, “ _messed up,_ ”

Jared smiled mockingly again. “Ha! You’re _too sweet_ Ev,”

Suddenly, Evan snapped his head back up, hurt, and feeling guiltier then he had before. Jared thought...! I mean, Evan had...he didn’t know. He didn’t know that Connor had blocked Jared. How did he not know? Why didn’t he notice when Jared wouldn’t text or call? Why didn’t he _know?_ He should have known. “Jared! I’m trying to be nice. I d-do like you Jared,”

Jared rolled his eyes and scoffed, putting his hands in his pockets, making Evan step closer to Connor as the taller boy put his arm around him again. Enraging Connor. “Oh yeah! I can tell! After all, all that _effort_ you put into trying to contact me really shows how much you care! Admit it, you don’t give a shit about me!”

“Jared, I just...why do you always do this?” He sounded like he was on the brink of crying. Or yelling. Or both. And Connor was the only one who noticed. Or cared. “W-why are we always _fighting_ Jared? I’m _so_ t-tired!”

“I don’t fucking know!”

“You’re always starting shit!” Connor yelled, pulling Evan closer to him, if you can imagine, and motioning with his other hand as he did so. “You’re always, out there, acting like an asshole! I don’t fucking get it Kleinman. Do you even _like_ him?” 

Jared squinted and paused, as if he was looking for the right response. _1) Of course, I do. 2) I fucking love him, asshole. 3) What does it look like?_ He crossed his arms again, and picked G. Obviously. “You’d choose this guy over me?”

Connor growled. “I’ve been with him through _everything!_ You fucking sit around and do _nothing_! Feeling sad for yourself because you do nothing and the situation isn’t ‘fixed’ but refusing to get off your lazy ass and fix it yourself. I have to fix it!”

“What do you mean fucking _have to?_ Is caring for Evan a _job_ to you?”

Evan buried his face in Connor’s side, breathing in and out slowly into his jacket. Taking in the smell of weed and coconuts. He was going to break down. _He was going to break down._ He didn’t know. He didn’t know! And now...should he be mad at Connor? Should he be mad at Jared? Should he be mad at himself. “You know what I fucking mean, asshole,” Connor grumbled.

What should he say? Should he even say anything? Interrupt? He took another deep breath and opened his eye, turning around.

Now or never.

“Why would you e-even want to work this out? We’re not even f-friends. You say it yourself all the time! If there’s not ‘family’ in front of the word, you get ma-mad or something, or...laugh it off and you deny it,”

Jared let out a weak singular laugh. His face fell. The smug smile he was holding turned into one of regret. “Evan, that’s a joke, I thought you...”

“T-there’s only so m-much I can take,”

“It is! I swear to god, I haven’t always been there for you and I say the w-wrong thing at the wrong time and I, ah, honest to _god_ Evan, _I know_ I can do better, it’s, just...but, but I promise, it’s a joke! When I say _that!_ You’re my best friend! I love you!” He didn’t really realizing what he was saying until he was done saying it. I love you. But he didn’t take it back. “And I want to help,”

“Too late, Jared,”  

Jared took a step forward. “Evan...”

“Jared, I just-”

“Ev please,”

Connor narrowed his eyes. “Get away from him,”

“Fuck off, freak,”

“He’s not a freak!” Evan yelled.

“Evan, please! Just think for a minute. Please,”

“I have been thinking. I’ve been thinking a lot,”

“Please...”

Evan stepped away from Connor and closer to Jared. He grounded himself like he was waiting for someone, something, to try and push him over. He would stand. He would stay. “I’ve been thinking about everything! You want to know who was there to help me when I fell? Metaphorically and physically, I’m not just talking about that day in the park. It was Connor. It was Connor all along. He may have got mad sometimes along the road, and he may have yelled, and he may have ignored me, he may have joked and accidently made me sad or mad, but he always apologized, and he always did his best to be there and make sure I was ok. What have _you_ ever done for me?”

Jared answered back immediately. He expected to be yelled at. But did he deserve it? “He. Doesn’t. Know you like _I_ do!” No one listened. No one cared. Jared got louder. “He doesn’t love you like I do!”

Too loud. People turned again. But this time, they stopped and stared. A few, but it was enough to anger Evan. Suddenly, he didn’t care about what anyone else thought or how they saw him. Fights broke out in stores like this all the time, right? Right. His face turned red. His eyes narrowed. He could feel anger swelling up inside him, and heat radiating off his face.

After weeks, _weeks,_ of Jared not making any effort to contact him at all, none to contact Heidi or Connor or go to his house maybe, after a stupid misunderstanding, he comes here and _yells_ at Evan, _yells_ at Connor, and thinks Evan should still talk to him? Forgive him? What right did Jared have? Couldn’t he have just, I don’t know, talked to Evan and Connor normally? Maybe they could’ve worked something out. Maybe they could’ve made up. Maybe...

Evan turned around quickly, pulled Connor down a bit by his jacket, and kissed him. It was hard and passionate, like he didn’t care if anyone saw, like he didn’t care about the consequences, like he was never going to kiss Connor again. And maybe...that was going to be the case. Was it?

He let go of Connor’s jacket and pulled back to see that Connor’s face was just as red as his. No one said anything. No one moved. All three of them stood, as shocked as the other. Until Evan snapped to his senses. “I-I’m sorry Connor...” He shuddered, searching Connor’s eyes for something. But there was nothing there but shock. Or maybe Evan just didn’t see anything. “I’m r-really sorry. I... _shit_...”

“Ev,” Connor started, reaching for Evan’s hand, but Evan started running. Jared’s eyes followed him, but he never moved. “Evan! What the fuck, Kleinman?!” Connor started running after him, pushing Jared out of the way.

“Fuck you, Murphy!” He yelled back weakly as his eyes followed Connor disappear around the corner like thy watched Evan. But Connor didn’t stop, and Jared didn’t move. He felt more alone than he did before. Truly, totally, alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I swear to god I will write Jared as a good dude pretty soon. Like, next chapter, he's a good dude. Trust me.
> 
> Or not, your decision.
> 
> Hey. Hey. Hey. I have a tumblr. Come ask me stuff or talk to me or...idk. I'm lonely 


	13. The Insanely Gay Jared Kleinman

“I need to go to the store today,” Jennifer Kleinman said, moving canned goods in the cabinet to make room for more.

“Uh-huh,” Jared replied from the couch, staring at his phone screen.

“You need to go to your father’s,”

“Uh-huh,”

She closed the cabinet and turned around to look at Jared with her hands placed on her hips. “He agreed to pick you up at the mall if that’s what you want to do, you know, so you don’t have to go to the store with me, because,” she shrugged slightly, “you _hate_ the store,”

“Uhhh,” Jared paused for a second to type something out on his phone, but it didn’t last long. “Huh,” Jennifer let out a quick sigh and then walked over to the couch. She took Jared’s phone out of his hands, making him look up at her with a shocked expression and reaching for the phone. “Hey!”

She crossed her arms. “Have you been listening to me at all?”

He mimicked her by crossing his own arms and looking in a different direction. “Dad. Mall.” He suddenly put his hand out to her and looked back. “Phone?”

She sighed and slowly handed the phone back. “You can invite some friends, you’re going to be there for a few hours,”

He slouched back, retaking the position he was in before. “Yeah,” He deadpanned. Jennifer made a short high-pitched humming sound and smiled as she started running her hand through Jared’s hair. Jared’s hand shot up quickly to brush it away and he looked back at her. “Ow! Mom!”

“Maybe some old friends?”

“Camp friends?”

“Evan?” His mother said, although it sounded more like a question.

Jared looked back to his phone. “Yeah. Sure. Whatever,” He said in a low growl.

Jennifer sighed and went back to her work. She wasn’t supposed to know Evan and Jared weren’t getting along. Jared never wanted to tell her. But that’s the problem with you and your friend’s moms being...friends. She was going to find out eventually. And maybe Jared’s emotional breakdown the day Evan blocked him didn’t help. It just...happened. He didn’t like to think about it. Jared hadn’t cried in front of anyone, really, since he was six years old. He hardly ever cried in the first place. 

It was weird. The situation Jared was in was weird. Having a crush on your friend that you previously only talked to so your parents would pay your car insurance? Weird. Refusing to better yourself as a person to actually get along with him? Weird. Crying over said friend hating you, even though you made him hate you? Weird. The feelings he had now? Weird. And let me tell you why.

On one hand, he wanted to be with Evan again. As friends? Together? Jared wasn’t really sure of that part but he wanted to be with Evan. And maybe he could get used to Connor and get along with him. I mean, he doubted it, but maybe he could. He was sorry. He was sad. And he would do anything to make things right again. On the other hand, if he saw Evan and Connor ever again, he’d probably yell at them and call them out for the shitty people they were being, even though he was the reason why they were doing what they were doing.

Jared knew deep down that it was all his fault.

Jennifer let out a content sigh from the kitchen and shut the door to the fridge, which she was working on clearing. “Alright,” She turned to look at her son. “Jared?”

“Mmm,” Jared weakly groaned in reply, not looking at his mother at all. It took a second for him to realized what was happening. He turned to her. “Yeah?”

“Did you ask Evan to come?”

He paused and looked back at his phone. The screen was black. He took a second. Even if he wanted to, he couldn’t. Jared let out a small sigh that only he could hear. He looked back and smiled. “He’s meeting me there,”

Jennifer smiled warmly. “I hope you boys work it out. I hate to see you fight,”

“Yeah,” Jared replied hoarsely as he stood up and walked over to put his shoes on. He shoved his phone in his pocket. “Me too,”

______

Jared slammed the back door, not caring if his dad heard. “I pour my _fucking_ heart out-“ He abruptly stopped for a minute and started mumbling nonsense. His arms were crossed and he looked downward, taping his foot on the pavement. He waited two more seconds, then threw his arms in the air. “Why should I give a fuck!?”          

Suddenly, a door slammed shut from the other side of the fence and immediately ran to the side of his house, where no one could see him. _I bet someone else is having just as much of a shitty day as I am having. No, wait, that’s incorrect grammar. I wonder if someone else is hurting like I-? No. Maybe someone else-_ “Under this tree!” A girl squealed, breaking though his train of thought. He decided to focus in on their conversation.

“Who’s going to give the wedding?” Another girl asked. Her voice was a bit deeper.

“What?” A boy answered.

It was silent for a second. “You know?” The girl said. It was quiet again. “ _Give the-?”_

 _Wedding?_ The all sounded very young.

“Jenna!” The first girl interrupted.

“What?” A girl Jared assumed was Jenna answered. “I don’t know how? Isn’t there a script or some shit?”

Jared peaked out from the corner of his house to see two boys leaning on a tree, hand in hand. One started laughing about something. He was wearing a red, short sleeved button up shirt with a black bowtie. He ran his free hand through his short, black, hair, looking up at the slightly taller one beside him. He was chuckling too. He had a slightly fancier blue button up shirt, long sleeve, with a black bowtie. He had a rose flower crown lay on top of light brown hair.

Standing in front of the tree was a girl looking at her phone franticly in a purple summer dress. She scoffed and let her hands fall to her sides, looking at another girl in a pink dress. Jared squinted. Never mind, it was a boy in a pink, lacy, dress. “What do you guys what me to say? Poof, now you’re married?” Jenna said, putting her hands back up and on her hips.

Another boy, in a much more formal suit and pink bowtie, put his arm over the boy in the pink dress. His fingernails were painted pink as well. It was kind of awkward because he was a bit shorter. Well...a lot shorter. “I think it has something to do with God and shit,”

Jared smiled slyly, deciding now was time to jump in. He walked over, jumping the fence smoothly. Well, he scratched his leg and winced a bit, because nobody’s perfect, not even the insanely cool Jared Kleinman. “God is dead,” He said as he walked over to the group of three. “And this is the shit that killed him,”

The boy in the suit shrugged. “He has a point,” 

“So, is this some big underage gay wedding here?” Jared joked, pointing as the girl and two boys in front of him.

“Yes!” A girl in a sleeveless, short, white dress answered from behind. She jumped up when she said it, letting a few stray ends of her blonde hair fall out of her bun.

“Oh,” Jared looked around awkwardly, then shrugged. He needed _something_ to take his mind off today. And this was better than staying home alone and waiting for a text from Evan, just so he could ignore it. If, you know, a text from Evan ever came...if a call from Connor came, explaining how shitty Jared was. How terrible...he... “I’m down for watching some gay weddings take place,” 

“I could do it, Jenna,” Some girl suggested. She was in a yellow skirt and a white shirt with tiny lace sleeves, and had a small pink rose flower crown.

Jenna shrugged. “I _would_ do it,”

“Dude, we’re teenagers. It’s not supposed to be a legal marriage, just say whatever you want,” The boy in the dress said.

“Too late,” Jenna said, pulling out her phone. “Christine’s doing it,”

Christine smiled and punched at the sky violently. When she stopped, she looked around and Jared, Jenna, and another boy who was standing idly by, just watching all this happen. “So, where are the guests going to sit?”

“Rocks?” The boys who were leaning by the tree walked next to Jared. The taller one smiled, putting his hand out. “Jeremy,” He said.

Jared shook Jeremy’s hand, smiling. “Jared,”

“Neat,” When they broke away, he motioned to the one beside him.

“I’m Michael, at your service,” He shook Jared’s hand as well. As soon as they broke away, Michael shot finger guns at Jared. “Ayyy,”

Jeremy rolled his eyes. “Michael,”

But Jared just shot finger guns straight back. “Ayyy,”

“I want a divorce,” Jeremy said.

Michael nudged him with his elbow. “We need to be married first babe,” He said casually.

Jeremy clicked his tongue. “I forgot for a minute,”

“I know, it’s confusing,”

“Sorry to break it to you,” Jenna started, gesturing around the yard, “but there are no rocks big enough for people to sit on,”

Michael shrugged. “The floor?” It was silent for a minute. Christine stopped talking to the boy beside her and started to focus on Michael. Christine smiled and put her hands behind her back, and the other boy raised his eyebrow.

Everyone was looking at Michael with confused expressions. Suddenly, Jared managed a tiny scoff and smiled, looking around with his eyes wide. “You...you mean...the _ground?”_ Jeremy asked patiently. Jenna started laughing. Jeremy stared chuckling as well, and it was clear that he was trying to hide it, but it wasn’t working well.

Michael blushed and tried to look angry, but really, he was on the verge of laughing as he recognized his mistake. “Whatever,” He waved them away then crossed his arms. “Same thing,” He huffed.

“It’s not,” Christine chimed in sweetly.

“I could go inside and get the wood chairs from the kitchen,” Jenna suggested.

“I’ll help,” Jared added.

Jenna nodded towards Jared and started walking towards the back door, Jared followed. Girls giggled behind him and some boys were yelling and joking. There was a chanting from one boy, ‘go, go, go, gO, GO’ and a warning from some girl who was laughing as well, ‘Don’t tear your dress!’. Some boy yelled back, ‘I got it Chloe!’ as Jared looked back to find the boy in the pink dress climbing the tree. “Jake, get the fuck down!”

“Rich dared me!”

“Rich, if he tears that dress, I’m killing you,” A girl warned, pointing a finger at who Jared guessed was Rich. He put his hands up in defense.

Jared chuckled and heard a camera shutter. He turned around as Jenna started to put her phone back in her pocket. She looked at Jared as she opened the door. “Chloe has a right to get piss-y,” she chuckled, “she payed for his dress,”

She walked in the house and Jared followed. “Hah. I would be piss-y too,” He replied. He looked around the dimly lit living room. A blanket was bunched up on the floor next to the couch with a plastic red cup laying beside it. There were another two blankets laying on the couch under a throw pillow. A bookshelf next to the couch was only filled with assorted books half way, the other half held a laptop and a few board games. Some, Jared had seen before, some he hadn’t. Next to the T.V on the other side of the room was a pair of shoes, a jacket, and two book bags.

The two walked into the kitchen, which was cleaner with the light on. Everything was put away neatly, with the exception of two dirty dishes on the left side of the sink. On the table was a book and a pair of headphones. Two wooden chairs sat at each side of the table. Jenna walked to the far end and picked up one of the wooden chairs. She started walking towards the door with the chair in her hands, but stopped beside Jared. “We need two more. If you want, I can send Chloe in the get it, or I can come back,”

Jared put his hand up. “Nah, it’s chill. I’ll carry both,” He smiled. Jenna smiled too.

“Alright then,” She walked to the door and Jared’s eyes followed her as she put the chair down and opened the door again. In a millisecond, his eyes adjusted to the light and he saw not one, but TWO boys in the tree. A branch snapped underneath Jake, but he was holding on to another branch and didn’t fall.

“JAKE!” Someone yelled. Someone else laughed.

Jared smiled as the door shut and he looked at the table.

“Jake,” Jenna laughed. “Get out. You’re going to break a bone or something,” She said next to the door, so Jared could still hear her. Other people laughed. “Get out of the tree!”

_Get out of the tree_

_Get out of the tree_

_Get out of the tree_

_Get out_

Jared stacked two more chairs together and struggled to pick them up for a second before walking back to the door. As soon as he opened it he saw Jake helping Rich down from the tree, laughing. The only girl he didn’t really know the name of saw Jared in the doorway, and ran to him. She grabbed one of the chairs, giggling. “You’re going to throw out your back!” She dragged the chair out to the tree and set it beside the one Jenna put out. Jared carried his chair out and put it beside the other two.

“Look,” Christine said, as soon as Jared got to the tree. She pointed at the sky. Jared looked up. Dark clouds. He looked back down. “Rain clouds,” She said plainly, looking around at everyone.

“Well then,” Rich pronounced, clapping his hands loudly. “Better get married!”

Chloe walked up to her girlfriend and hugged her closely, kissing her head. The girlfriend laughed and they both walked up to the tree. Michael and Jeremy walked to the other side of the tree hand in hand, while Jake and Rich walked to the middle. Christine walked behind all of them and stood closest to the tree, smiling like crazy. Jared sat down beside one of the other boys.

Christine clapped her hands just as Rich had. “Ok, now-“

“Oh, wait, wait, wait!” Jared said, jumping up. “One before wedding picture!”

The boy beside him laughed, and Christine jumped up in the air. “Yes!” Rich and Jake looked at each other, smiling, and shrugged. The girl he didn’t know clapped her hands excitedly and giggled.

Jared pulled his phone out of his pockets and turned on his camera. “Guests too!”

“Jenny!” Christine said, putting her arms out as people started crowding together to be in the picture.

“Chris!” Jenna said excitedly. The two girls laughed as Jenna ran to her, and Christine put her arm around Jenna. The boy moved between Rich and Michael.  Michael put his arm around him, and he chuckled.

“Watch out Jeremy,” He said. Michael laughed. Jeremy smiled and looked at the both, then Michael.

“Keep him,” He replied. It was the boy’s turn to laugh.

Jared got in position to snap the picture. “Wait!” Jenna said. “Jared, you’re a guest!”

There was a murmur of collective agreements from the crowd. Rich motioned towards himself, where there was an extra space. “Turn on the timer,” He said.

“Prop it on a chair,” Jeremy added.

“Good idea,”

Jared raised his eyebrow and smiled. “Really?” He asked in astonishment.

“Yeah!” Michael said. Jared started smiling more. He turned on a timer for five seconds, propped his phone on a chair in the middle, and made sure it would capture everyone, and pressed the button to take the picture. He jogged to Rich, who pat him on the pack. “Uggh,” Michael said. “You jog like a white suburban mom,” Jake laughed.      

“Shut up, Michael,” Jared replied.

“Get used to saying that,” Chloe added. More people chuckled. Michael pretended to pout.

“Everyone say cheese!” The girl who helped Jared with the chairs remarked.

“ _Cheese!”_

_One...two..._

_Click!_  

         


	14. Ice to Know

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WHO'S PRODUCTAVE?
> 
>  
> 
> I AM. I'M PRODUCTAVE.   
> WHOOOOOO

There was never a time in Evan’s life when he was not in love with snow. He loved it when he was too young to even grasp the concept of snow. It’s not just the snow itself, I mean, snow’s great, but there’s a certain magic in the air when it’s snowing. A magic that can be felt inside too. It’s that cold winter air mixed with the warmth inside your house that has some special feeling to it that you can’t quite describe but it’s just _there_.

See, Autumn air has that crisp, cold air feeling, but it’s also slightly warmed by the sun, and the wind blows softly enough that it’s not going to let you freeze to death, but just enough to make its presence known. When it’s snowing, and the wind is blowing softly, and the air is cold, that crisp air feeling is more present, and that’s exactly why Evan loved it.

It wasn’t just playing in the snow or seeing snow, even though Evan loved both those things, it was the magic. So, when Evan’s head popped up on the second day of December, he didn’t even have to look outside his window to know the ground was blanketed in white, fluffy, freshly laid snow. He smiled widely and threw his covers off like a child, excitedly hoping out of bed.

He ran to the living room where Heidi was putting a heavy coat on and getting ready to walk out the door. She stopped and looked at her son who slid into the room and leaned on a nearby wall. He smiled. “Snow,” He said simply.

Heidi chuckled. “Snow,” She put on her coat and walked over to Evan, giving him a kiss on his forehead. “I’ll be back late. After work, I’m coming home to get ready for my date,”

Evan nodded. “When am I going to meet him?”

“Umm, hopefully soon, you know?” Heidi sighed, looking up. “He’s been saying that he would like to meet you, but he want’s things with us to become more serious before he meets you,”

Evan nodded again. _How more serious can it get? She’s been dating that guy for a while..._ “Seems fair,” He smiled. “Seems like a g-good guy,”

“He is, honey. I’m glad you think so,” After a few seconds, she sighed again. “I have to get to work, ok? Call Connor or someone, so you’re not home alone. Or you can go out. Share your love of snow,” She said the last part in a joking tone. She walked to the door and opened it, letting the cold air seep in. She looked back at Evan one last time and gave a little wave. “Love you, sweetie. Be safe,”

He waved back. “Love you too,” And then she was out the door. Evan thought for a second. It was different this time. Connor was hours away from him, and he couldn’t just drop everything and drive down. Also, the roads weren’t bad, it wasn’t like there was a lot of snow, but it _was_ snowing and maybe it was just difficult to drive in the snow. Not that Evan would really know, but he guessed it was.

A few seconds passed and he decided to ask Connor anyway. He really wanted to spend the first snow day with him. And if Connor couldn’t come...well...he didn’t have anyone else really to invite to stay with him.

Except, maybe Jared.

Nevermind.

He bolted back to his room and picked up his cell phone. It was 8:45 already, surely Connor was up by now, right? Connor was usually up before he was anyway. But there was no text from him. He usually always-

_Pop!_

And there was the notification.

 **CornOnTheCon [8:46]:** good morning baby <3 how did you sleep?

 **Evangreen [8:46]:** Good morning! Good :) I was thinking we could go out somewhere today? If you can’t that’s ok. You just live really far away and I don’t get to see you a lot and this is the first day of snow. I want to spend time with you but if you can’t that’s ok

 **CornOnTheCon [8:46]:** i was actually about to ask you if it was ok if i came over. where do you want to go?

“Yes!” He exclaimed out loud, knowing fully well that no one could hear him.

The only problem was that Evan had no idea what to do. He wanted to go out, but what could they do? There was always the movies, but he had little to no money and he had no idea what was playing, and Evan didn’t like all the people in theaters. They can just walk around town. That way he could spend time outside and with Connor. But what if Connor said it was too cold? What if he didn’t like snow as much as Evan did? He sighed, out of ideas, and texted back.

 **Evangreen [8:47]:** Well that’s the thing. I actually don’t know where to go

 **CornOnTheCon [8:47]:** do you want to walk around town? im sure we can find something to do that way

 **Evangreen [8:47]:** Sounds great

 **CornOnTheCon [8:47]:** wear something warm. ill be there in a couple hours bean. love you

 **Evangreen [8:48]:** Love you too

He dropped his phone on his bed and laid out warm clothes on his bed before getting ready for the day.

Only once had he thought of texting Jared. But, of course, he never did. He hadn’t heard from him since the mall, and before the mall, well, it was easier to ignore him because he didn’t know that Connor blocked him. He just though Jared wasn’t texting him because he didn’t want to talk to Evan anymore. Now, Evan knew that Jared still wanted to talk to him. And Evan kind of wanted to talk to Jared too. He just didn’t know what to say.

Truth be told, he missed Jared a little. He wondered what Jared was doing now. How he was doing.

___

 “Ok, ok!” Jeremy put his hands up in defense. But that didn’t stop Rich from throwing two more snowballs in his face. “Ack! Stop! Wait!”

“You killed Jared!” Rich yelled back.

“I can’t feel my toes,” Jared remarked as he laid down on the ground.

Michael retaliated by gathering as many snowballs as he could in his arms and throwing them at Rich. Unfortunately, Michael was really bad at aiming, and all but two hit Rich. Rich picked up some more snow and tried to hit Michael, put instead hit Jared in his face. Jared blew snow out of his mouth and wiped his face. “Rich, you whore!”

Jeremy and Michael started laughing as Jared stood back up and started running after Rich. “I’m sorry!”

“Too late!”

Rich shrieked as Jared caught up with him and latched onto his back, bringing both of them down to the ground. They wrestled in the snow for a minute before Rich yelled; “I surrender!” and rolled over to lay on his back. They laid motionless on the ground for a few seconds, catching their breath.

Michael peered over Rich. “You ok?”

“It’s fucking cold,” Rich exclaimed.

There were collective agreements between the other three. Jared stood up and helped Rich stand up as well. They followed Jeremy and Michael inside, stomping before they walked in the door so excess snow fell of their clothes. “Hey, Dad,” Jeremy said as he walked inside.

Jared gave a little wave. “Morning, Mr. Heere,”             

Paul Heere took a sip of his coffee and then put it beside the couch, going straight back to reading his newspaper. “Morning boys. I just bought some hot chocolate. It’s in the kitchen. Somewhere,”

“I’ll make it,” Jared told Jeremy, heading towards the kitchen.

“I’ll go with you,” Rich said.

Jeremy nodded. “We’ll be in Michael’s room,” Michael took Jeremy’s hand and lead him downstairs to where he was staying until he could get an apartment of his own or go to college, although Paul said he could stay as long as he wanted. His room was set up almost exactly like his room at his old home. Except Jeremy’s bean bags were downstairs beside the ones Michael brought from his old house, so there where four sitting in front of his T.V.

He brought Jeremy to his bed and they took off their jackets and shoes, throwing them to the other corner of the room. Michael turned on the heater next to his drawers and sat down on the bed beside Jeremy, who was looking at his phone. He cleared his throat. “Christine made it to Alana’s,”

Michael nodded. “It sucks that they live kind of far away,”

“Yeah,” Jeremy agreed. “But at least they’re getting to see each other,”

“True,”

“She sent a video,” Jeremy said, chuckling. Michael moved closer to him and put his chin on Jeremy’s shoulder. Jeremy started the video.

_The camera was shaking with every step Christine took towards the door. She switched hands and knocked on the door patiently._

_“One second!” Someone yelled from the other side. Alana. Christine giggled upon hearing someone walk to the door. It opened slowly and it seemed like Alana was in the middle of putting her hair up, but she stopped as soon as she recognized Christine. Her face lit up and she jumped in the air, clapping her hands together. “BUNNY!”_

_“LANS!”_

_The camera bounced up and down as Christine jumped over to Alana and hugged her. “I didn’t think you were going to come today!”_

_“I wanted to keep it a surprise!” Christine squealed._

_“I hope driving in the snow wasn’t a hassle,”_

_“It wasn’t, don’t worry,” Christine brought the camera down to focus on her and Alana. Alana looked into the screen with a smile. “Say hi to the guys!” Christine sang._

_“Hi guys!” Alana said enthusiastically. Alana suddenly pressed a kiss on Christine’s cheek as Christine laughed. The video ended._

Michael and Jeremy chuckled. “Aww,” Michael remarked. “We need to get Alana up here more,”

“Her parents are kind of strict through, right?” Jeremy asked.

Michael shrugged. “You’d have to ask Christine,” He thought for a minute and then stood up. “I’m going to go check on Rich and Jared,”

Jeremy looked up at him. His eyes widened a bit. “O-ok,”

The room was silent for a minute. Neither one moved. Michael smile sympathetically. Neither one moved. “Do you want to come with me?” He asked and Jeremy stood up, grabbing Michael’s hand. He looked down, suddenly guilty or embarrassed.

“Yeah,” He said quietly.

“Hey,” Michael said in order to get Jeremy to look at him. It worked. Jeremy smiled a bit. Michael kissed his forehead. “I love you,”

“I love you too,” Jeremy said softly. The two walked upstairs and no sooner had they left than Jeremy’s phone started to light up with text messages from Christine into a group chat.

 **#1 Mom [8:45]:** Alana and I are going to the movies!!!

 **#1 Mom [8:45]:** Hope you guys are having fun! We will keep you posted!!

 **TheySeeMeRolan [8:45]:** <3 <3 <3 <3 Tell me everything

 **Memeboio [8:46]:** Unless you do the frik frak, then plz don’t tell me

 **# 1 Mom [8:46]:** I’m kicking Jake out of the group chat

 **Valentine [8:46]:** Bye

 **Memeboio [8:46]:** :O  

___

The two girls walked out of the movie theater with Christine holding onto Alana’s arms and giggling. She looked up at Alana. “So, you _did_ like it?”

Alana chuckled. “I really did like it. It was a sweet movie,”

“Good,” Christine nodded, and then looked forward as the two kept walking to their car, which was parked by a Thai restaurant the girls when to before walking to the crowded theater.  “Because I loved it,”

Alana chuckled again and raised her eyebrow. “Then why do you need my approval?”

“Well I can’t love it if you don’t at least like it. And if I took you to a movie you hated on a date, and didn’t take you somewhere amazing afterward, what kind of girlfriend would I be? Also, it’s nice to ask, and I think it might help me better understand what movies you like, so I can take you on more dates to the movies and I’ll pick out stuff you like,” She took a short break to breathe. “I already know that you like the pretzel bites more than the popcorn. And you like the chocolate chip cookie dough bites and Sour Patch Kids. Oh, oh, and you like Orange Fanta,”  

Christine looked back up to Alana with a wide smile on her face. The girl never seemed to frown when she was talking with someone. Alana kissed her on her forehead. “You are so weird,”

“Mmm, I know,” Christine skipped once and pulled herself closer to Alana with her eyes closed. She smiled and opened her eyes again, looking at Alana, who was still looking forward. Christine opened her mouth to speak before Alana gasped and smiled.

“Evan!”

Christine looked forward. There were two people holding hands. Both smiling. One she recognized was Connor, and the other was someone she had only seen in a picture Jared had shown her. The one he had a crush on. Evan. Christine smiled anyway.

Of course, Jared had told everyone about the mall. About everything. He already told them that Evan _might_ be dating Connor, but he didn’t know for sure. Well, now Christine knew. They were dating. The question was, should she keep that information to herself, or tell someone?

“Alana!” Evan exclaimed. “Uhhh, hi!”

Alana gave a little wave. “Hi. Hey, Connor,”

“Hey. Christine. Hello as well,” Connor said.

“Hey,” Christine replied softly.

“So...what are you guys up to?” Connor asked.

Alana pointed behind herself and Christine at the theater parking lot. A few people were pulling out. Some more people were pulling in. “We went to the movies, what are you up to?”

Connor shrugged. “Walking,”

“The movie t-theater looks really crowded,” Evan remarked.

“Well it was $5 per person, no matter the movie. And I think it was the release of some other new movie, I don’t know,” Christine said looking back. She squinted before accepting that she was too far away to read the posters for the movies. She looked back at Evan and smiled. “Evan, right? Ja-“ She stopped herself before mentioning Jared. “I’ve heard a lot about you,”

“R-really?”

She nodded. “Connor talks about you a lot,” She said smugly, which wasn’t a lie. Connor talked about ‘his boyfriend’ but Christine didn’t exactly know who his boyfriend was until now. Connor cleared his throat and looked away, obviously embarrassed.

“Well...” Connor said.

“Awww,” Evan teased.

Connor snapped his head around and glared at Christine, but he was smiling as well. “Why don’t you guys walk to the coffee shop with us?” He pointed to the left. “It’s just over there. We parked at the Walmart, where are you?”

Christine pointed towards the restaurant. “It’s over there,”

“Which one?”

“Red Chevy,” Christine replied.

Connor nodded. “You coming?” Alana and Christine looked at each other and nodded, then they turned towards Evan and Connor and nodded again. Connor looked down at Evan once, then back at the two girls. He let go of Evan’s hand and put his hands in his pockets. “Ok, it’s...” He trailed off and nodded his head to the left, but Alana already seemed to be walking that way. She broke away from Christine and jogged to Evan, immediately starting up a conversation.

Connor walked over to Christine. He chuckled. “I’m going to kill you,”

She crossed her arms and clicked her tongue as the two of them started walking to keep up with Evan and Alana. “I’d like to see you do it, Hot Topic,”

“Aww,” Connor tilted his head. “You think I’m hot,”

Christine chuckled. “We’re going to _fight,”_

“I wonder if you can even reach me,”

“Evan’s the same height as me and he could probably beat you in a fight, you freaking titan,” Christine teased.

“I’d probably just let Evan win the fight. You don’t stand a chance, tiny,”

“It’s because I’m gay, isn’t it?”

Connor scoffed. “Obviously,”

Christine, clearly out of argument ideas, stopped walking and stuck her tongue out at Connor. In return, Connor stopped walking and stuck his tongue out at Christine. A camera clicked. Both Christine and Connor turned their heads to Evan and Alana, who were both laughing as Alana took a picture. “I’m sending it to the group chat!” She sang.

“Lans!” Christine yelled. She jumped up and started running after her girlfriend, laughing and yelling, leaving Evan and Connor running behind them to the coffee shop. Christine was so caught up in the moment, she really didn’t care if Alana sent the picture to the group chat or not. She didn’t realize that Jared was in the group chat too. She didn’t understand that Jared would find out she was with Connor.

And wherever Connor was, there was Evan.

___

 **#2 Mom [12:05]:** thesedorks.jpg

 **TheySeeMeRolan [12:05]:** Who’s that?

 **Memeboio [12:05]:** I believe its christine

 **TheySeeMeRolan [12:05]:** I hate u so much

 **TheySeeMeRolan [12:05]:** Y do I hang out w/ u

 **WeedSocks [12:05]:** He goes to our school

 **HelpImLohst [12:06]:** Mr School Shooter 

 **TheySeeMeRolan [12:06]:** I haven’t seen him before. Is he new??? Cuz I know? Everyone??? How did I miss him??

 **Memeboio [12:06]:** I think?? Hes new?? I haven’t?? Seen him?? That much??

 **TheySeeMeRolan [12:06]:** Seriously, fuck u

 **WeedSocks [12:06]:** He doesn’t go to school a lot. Like, I think hes been there 16 total days or something?

 **WeedSocks [12:06]:** Which is odd. Shouldn’t he be in trouble for that shit??

 **HelpImLohst [12:07]:** Maybe he’s not in trouble yet because nobody is really sure if he’s a student of not

 **HelpImLohst [12:07]:** Like, he’s there sometimes and then when he’s not everyone just thinks he was an imagination

 **HelpImLohst [12:07]:** So, they can’t, like, bring him to justice cuz they don’t know

 **WeedSocks [12:07]:** How high are you?

 **HelpImLohst [12:07]:** Yes

“Ummm,” Jared exclaimed, jogging down the stairs and looking at his phone. “Why is there a picture of Connor Murphy in the chat?”

Michael, Jeremy, and Rich looked up. “Mr. School Shooter?” Michael asked.

Jared scoffed and smiled. “Yeah,” He frowned again. “Why is Christine with him? And who is Mom number 2?”

“Mom number 2 is Alana,” Jeremy answered, “who never really hangs out with us because her parents don’t let her come up here. There kind of strict. She’s dating Christine, and Christine wanted to go down to her house today because her parents are gone and won’t be back until tomorrow night,”

“Christine is dating Alana Beck?” Jared asked.

“You know Alana?” Jeremy asked back.

Jared shrugged. “I mean, not too well, but...” He paused. “Is Evan with them?”

Rich sat up and was about to say something before Jeremy interrupted. “I don’t really know...I could ask her i-“

“Don’t,” Rich interrupted. “Jared, do you really want to know if Evan’s there?”

“Yeah,” Jared said rather quickly.

“Why?” Rich replied.

Jared sighed and shoved his phone in his pocket. He sat down on the bed and pressed his back against the wall and at Rich’s feet. “Look, I know I’ve told you a lot about Evan, and I know I have weird mixed emotions, but really I just want things to go back the way it was, ok? I...I was a dick, and hanging out with Connor made him realize I was a dick, I guess. And he...fucking grew a pair and...I need to apologize and not let my pride get the best of me or something, I don’t know,”

“Well, why do you want to know if he’s there now?” Rich asked.

Jared got quiet. He looked directly in front of him to the wall. He shrugged slowly. “I just want to know if he’s happy, that’s it,”

It was quiet for a second. All eyes were on Jared. “What if he’s happy?” Jeremy said gently. “Without... _you?”_ He added. Not to be mean or make fun of Jared. He said it so softly and kindly it could have been a whisper, but it was so quiet, everyone heard it.

Jared sighed. “I guess I’ll leave him alone,”     


	15. The Insanely Sorry Jared Kleinman

Jared closed his car door and stepped out, looking forward, towards where Evan’s house was. He parked a little down the road. Truth be told, he was a bit nervous about parking in Evan’s parking lot. Jeremy told him not to. Michael told him to just forget. If Jared and Evan were fighting this much, apologizing just might not be worth it, or enough. Rich said he just wanted Jared to be happy. Jake agreed. Christine finally just told him to do it. And with all that, he got in his car, and drove.

_“Good luck,” Christine pat Jared’s arm._

_“I still don’t think this is the best thing for you to be doing right now,” Jeremy said with his arms crossed. He shrugged. “But, I don’t know, maybe this is something you need to do to...I don’t know...get over him, or something,”_

_Michael nodded in agreement. Rich sighed. “I don’t know man. Ok, listen,” Rich said, walking up to Jared and letting go of Jake’s hand. He put his hand on Jared’s shoulder. “When you tell him that you’re sorry, stick to the point. No matter how mad you get, just apologize. No self-defense, ok?” Jared nodded. “You had your time for self-defense. Just let him now why you’re sorry, and if he accepts it, then you guys decide where to go from there,”_

_Everyone nodded. “See you next week, ok? Text us,” Christine said. “We’re here, if you need us,”_

He sighed, watching his breath fly behind him and shoving his hands in his hoodie pocket. With every step he took, he though of what he would say, exactly. But every time he came up with an apology, his brain either told him it wasn’t good enough or came up with an argument against it. It was impossible. He couldn’t mess this up, but everything he came up with was _trash_.

Whenever Jared tried to open up or talk to people seriously, it felt wrong. He couldn’t. It was too vulnerable, it was too unmanly. It was so stupid. How could people do it and not freak out? How were they not scared that who ever they let their feelings out to would leave or hurt them with it or hate them? How did people just trust people like that?

Jared saw Evan’s house in the corner of his eye and took a deep breath, quickening his pace. There was no car in the driveway, which meant Heidi wasn’t home, which Jared was counting on, but what if Evan wasn’t home either? He stopped for a minute, deciding if he should continue. A gust of wind blew, chilling Jared’s cheek until it was numb, but he didn’t mind.

What if Evan wasn’t home? What if Evan _was_ home, but as soon as he saw Jared he shut the door? What if Connor was there with him, and Connor shut the door on him? What if Evan and Heidi came home to see Jared knocking on the door and then Heidi told him to go away or something? He looked back to his car. His mother wasn’t expecting him for an hour or two. He looked back to Evan’s house and shrugged.

He kept walking.

_“If he’s a jerk to you, if he’s just going to do something like that, I’m not afraid to deck someone,” Jake said. There were collective agreements across the room. Jared smiled, crossing his arms._

_“Really, Jared,” Michael said, “we’re on your side,”_

_Jared chuckled. “This is so scary. We’ve been friends since...forever. And it’s been months, and I just...” Jeremy and Michael smiled, looking at each other for two seconds before looking back at Jared. “I want to make this right. And I really don’t know if I’ll be able too,”_

_“Apologize,” Christine said._

_Rich shrugged. “He needs to apologize too,” He chuckled. “I think you both were a little wrong,”_

_“How am I going to get him to apologize?”_

_Michael and Jeremy looked at each other again. Jeremy sighed and chuckled, looking downward. “Look,” Michael said, “just tell him you need one or you can’t continue being friends. And if he really wants you guys to be friends, he’ll apologize for whatever he needs to,”_

Jared sighed, finally standing in front of the door. He looked at it up and down. Every piece of pealing white paint stood out and jumped at him. Every crack in the wood seemed like canyons. He had been in front of the door millions of times, but somehow, it changed after only a few months of being away.

_“I’m scared,”_

_“You can do it,”_

_“What if I can’t?”_

“You can. _I_ can,” Jared repeated under his breath. He knocked on the door softly. Once. Twice. He took a deep breath. _I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m so-_

Evan opened the door. His emotion was unreadable. He stood there, staring at Jared. Jared stared at Evan as well. Four seconds felt like forever. Jared pushed down the knot in his throat and tried to ignore the dryness.       

“Hey,” Jared breathed out.

One. Two. Three.

“Hey,” Evan replied.

“Are you doing ok?”

“Yeah,”

“Oh,”

One. Two. Three. Four.

Connor walked out from the hall looking at the floor. He tried to put up his hair before looking up and seeing Jared in the doorway, who was staring straight at him. “Oh fuck,” Connor let go of his hair and stood behind Evan.

One. Two.

“Umm, can I come in?” Jared asked. “It’s...it’s cold,”

Evan and Connor didn’t say anything, but they both stepped back to let Jared in. Jared stepped in the room and shut the door slowly, still a little unsure of what was going to happen when he got inside. But all three of the boys were quiet. Just looking at each other.

One. Two. Three.  

“I mean, I don’t want to start trouble,” Connor started, “but why are you here?”

“I want to apologize,” Jared said. He looked around the room, taking in and letting out a deep breath. “I, uhh...” He looked down at his feet. “I...” He chuckled and looked back up. “Umm,”

Connor gestured to Jared. “Then do it,” He put his hand in his pockets.  

Jared let out a breath. “This is hard,”

“Why?”

Jared laughed nervously and then shrugged. “I don’t know,”

“How don’t you know?” Connor replied. He paused for two seconds, narrowing his eyes at Jared. “Look, if you have something to say, say it. Evan’s right here,”

“I’d prefer if you left,” Jared said. Evan’s eyes widened, and he looked up at Connor.  

“Why?”

“You’re making it harder,”

“Jared...” Evan chimed in.

Jared put his hands up in defense. “I’m not doing it with him here,”

“Just d-do it,”

“What?” Jared narrowed his eyes.

Evan took in a deep breath. “If you h-have something to say, sa-say it, I’m not staying here all day. Connor isn’t going anywhere,”

“Fine,” Jared sighed and looked up at Connor. _I can do this. I can to this. Just apologize. Stick to it._ He looked back down to Evan. “Evan, I’m sorry. For...everything,” He paused, thinking. “I want to start over,” Two seconds. No one said anything. He started over. “I’m sorry I yelled at you, and...and pushed you around like you were, beneath me, and made you think I...d-didn’t care. I’m sorry. I’m really sorry. I just...I want to fix it and I don’t know...it’s hard. To live without someone who has been in your life since you were six, I mean...”

Evan looked up at Connor, not saying anything. Connor looked at Evan. One. Two. They both looked back at Jared, still saying nothing. “Evan?”

“You say that right here, but...is anything really going to change? Jared?”

“I p-promise, just give me this chance Evan, I... Please? Just please? I...I miss...I mean. Wow, ok, emotions,” Jared backed up with his hands up again. He forced a chuckle. “I fucking-“ He put his hands back down. “I miss you, ok? I miss you. I can’t...” He trailed off. You know, with all the thinking time Jared had in the car and walking down to Evan’s house, you think he would know what to say.

“What I don’t get,” Connor said, stepping forward, “is why you didn’t just say that from the beginning?”

Jared shrugged and looked around. “I don’t...”

“I’ve never seen you, _like_ that. You’re always such an ass,”

Jared faked a smile, letting out a single sarcastic comment. What business did Connor have butting in like this? “Thanks, buddy, but unfortunately, I’m not looking for your approval of our friendship,” He retorted.

“G-guys...” Evan said quietly.  

Connor didn’t hear. “You never say sorry-“

“I just did-“

“You never take responsibility-“

“Ok,” Jared got louder, “I’m trying to change here, you-“

Evan got louder as well, but it was still drowned beneath Connor and Jared’s arguments. “Guys, please don’t,”

“You never actually- you know, I can’t remember a time where you _cared_ for Evan,”

Jared scoffed. “Oh really? Where were you when we were younger?”

“Jared,” Evan interrupted. “I...I’m sorry but I think-“

“Seriously? Evan? Ok, do you want me to bring up times I, I-I cared for you? Stood up to people for you? I-“

“Jared, you were being nice-“ Evan said calmly.

“I did things for you?” He got louder and angrier, pointing at Evan. “I admit, I wasn’t-“

“Kleinman, shut up!” Connor yelled.

Jared yelled back. “ _You_ shut up, Murphy! I’m trying to be the good guy here, and-“

Connor tried yelling over him. Evan sunk backwards. “Why do you keep doing this to him? Why are you so hellbent on coming back, if you’re just going to be a fucking _asshole-“_

“Excuse me, but I’ve tried to tell you- I’ve tried to explain, I just- I don’t-“

“And the one time you were really concerned or showed it that I saw, was literally when Evan fell!”

“HE DIDN’T FALL!” Jared yelled. He didn’t even quite realize what he was saying until it became silent in the room. Again, seconds lasted forever. Jared started breathing heavily, as if something was weighing on his chest. Connor’s eyes narrowed and his mouth was open, showing complete confusion. He looked down at Evan, but Evan wasn’t looking at him.

His eyes were on Jared. His face was getting red. He stood up straight and stepped toward Jared, narrowing his eyes and tilting his head like he didn’t understand what Jared was saying. “H-how do you know that?”

“I just-“ Jared started. Evan stepped forward. He stepped back.

“Were you there, Jared?” Evan spit out.

“Evan, I just-“

“Do you have a link to my brain?”

“Reasoning and logic and I-“

He finally yelled. “You can’t go around accusing people of stuff like that!”

“Is it untrue?!” Jared yelled back.

“It’s uncivilized!” He paused for a single second to reconsider what he was saying, but he was too mad to go back. “Just because-“

“Evan, I-“ Jared put his hands up in order to calm Evan, or try to, at least. It wasn’t working at all.

“Tried in eighth grade, EIGHTH. GRADE. JARED-“

He breathed in and started to quiet down. _Apologize. Apologize. Apologize._ “Didn’t get to talk to you about-“

“Just because we got in a fight, I-“

He closed his eyes for two seconds, then reopened them. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I just-“

“The world doesn’t revolve around you Jared!”

“I never said it did!”

“Then why would you say, that after OUR fight-“

“I KNOW YOU EVAN!” He yelled. Evan stopped talking, but Jared continued. “It wasn’t just our fight! You’re dealing with things, shit I don’t _understand_! I don’t know if I’ll fucking ever really understand how someone wakes up like that! Just...sad and done and empty. I don’t know what that feels like because every single emotion I have is turned into a sarcastic comment or anger at the fucking world. And when we do get in fights, when shit happens, it triggers emotions! Because that’s. What. Life. Does. And I don’t know how you don’t deal with it, because I don’t _have_ to deal with it, ok? It’s so _foreign_ to me, I don’t understand. Ok? I’m mad at the world, you’re...sad at the world, I don’t _know._ I don’t know how to help you. It’s so scary,”

Two seconds passed. No one said anything. Jared took a deep breath, and it was only then he realized he was crying. “I reasoned,” He stopped again. One. Two. He looked down for a few second, then backed up. Evan had tears in his eyes as well. “And I’m so-“

Before he could finish or even register what was going on, Evan rushed up towards him and hugged him tightly. “God, I missed you,”

Jared let loose and started crying more. He wrapped his arms around Evan’s neck and rested his head on Evan’s shoulder. “Evan, I’m not going to be perfect,”

“It’s ok,” He said.

“What if we fight like this again? I can’t...” He trailed off as Evan let go. They looked at each other.

“Then we’ll...f-fix it. We will,” Evan sighed, and then nodded. Two seconds passed. And Evan looked Back at Connor, who was staring at Evan with a blank expression. “C-Con...?”

“Evan,” He sighed. He stepped forward. “I,” His voice broke and his face fell. He opened his arms and Evan ran into them. “Evan,”

“C-Connor, I...I’m just...I-I’m s-sorry,” Evan struggled out, burying his face in Connor’s jacket, breathing in. “I, s-should-“

“Baby, shhhh,” Connor started stroking Evan’s hair. “I know. It’s ok. You’ll be ok. You have me. And you have Jared,” He nodded at Jared and smiled. Jared smiled back and chuckled nervously, looking downward.

“I’m sorry,”

“It’s ok, baby, I forgive you. It’s ok. I love you anyway. It’s ok,” Connor said. Jared looked back up as Connor kissed the top of Evan’s head. “It’s ok,” He repeated. He sighed and looked up.

 _Sorry._ Connor mouthed. Jared narrowed his eyes and smiled. _For?_ He mouthed back. Connor rolled his eyes and smiled. He looked back down at Evan and ruffled his hair. “We’re ok,”  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my least favorite chapter.   
> Then again, I hate all of them lol


	16. Hansen is Heere

“Your mom’s house is nice,” Rich said, spinning in circles as he looked around the house. It was the first time the entire group came over to Jared’s house. Rich and Jake had already drove up and gotten there 3 minutes before. Christine, Jenna, Brooke, and Chole were supposed to be right behind them, leaving Michael and Jeremy behind them girls.

It was Saturday, the only Saturday before winter break ended, and they all decided to visit Jared’s house and do something he wanted to do, since Jared was always over at Jeremy’s house. And once, Jenna’s. It was a nice change of pace. Jake put his hands on Rich’s arm to stop him from spinning. “Rich,” Jake said. The shorter boy looked behind himself at his boyfriend. “You’re going to get dizzy. Stop,”

Rich thought about it for a minute, then kissed his boyfriend. “Yeah, ok,” With that, Jake walked away and flopped on the couch beside Jared. He sighed.

“So, what are we doing today?” He asked.

“Bowling,” Jared replied with a smirk.

“WOO!” Rich exclaimed, throwing his hands up in the air. Jake and Jared looked over at him. Jared had his eyebrows raised, but Jake just sighed.

Jared looked back at Jake. Jake side shrugged. “He’s really good at bowling,” Jared nodded his head and looked back to Rich, who walked to the couch and sat down in between Jake and Jared. “So...” Jake started, but Rich interrupted.

“When are we going?” He asked excitedly. He looked behind himself at Jake, who just patiently smiled. “Oops. Sorry, babe,”     

Jake waved him off. “I‘s ok,” He said with a smile. Rich fell backwards into his arms and looked up at him. Jake looked down at him and smiled, holding him and pulling him closer into him lap. “Hi,” he said quietly.

“Hi,” Rich replied, kissing Jake’s chin.

Jared made a face and tried to hide his smile, to which Jake and Rich laughed at. Jared rolled his eyes and sighed. “Uhhh, I guess as soon as the others come,” Jake nodded and Rich made a sound of contentment. “You can turn on the T.V if you want,” Jared said handing over the remote.

“Thanks,” Jake said as he grabbed the remote and turned on the T.V. Some commercial for a blender was on, and Jake started flipping through channels. Rich’s eyes were glued on the screen, but Jared was looking down at his phone. It wasn’t ever on. He flipped the phone around in his hands and rubbed his thumb across the sides and screen, feeling every flaw, bump, or crack in his case. His thump glided over the buttons on the side of his phone, barely touching them.

He held his breath and tapped his foot on the wood floor. No one else could hear it but Jared. He looked over to Rich and Jake, cuddling each other and watching something Jared didn’t recognize. He sighed, looking back at the floor, then Rich and Jake, then the floor, then Rich and Jake again.

“I invited Evan,” He said quickly. Rich and Jake’s heads turned to Jared. They looked at him with shocked expressions. Jared smiled nervously as he waited for them to say something. Two seconds passed before Jared lost his smile. “Oh, come on, guys, he’s not that bad!”

“Not that bad? Jeremy will kill him!” Jake said. No one quiet knew why Jeremy didn’t really like the idea of Jared and Evan hanging out together, he just didn’t. He didn’t like _Evan_. He didn’t like talking about him, and he really didn’t want to meet Evan.

“Wha? They need to learn to get along,” Jared responded.

“And why is that?” Jake asked.

“Evan is my friend. I want to invite him to do things, especially because we haven’t talked or hung out in months. And we both, _kinda_ missed each other,” He shrugged when he said kinda. Even though they both really missed each other.

Ok, Jared still wasn’t the best about showing his emotions, but at least he was trying. He wasn’t as sarcastic and rude as his was a few months ago. He was getting better, and everyone saw it.

“What if things don’t go smoothly tonight?” Rich asked. “What if Evan hates Jeremy, and Jeremy hates Evan?”

Jared put his hands up in defense. “Hey, look, Evan is the nicest guy in the world, I’m sure they can find a way to talk things over, and get along, ok? I _know_ Evan, he can get along with anyone if he tries,”

Rich sighed. “I hope you’re right,” Jake said. “I mean, I don’t want to have us all going to school in two days pissed. And...”

Jake trailed off, looking down at Rich for a while, then he looked away. It was unnervingly quiet for a few seconds.  Jake looked up, down, left and right, to avoid looking at Jared. Rick just looked down into his lap. A few times, Rich opened his mouth to say something, but then reconsidered and looked back down. Jared tilted his head, trying to study the two.  

Finally, he shrugged and chuckled. “And?”

Both Jake and Rich looked at him, but didn’t say anything for a while. “Look,” Jake said quietly and a little hoarsely. “Just don’t do anything to...hurt Jeremy ok? He, just woke up really pissed. And...ummm...” Jake looked down at Rich and trailed off. He looked back at Jared and run his fingers through his hair. “Yeah. Just. Don’t. The dude woke up pissed. If Evan said something to him, I- he just...I highly doubt he would let it go, so if something happens, just...get him away from Evan,”

“Umm,” Jared moved back in his seat. “Ok?”

“Look, worst case scenario, they’re going to verbally fight or something,” Rich said, like it was a good thing. He closed his eyes and put his hands up. “Someone might cry, but,” he opened his eyes again and put his finger up, “that’s the _worst_ that could happen-“

“Still,” Jake interrupted.

“Still,” Rich repeated. “The number one- The main thing- Just...you know, keep his general presence,” he gestured near the T.V area, “away from-“

“Away from Jeremy,” Jake interrupted again.

“Away from Jeremy,” Rich finished. He pointed his thumb up at Jake. “Yeah,”

Jared raised his eyebrows. “I mean, ok, I’ll...help. Like, I’ll keep it neutral,”

“Ok,” Rich replied.

“Ok,” Jake repeated. Only confusing Jared more. He had no idea how to respond to the situation. Surely it can’t be that bad? Jeremy just woke up in one of his moods. Jared saw them all the time. But even when Jeremy was in a ‘mood’ he was always nice, and he put on a brave face for everyone. I mean, he wasn’t very good at hiding his moods sometimes, but he was good at ignoring them. Although, that may have not always been a good thing.

But today would be fine. Everyone would be fine. Jeremy would see that Evan wasn’t as bad as he thought he was. And everything was going to be ok. Jared was sure of it.

___

Michael struggled to put on his bowling shoes. Jeremy and Jenna sat on either side of him, watching Rich and Brooke set up two different games. One for Jeremy, Michael, Rich, Jake, and Jared, and one for Jenna, Christine, Alana, Brooke, and Chloe. Jared texted Evan, who was going to be there a few minutes later.

He was already ok with not being in the first game. Or, any game for a matter of fact. It wasn’t really that he didn’t like bowling, it was just that he’d feel awkward with all of Jared’s new friends. Of course, Evan knew that he would have to be around them, regardless of bowing. But choosing to not bowl just gave him a sense of security.

When Jeremy arrived at the bowling alley, he didn’t really seem mad or anything. But you never could really tell with Jeremy. At least, you couldn’t tell right away. But he seemed ok. No, Jared didn’t really tell anyone else that Evan was coming, but it would be fine. I mean, Evan is as nice as they come. And nobody else really hated him. Jared even kept telling himself that Jeremy didn’t even really hate him. He just didn’t know him yet.

Someone put their hands on Jared’s shoulders and giggled. Jared looked up and Alana’s face peering down with a wide smile. “Hey Jared,”

“Hey Alana,”

“Alana!” Brooke squealed. She ditched setting up the game and skipped over to the girl.

Alana looked forward and let go of Jared, jogging towards Brooke. The girls embraced each other, spinning and jumping as they hugged. “Brooke!” She squealed back.

Christine walked towards Jared and sat beside him with two pairs of shoes. She started taking her own shoes off before she looked over at Jared. “Hi,”

“Hey,” Jared replied. Christine came to the bowling alley with the other girls, but then went back out to get Alana, who said she could spare some time to go bowling. The best part of it was, was that her parents said she was allowed to because it was a group of a few people.

“Jenna,” Chloe said, walking towards the seat. “The game is set up. You’re first,” She sat down as Jenna stood back up and walked towards the lane. “Cookie!”

“Mhm?” Brooke replied, looking back from her conversation with Alana. Chloe put her arms forward and started grabbing at the air, making Brooke smile. She looked back to Alana and told her something before rushing beside Chole and sitting beside her as she put her arm around Brooke, letting Brooke lay on her shoulder.

“Jared!” Rich yelled, jogging towards Jared. He put his back as he sat down. “You’re up man! Have fun beating my score,” He sang out the last part. Jared chuckled, walking backwards to his lane, shooting finger guns at Rich.

“Oh, I will,”

___

“Shit!” Jake exclaimed under his breath. Gutter ball. Chloe started laughing behind him. Brooke walked up and put her hand on his shoulder. They looked at each other and she nodded in sympathy. And that was all that had to happen. Jake walked over to Rich who, despite his loss, gave him a high five anyway.

“Alright,” Jeremy stood up with a grunt and walked to the lane. “Watch and learn, Jake,”

Jake scoffed and rolled his eyes, putting his arm around Rich. Suddenly, Jake’s smile fell as he looked at the door. He cleared his throat and looked downward. Rich looked towards Jeremy. Jared raised his eyebrow before it clicked. He looked behind him, towards the entrance. Evan waved timidly and walked over to where Jared was sitting. “Hey,”

“Hi,” Evan stood next to where Jared was sitting, partially because he didn’t know if Jared wanted him to sit down yet, partially because Jenna was staring at him from where she was sitting, and Evan didn’t quite know what to do.

Jared saw his discomfort and stood up beside Evan, so he didn’t feel so alone. “The game is almost over,” Evan nodded.

“I’ll just watch,” He said. Jared nodded back, but his focus was on Rich and Jake, who walked up to Evan with smiles on their faces. Jake’s smile was a little more believable than Rich’s. Jake stuck out his hand towards Evan.

“Hey. I’m Jake. Nice to meet you. We’ve heard about you,” He said formally. Then he reconsidered. “I mean, Jared has told us about you. We’re not, like, stalking you,” His confident façade kept crumbling as he talked. “I mean we as in, ummm, us,” He gestured around the room, then paused, cringing at himself, then he stuck his hand back out and said nothing.

Jared raised his eyebrows as Jake and Evan shook hands, and then looked at Rich as he introduced himself. Jared shrugged. _What?_ He mouthed. Jake tilted his head and shrugged, making sure Evan couldn’t see him. _I don’t fucking know!_ Jake mouthed back, and then he smiled as Evan looked back at him.

“Umm,” Jared said, catching Evan’s attention. He motioned towards the seats. “You can sit if you want,”

“Ok,” Evan said quickly, taking a seat. Jenna quickly looked back at her phone, typing something out. Rich casually walked over to Michael and Jeremy. Michael was already getting ready to take his turn. Jared walked up to Jake with a smirk on his face.

“Smooth,”

Jake rolled his eyes. “Shut up,” 

Jenna moved beside Evan to talk to him, so nobody noticed when Michael, Jeremy, and Rich looked behind them at Evan. They looked back to the lane and Jeremy groaned. “Are you ok?” Rich asked before Michael could get the words out.

“I’m fine. It’s fine,” He said.

“Look, I know you don’t necessarily like him, but Jared does. Give him a chance,” Michael said with a smile. He put his hand on Jeremy’s shoulder. Jeremy looked back at Michael and smiled as well, but it didn’t last long. He looked forward again as his face fell.

“He doesn’t deserve Jared,” Jeremy said, crossing his arms. He looked at Rich, who just sighed and went to take his turn.

“Last round!” Rich yelled at no one in particular.

Jeremy looked at Michael again. “It’s ok,”

“But it’s not,” Jeremy whined. “Look, just...”

He trailed off, looking at Michael. Jeremy didn’t deserve Michael. Evan didn’t deserve Jared. Part of Jeremy told himself that, like him and Michael, they could just be _right_ for each other and still be friends, regardless of any mistake. But Evan left Jared. He was heartbroken. Evan _left_ Jared. For someone else. Because of someone else.

Maybe Jared did something wrong too, but at the mall, he was trying to apologize. And you don’t just diss someone who tries to apologize. That’s probably one of the worst possible things you can do to someone trying to apologize. Long story short, Jeremy didn’t trust Evan. Jeremy didn’t like Evan. But most of all, Jeremy didn’t want to see Jared get hurt again.

He tilted his head, looking at Michael, and trying to figure out what to say. Two seconds passed. He had no idea what to say. He looked back at Evan, then Michael. Michael nodded towards the boy. “Talk to him. Get to know him. Look, he’s not my favorite either at the moment. But that- I’m sure that will change. Look, honey, it’ll be ok,”

Jeremy sighed. He looked over at Evan, who was saying something to Jared as he stood up to take his last turn. Once Jared stood us and walked away with Rich and Jake, Evan looked downward, trying to avoid eye contact with anyone else. He looked back at Michael and shrugged slightly.

“Yeah, sure. Fine,” Jeremy said. He looked back at Evan. Then Michael, who nodded towards the direction of Evan. Jeremy rolled his eyes and slowly walked over to the boy. Evan looked up and smiled and Jeremy stuck his hand out. Jeremy smile slightly as well. “Jeremy,”

“Evan,” Evan shook his hand, and Jeremy sat down beside him. It was quiet for a few seconds and both the boys looked around at basically anything but each other, trying to figure out something else to say. Jeremy wasn’t sure he wanted to start any conversation. He debated getting up and walking away. But Evan broke the silence. “So...h-how long have you known Jared?”

“You, uhh,” Jeremy rubbed the back of his neck, looking at Evan. “You remember the day you yelled at him at the mall? Yeah, ever since then,”

“Oh...” Evan said awkwardly, looking at the floor. He let a few seconds pass, then he looked back up at Jeremy, who’s attention was focused on something else. “He, told you about that?”

Jeremy looked at him and shrugged. “Yeah, why wouldn’t he? We’re friends,” A few more seconds passed as no one said anything.

Evan looked back down. “Mh-“

“Can I ask you a question?” Jeremy said.

“Sure,”

“Why would you treat someone like that?”

It took Evan a few seconds to realize what Jeremy had said. “W-what?”

“Let me rephrase,” Jeremy looked away for a few seconds, trying to find the right way to say it. “Umm, why,” he looked back at Evan, “why did you yell at him?”

“I d-didn’t really...” Evan said quietly. He trailed off, but didn’t look away from Jeremy.

“So, you didn’t ditch him?”

He shrugged. “Well-“

“Did you?”

Evan was quiet for a second, wondering how he should answer. I mean, I guess he did ditch Jared in a way. It’s not like he _fully_ didn’t want to. He just didn’t really accept Jared’s apologies because, well, they were shit. You couldn’t even really tell he was actually apologize. He was a dick about it. So, of course, he didn’t accept it, or even take Jared seriously. Why would he? “I don’t think it’s your business, re-really, I...”

“What do you mean it’s not my business? I’m just asking,” Jeremy shrugged slightly.  

“Well, asking, is- that’s kind of delving into...” Evan made a few weird motions with his hands that Jeremy didn’t really understand. Suddenly, the girls on the other side were cheering, making Jeremy and Evan look for a second, watching Alana and Christine high five and Jenna taking a video or picture.

“Hey, you know what?” Jeremy said, making Evan look back at him. “Jared’s a nice guy, and for him to take you back was a really cool thing to do, but I don’t think-“

Evan chuckled a bit and nodded, getting agitated. “Ok, I’m out,” He looked away for something else to do.

Jeremy said quickly. “I just...don’t trust you,”

“Well you don’t have to. J-Jared does,” Evan said, looking back.

Jeremy chuckled, shaking his head slightly. He clicked his tongue. “Jared shouldn’t. He shouldn’t,”

“What is w-with you, man?”

“Do you know how long Jared would talk about you and about how he just wanted things to be better?”

Evan sighed, looking over at Jared, who hit Jake in the back of his head slightly. “I’m sorry, that Jared and I had a f-falling out but I can’t change that,” he looked back.

“I just feel like you- look man,” Jeremy trailed off then picked back up after a few seconds. “You come off a bit of a dick,”  

“Look, I don’t know what your strange infatuation with Jared is about-“ Evan snapped.

“Just be nice to him,”

“I am,”

“Good,” Jeremy shrugged. “That’s all I’m asking,”

Evan chuckled. “But, no, you’re n-not, you’re being kind of mean, so...”

“I just want to know that you’re-“

“What’s your deal with me?”

Jeremy put his hands up in defense. “Look, don’t interrupt me,”   

“That’s what you do to me all the-“

“No, I don’t,”

“You just did,”

“Because you need to listen. I didn’t mean to be rude,”

“But you are,”

“Because you are,”

Evan suddenly stood up. Jeremy stood up as well. “That’s it. I can’t do this,”

Jeremy got a little louder. “You can’t do this?”

“Ok,” Evan said cheerfully, looking around. Once he saw that the boys were looking at him, he turned back to Jeremy. “Bye Jeremy. Nice talking to you,” He walked over to Jared, and on the way, realized Jenna and a few other girls were staring at them as well. Luckily, no one else in the bowling alley paid any attention to them. He walked up to Jared and smiled, placing a hand on his arm in a friendly way. “I can’t. I’m going home,” Tears were in the corner of Evan’s eyes, but he maintained a smile. He pat Jared’s arm. “T-text me later,” He said, before walking towards the door.

He looked at Jeremy and waved at him in a cheerful manner, hoping a bit to get under the boy’s skin. Jeremy had his hand up to his head, but saw Evan wave. He covered his eyes. “Yeah,” Once the door shut, Jeremy looked back to his friends, who were all staring at him with concerned expressions. Jeremy stood there for a second, before he started walking to the restrooms. Four sets of eyes followed him as he disappeared behind the concession stand.

Michael slipped between Jake and Jared and started following his boyfriend as Jared looked back at Jake and Rich. He sighed, looking down. When he looked back up, he put on a fake smile. “Well,” He shrugged and chuckled. “I fucked up again,”    

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only one chapter left!!! I'm super excited 
> 
> This is the invite link for the ypmtw discord! https://discord.gg/MHnfZbk  
> I hope to see you guys there


	17. Good For You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Hums Good For You as I publish the chapter*

Evan walked down the sidewalk alone. _Tap, tap, tap._ He focused on the noise of his feet hitting the side walk. It echoed in his ears. _Tap, tap, tap._ It was light outside, and not as cold as it should have been for February. Still, Connor would have a fit if he didn’t dress with two coats. It wasn’t like Evan was burning up, but the two coats seemed a little bit unnecessary. _Tap, tap, tap._ Jared invited Evan to hang out with him and everyone else. But why would he? After their trip last month. He doubted anyone forgot.  

Especially not Jeremy. What was his problem anyway? He probably got in little fights with his friends too, right? Everybody does. It was normal. Common. If not a little healthy. And he and Jared were doing great, actually. As much as Evan despised Jeremy in the moment, he couldn’t deny that Jared’s time with Jeremy and his friends helped him in some way. He was better at communicating. A lot better. And he wasn’t always as sarcastic and rude all the time. Not to really say he _wasn’t_ sarcastic. No, that part of him was still there, but it wasn’t all that bad.

 _Tap, tap, tap._ Even Connor got along with him. Evan didn’t know exactly what happened or what they talked about when they were alone after Jared apologized at Evan’s house, but things seemed to change for them. In fact, Evan couldn’t understand why they didn’t get along from the beginning. They’re so alike. They both are still super sarcastic and jokingly mean to one another. They both like a lot of the same things. They both could be really serious and sweet when they needed to be.

Maybe it was that ‘so alike you either hate each other or love each other’ kind of thing. I mean, they had their differences. It wasn’t like they were exact copies of each other. Connor was usually more soft-spoken unless you were either friends with him, or you made him mad. Jared...well. Jared was Jared. Ever since he learned to control emotions and communicate the right was, he was kind of the opposite. I mean, if you were friends with him he was still loud and wild and sarcastic. That was just Jared. But if he was mad or sad, he would just shut down.

It’s not like he wouldn’t talk to anyone or do anything, but it was harder to get him to actually talk and be sad. His way of not being a dick when he was mad or sad was really not doing anything. Which isn’t healthy either, but it’s a step in the right direction. _Tap, tap, tap._ He thought about calling Connor up today too, but before he could, his mom asked him to meet her at Ryan’s, which Evan’s house is only a short way away from. So, Evan said he could walk there by himself. Besides, winter air. It was nice. Chilly, but nice. _Tap, tap, tap._

You know, you can still feel the winter air on your coat. Evan didn’t know how, but it just worked that way. _Tap, tap, tap._

...

_Tap, tap, tap._

...

_Tap._

Evan stopped and looked around. He was almost to the Ryan’s. He pulled his phone out off his pocket quickly. He had eight messages, with the most of them being from Jared, surprisingly. He checked Jared’s first.

 **Jared :) [1:04]:** its boring 

**Jared :) [1:04]:** im bored

 **Jared :) [1:04]:** nothing to do

 **Jared :) [1:05]:** jennadiditididnttouchanything.jpg

_It was a picture of a table on fire. Rich was pouring a bottle of water on it. Michael was in the corner calmly reading the fire extinguisher instructions. He was a little too clam. Jenna looked at the fire with wide eyes, her hands by her side, and Chloe was drinking soda, looking at Jenna with her eyebrows raised and her hand on her hip._

**Jared :) [1:05]:** today is going to be a good day :)

Evan squinted his eyes, looking harder at the picture, but he honestly couldn’t make sense of any of it. He made a mental note to ask Jared what the hell was going on later. He checked Connor’s.

 **CornOnTheCon [1:03]:** don’t die in the cold. off to zoes band thing

 **CornOnTheCon [1:03]:** bandthinghala.jpg

_Connor was taking the selfie with Zoe in the background. The guitar was on her back and she was holding up two peace signs. Connor’s tongue was out, and he was wearing sunglasses. They were standing in front of their house and a few traces of snow was left near the porch. Larry photobombed in the corner walking to his car mimicking his two children by holding up a peace sign and sticking out his tongue very unenthusiastically._

**CornOnTheCon [1:03]:** love you!

He wondered if Connor saw his dad in the corner, chuckled, and walked to Ryan’s. It wasn’t as crowded as it usually is on Saturdays and it made Evan feel a lot better about eating out. That might have been why his mom picked Ryan’s, of all places. Or maybe it was because it was closer to their house. He opened the door and took a deep breath, letting it out slowly as he peers into the restaurant. As he noted before, there weren’t a lot of people there, making the task of finding his mom easier.

She sat in a booth by herself looking at her phone, with a cup of what Evan guessed was coffee on the table. He smiled to himself and walked over, carefully avoiding anyone else he happened to see. One he got close enough to the table, his mom looked up from her phone and smiled. She put it in her bag as Evan slid into the seat in front of her.

“Hi, sweetie,” Heidi said cheerfully, sliding her hand across the table to hold Evan’s. Evan put his hand in hers, smiling.

“Hi,” He answered quickly.

“I expected you to walk up here with someone. Jared?” She asked and the two let go of each other.

Evan shook his head. “No. Jared’s w-with his friends,” Evan thought about the sentence for a minute. “Other friends,” He corrected.  

Heidi nodded. It was quiet for a second. Evan almost pulled out his phone before Heidi started talking again. “Do you want to get something to eat?”

“No, I’m good,” Evan said, pulling out his phone anyway.

Heidi sighed. “Well, if you change your mind,” She looked around the restaurant and Evan looked at his phone, deciding on if he should text Connor or Jared back. Heidi let out another sigh, making Evan look up at her. “How’s school?” She asked.

Evan nodded. “Good. It’s ok,”

“Right,” She replied and then looked away. It was clear that she was trying to find some way to start conversation. Evan sighed and put his phone up. He cleared his throat.

“Hannah and I, we h- we’re...reading partners, and w-we need to create a report next week. On our book,” That seemed to have caught her attention. She smiled a bit, looking at Evan. Evan couldn’t help but smile back.

“Oh, yeah?”

“Yeah,”

“What book are you reading?”

Evan coughed. “Ummm, The Outsiders,” Heidi nodded, but Evan continued. “I’ve obviously read it, but, umm. S-she hasn’t, so...that’s what w-we’re doing,” In reality, Hannah was working on other school projects to turn in for late grades while Evan made the PowerPoint, but she would speak when it came time for the presentation, so, win-win.

Heidi nodded again, not knowing exactly what to say, but listening to Evan go on about school. It wasn’t the first real time they had talked about school, and it wouldn’t be the last. But it was rare that Evan would engage in a conversation about something like school. Or, that they could just sit down and _have_ a conversation like normal people. Like family.

Suddenly, in the middle of finishing her sentence, Heidi smiled. “Paul!”

“What?” Evan replied. He looked behind him. A man came up to Heidi as she stood out of her seat and the two kissed. Evan smiled.

“Sorry I’m late. My son is too. He’s on the phone outside, but I’m sure he’ll be back in a little while,” Heidi moved over to the window as Paul sat down beside her. He set his eyes on Evan, who was still smiling slightly. “You must be Evan. I’ve heard a lot about you,” He stuck out his hand over the table.

Evan shook it slowly. “I’ve h-heard a lot about you too. I mean, I didn’t r-really know your name until, uhh, now, but I’ve...” Evan trailed off, forgetting what he was going to say exactly, but he nodded towards Paul. “Boyfriend,”

Both Heidi and Paul beamed. “Well, it’s nice to meet you,” Paul said.

“You too,”

Heidi chuckled. Only two silent seconds passed before Evan looked down at the table. _Isn’t this the part where we have some conversation?_ But Evan didn’t know what to say to him or what to do. He hadn’t quiet been in this situation before. Heidi finally cleared he throat, and Evan relaxed a little bit. He looked up at her. “So, do you...want to...” Heidi started after only a few awkward seconds of silence. She looked at Paul, and then the two of them looked forward to someone past the booth.   

Paul waved his hand. “Over here,”

“Gee, Dad,” Someone said, he sounded shockingly familiar. “Leave me in the _cold_ ,” Heidi chuckled.

“Well you were talking,” Paul responded jokingly. Evan looked up. His eyes widened, then he quickly looked away and moved towards the window. A few seconds passed. “Do you...want a seat, son?”

“I actually want to get some food,”

“We can get some food later. Right now, we want to talk,”

The boy growled softly. “I’m really hungry,”

“I am too, but we can eat later. As in, just give us five minutes,”

“Hunger doesn’t wait,”

“But you can,”

“Dad,” The boy snapped.

“Jeremy,” Paul said in a stern voice that even mad Evan shudder a little. Evan felt Jeremy sit beside him, but the boy kept his distance.

Evan looked out of the corner of his eye and saw that Jeremy put his head on the table and covered it with his arms. Evan looked back at the two. Heidi sighed, but smiled anyway, looking at Evan sympathetically. “Jeremy?” Paul said in a calmer manner. “Are you ok?”

“Peachy,” Jeremy said. His voice was muffled by the table and his arms.

Paul sighed and looked over at Evan. Evan shrugged. “Evan...” Heidi said in a comforting tone. She rested her chin on the table, focusing on Jeremy. “Jeremy?”

“ _Noooooo, Dad, no,_ no!” He said. He suddenly shot up, looking at his Dad with narrowed eyes. Paul shrugged. “Dad!” He whined, tilting his head.

Paul chuckled nervously. “What’s wrong? We haven’t even-!” He stopped himself. He smiled kindly. “You know already, huh?”

“It’s pretty obvious,” Jeremy crossed his arms and looked downward. He didn’t move when Evan looked at him or anyone. Evan looked around, confused. His eyes finally landed on his mom. He saw her smile. He saw her glow. She was looking over Jeremy, as was Paul. Then, she looked _at_ Paul and sighed, looking deeply into his eyes. She had a kind of seriousness on her face that Evan’s never really seen before. There was sadness and love. Excitement and wonder. Knowing and longing. And having.

It clicked. She looked at Evan and tilted her head, putting her hand across the table for Evan to hold. He just looked at it. Then looked at her. She sighed and put her hands on her lap. “Boys...” She remarked.

“Mom...” Evan said. It was a question, but it didn’t sound like one. Not at all. She clicked her tongue.

“I wanted you to meet him earlier, but...it just...” she shrugged, “happened like this Evan. It just happened,” She stopped. Evan looked at Jeremy and sighed. The boy looked at Evan and rolled his eyes, but neither of them looked away for each other. Heidi sighed. “Meet your brother,”    

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys probably wanted a long/good ending, but you got 5 pages of bad writing. I'm so sorry.  
> So, there will be third story!! (I’m mean but not ‘leave you on a giant cliff hanger’ mean) AND IM NOT PLANNIG AHEAD. AAAAA!!! I have ideas and plans for specific, little, chapters but I haven’t planed full out chapters, so, I really don’t know what’s going to happen or how many chapters it’s going to be. God, that’s so new to me. BUT I do know this! It’s going to be one heck of a ride and it’s probably going to be the reason many people are going to want to slap me but also hug me or someone else, and I am a-okie doki with that.
> 
> YPMTW Discord link: https://discord.gg/MHnfZbk


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